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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

20 week scan disappointment :(

22 replies

HeffalumpTheFlump · 24/05/2013 17:44

Had my 20 week scan today and baby was in the worst position possible. No matter how much I jiggled around, ate chocolate and drank cold drinks he/she wouldn't move. They couldn't do many of the checks and couldn't tell us baby's gender. I feel so disapointed and sad, I knew there was a chance we wouldn't find out the gender but I hoped to come away with the reassurance that baby was healthy. Now my DH won't be able to be there for the next scan because of work, and so won't be there to find out the sex with me :( iv got to wait until the middle of June for the next appoinment and I'm just devastated really :( just wanted a moan as im feeling properly gutted :(

Oh and for an extra kick in the teeth, I'm home now and the baby is moving loads :(

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wispa31 · 24/05/2013 17:48

i didnt get all my checks either due to babys position. though sonographer did say there was nothing abnormal from what she could check. my hospital policy is that they dont tell the sex, but we werent or should i say dp wasnt wanting to know.

LittleMonster100 · 24/05/2013 17:49

Is there anyway you could go for a private scan in the meantime?

CecyHall · 24/05/2013 17:49

Ask them if they'd write the gender down so you could wait and look together.

Can understand how you feel, all the build up waiting and then it went so different to how you expected.

Cavort · 24/05/2013 17:51

Would you consider a private scan so you can find out together? I had one before our 20 week scan and thought it was money well spent.

hartmel · 24/05/2013 17:52

Sending you a big hug... I'm sorry your baby didn't want to co-operate..

Maybe if you want to find out at the time what the sex of your baby is, ask your sonograph to write it down on a paper instead of telling you.. Once home and your DH is there, open it together.. Or even go to the baby store and give the paper to the clerk and ask her to wrap the baby outfit without you seeing it.. It will be a great surprise for both of you to find out what you are having...

Just an idea..

By the way, congratulations.

MrFranklyShankly · 24/05/2013 17:58

My 20 week scan was something similar babs wasnt up to showing off that day so we had to go bck a fewdays later but they were able to tell us all seemed fine just no measurements....the nxt scan i had to go to alone as dh culdnt get the time off work and of course bubs put on a complete acrobatic display that day!!! I think because we wait so long for scans u really be excited at the prospect of seeing baby so i can completely understand your frustration...a private scan like suggested mite be the way to go op.

Original poster

HeffalumpTheFlump · 24/05/2013 18:20

Thanks so much for the replies, getting the sonographer to put it in an envelope is such a good idea. Unfortunately we are pretty tight financially so a private scan isn't really an option, so I had come to terms with the fact we might not know the gender if it didnt go to plan at the nhs scan, just gutted we didn't get the checks done either. It sounds so bratty but I really don't want my mum to come with to the next scan, I want my DH :( you are right, I got myself so excited and just feel totally deflated :(

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Alexandra6 · 24/05/2013 19:21

I was going to suggest the envelope thing, but also is there no way your DH could tell work it's a medical app for him that day to get the time off or (really naughty) pull a sickie? I'm quite square with things like that but it would be a really good reason to tell a white lie to get the time off work to be there?

Original poster

HeffalumpTheFlump · 24/05/2013 19:28

Alexandra - ugh where to begin with my DH's work. They are the most corrupt, evil bunch of arses known to man. He hasn't taken a day off since he started there despite having crohn's disease and injuring his back recently, and the other day collapsed at work due to the crohns. They threatened him with losing his job because he collapsed, and treated him like absolute crap. He's on a temporary contract at the moment so they could easily let him go for no reason. So he doesn't dare take a day off no matter how ill he gets or how important the scan is. He's devastated to be honest. A lot of what his work have done whilst he has been there has been completely illegal, but he can't rock the boat because we can't afford for him to be let go. It's so unfair, he doesn't deserve it at all.

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Alexandra6 · 24/05/2013 19:37

Oh poor him, I really feel for him, employers like that can cause so much stress and anxiety. I would go for the envelope idea and open it together and perhaps let him open it and read it out to you, to involve him even more? And you could get him a scan pic - and maybe get your mum to video the screen on your phone for him depending on how nice the sonographer is? Hope everything goes well for you at the next scan, I bet he'll be so happy to hear all is ok even if he can't be there

leeloo1 · 24/05/2013 19:42

Whilst its a bit rubbish that your DH can't be there, can you try and see it as a bonus that you get an extra scan?

My 20 week scan was only 4 weeks ago, but it seems like absolutely ages since I've 'seen' then baby (and I've got another 16 weeks or so til I get to meet her). I'd love the chance to get an extra scan in a few weeks time.

Having said that, I was lucky and had a 13 week scan after baby wouldn't cooperate at the 12 week one and it was great to get that reassurance that everything was still ok. :)

NaturalBlondeYeahRight · 24/05/2013 20:09

You could wait till he/she born? Hopefully DH will be there and you can find out together. I know lots of people feel they need to know, but you are more than halfway there. IMO it's lovely to save the surprise until the day.

Original poster

HeffalumpTheFlump · 24/05/2013 20:10

Alexandra - that's a really nice idea to get him to tell me. He's so excited about the baby, he's always wanted to be a daddy, so I think that would mean the world to him. There are notices everywhere in the scan clinic to say no recording equipment/ cameras etc so I think that may be pushing our luck, but it would have been a good idea! Thank you so much :)

Leeloo - you are right, I just felt like I barely saw anything today, the sonographer very quickly said it was a bad position, tried to get a couple of things each time after I'd jiggled etc, but mostly I just saw a blur on the screen as she tried to get a decent angle. Right I'll start the countdown to the next scan!

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Original poster

HeffalumpTheFlump · 24/05/2013 20:16

Natural blonde - I wish I had your patience!! I desperately want to know if I'm honest. I want to feel as bonded to bump as possible and I'm really hoping knowing the sex will help.

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leeloo1 · 24/05/2013 20:28

Oh that is disappointing if you didn't really see much today. Did your DH? Just they tend to get a better view of the screen. :)

At the 12 week one it was great because they saw a heartbeat (after a couple of miscarriages last year I was convinced they wouldn't) so that was really reassuring, then we had a great 13 week scan - with a consultant no less because of the bad positioning at the 12 week one, where she went into loads of detail for us and even guessed at the gender!

Obviously if you're feeling movements then its a different scenario for you. Fingers crossed the next scan is brilliant for you though.

Original poster

HeffalumpTheFlump · 24/05/2013 21:20

Thank you leeloo, DH didn't see any more than me unfortunately. They were fantastic at the 12 week scan, slowly showing us each bit but no such luck today. Oh well maybe the next sonographer will have a bit more luck and be able to show us lots more.

One thing that was really good though, I have been feeling all the movement quite low down for the last few days and it makes sense because of the baby's position. It was lying sideways across (spine pointing up) with feet pointing down. It's quite nice to picture what baby is doing now each time I feel those kicks. That's something I guess.

Thank you, I'm just going to focus on looking forward to it :)

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Original poster

HeffalumpTheFlump · 24/05/2013 21:28

Leeloo - Also i'm really sorry to hear you went through losing your babies, it must make pregnancy a much scarier process for you. I'm so glad things are going well for you this time, there's nothing like seeing/ hearing that heartbeat. It makes me want to cry every time.

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worley · 24/05/2013 21:37

i very much doubt you will be able to film it. it is against hosptal policy to let people film in our scans. we regularly get people have to come back to finish the scan. babies are unpredictable and often dont co-operate. we have a specific appoinment for repeat anomalys.
we also often have to write the sex down and seal it in envelope for people to open together. we have a lot of people work away offshore in this area.. and dads in the forces, i remember a couple of people whose husbands were policemen and had to be sent to the riots quickly to help out and missed the scans :(

at least your dh got to see the scan today :) and hopefully next time baby will do lots :)
chocolate and ribena before you go next time :)

leeloo1 · 30/05/2013 22:16

Sorry Heffalump I only saw your replies just now but thanks for your kind words. Trying and failing to conceive, then 2 miscarriages, over the couple of years was a pretty horrendous time all in all, but having this pregnancy go well (fingers crossed!) is making it all seem far less painful. And it does make being pregnant now (25wks today!) feel like something of a miracle.

Its great that you're feeling movements now, its so reassuring isn't it? :) I'm glad you're looking forward to the next scan too. However lovely it is to be able to share the bonding moments with our partners (scans, 1st kicks etc), the really important bit is that we get a baby at the end of it all!

Xmasbaby11 · 30/05/2013 23:06

Oh, that is so disappointing! So sorry for you. I know a few more weeks feels like forever. I had to return after my 20 week scan but it was only a week.

I had an extra (free) scan at 30 weeks with medical students looking for volunteers. It lasted 45 mins and I got a ton of free scan pictures, as well as extremely in depth and detailed discussion of the baby. It was great! Maybe you could look around the hospital for any notices about that kind of thing?

Enjoy the baby movements!

Original poster

HeffalumpTheFlump · 30/05/2013 23:58

Hello again, don't worry Leeloo! So happy things are going well for you. You are right, the movements are fab! The flips sometimes make me feel a bit sick, but I love feeling baby having a gymnastics session in there :D

Xmasbaby thank you! :) They actually rang me a couple of days ago with a cancellation for next Tuesday, so hopefully baby will play ball this time :)

DH won't be able to be there unfortunately but if they can tell the sex we are going with the envelope idea :) thanks again ladies :)

OP posts:

leeloo1 · 31/05/2013 06:13

Lol, the movements made me feel really sick too. To start with I didn't feel them as movements, just as weird feelings and tightness that made me feel sick - I was wondering if it was braxton hicks or something! Then I started to feel definite movements at the same time as the nausea and realised what it was! d'oh! Now the sickness has trailed off and I just get cute little bumps and prods.

Fantastic news they've found you an appointment for Tuesday and fingers crossed baby plays ball this time! :)

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