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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Pregnant and worried about dying

11 replies

lauracutee · 29/05/2013 12:21

I'm pregnant with my first baby and I'm constantly worried about dying. I worry that I'll die and leave my baby or that my husband will die and leave us.
My mother-in-law dies of cancer last year and my own mum has had cancer.
I feel that I am constantly thinking about my own death and leaving my baby.
Has anyone experienced this?

OP posts:

Yonionekanobe · 29/05/2013 12:28

I think there is something inherent about becoming a parent that makes you face your mortality, and that of others, particularly if you have had a recent bereavement. I think it is entirely natural

I remember reading this interview with Mel Giedroyc and it really struck a cord when under the section 'my kids are the best thing that happened to me', she talks about being suddenly aware of her own mortality.

Mel Giedroyc interview

timeforgin · 29/05/2013 12:49

I worry about this a lot. I have a son who is 20 months and am expecting #2 in September. It makes me very anxious and I find a lot of what is in the news really distressing. Even before having my son I worried a lot about cancer / death (my grandfather died of cancer when I was 15 and I didn't know he had it until the day he died) and I can work myself up into tears quite easily just thinking about it.

I think it is normal but I do think I am generally a more anxious person than your average. When I had my son I was very anxious about his health (worried there was something wrong / whether he was feeding enought etc) and this combined with the sleep deprivation and hormones made for a very difficult first few months. My advice would be to have family support around you if you can. Try not to worry too much (I know how annoying it is to hear that) and enjoy your beautiful baby. The time when they are teeny goes so quickly.

parttimer79 · 29/05/2013 12:55

I really sympathise, I suffered a lot with a very similar type of anxiety since getting pregnant.
I talked to my midwife and she was very supportive, she referred me to the mental health midwife who arranged some counselling and CBT.

I found that the hormones brought out underlying issues (I lost my dad to cancer and a friend who was pregnant at the time) and it sounds like with your family health issues it may be doing a similar thing to you.

It depends whether you are worrying a lot and can find ways to manage this or whether it is really becoming overwhleming and stopping you enjoying the pregnancy. Either way, don't be ashamed to seek help!

lollypopsicle · 29/05/2013 12:59

Just to say you are not alone. I have felt like this during both pregnancies. especially right now as birth is imminent.
I also found these thoughts came back when I returned to work from mat leave with DC1. I used to worry I would die on the journey home (motorway) and he would be too young to remember me. Used to make myself very sad.
For me, these thoughts did subside by themselves.
Off to read that article now...

sillyoldfool · 29/05/2013 13:01

I feel this more intensely with each pg, as though I'm pushing my luck further each time and so this time something is bound to go wrong.

sillyoldfool · 29/05/2013 13:02

I had a sppedy labour with dc2 and a hemorrage, I'm really scared this time that the baby will come very quickly and I'll bleed to death at home.

Unlurked · 29/05/2013 13:13

I felt like this with dd1 and I'm not usually a worrier. It went away when she was a few months old.

I remember lying in bed one night being intensely jealous of religious people because they believe in an afterlife. I think at the time I knew that was a silly thing to feel but reading it back now it seems even more ridiculous!

Original poster

lauracutee · 29/05/2013 13:44

Oh thank you so much for all of your replies - it's good to know I'm not alone in feeling like this.

When I think back to my....behaviour...as a teenager/in my 20s and how invincible I felt despite the risks I took, it's amazing how being pregnant changes EVERYTHING.

OP posts:

roofio87 · 29/05/2013 13:47

I've been having some similar worries since getting pregnant. I had cancer 3 years ago and am now fully recovered but can't help but shake the feeling that me and my little family have had all the good luck and will run out soon (I count myself as lucky to have survived not unlucky to have ever had it!)
I just wanted to say you're not alone. if its really getting to you talk to your midwife I'm sure she'll be happy to help.

Original poster

lauracutee · 29/05/2013 19:04

Ahh, thank you Roofio87. xx

OP posts:

fibrecruncher · 30/05/2013 01:14

Hi lauracutee, you are definitely not alone. Sorry about your mother in law. I think Yonionekanobe is right, it is natural to think about your own mortality during pregnancy. I haven't had any bereavements recently but I have still been thinking about death very frequently - this was not something I ever felt before. It made me feel better that someone had shared, thanks.

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