how common is it to not be able to breastfeed

[curlyclaz13]

37 + 2 and starting to worry about nit being able to bf. I would be really quite upset if I couldn't as it is one of the very few things I am determined about. how often can people just not do it ?

Well we know that being unable to breastfeed where the correct support is given is pretty rare, because of the countries, like Norway, where women and babies aren't biologically different to us, but where there is a breastfeeding rate of around 97%.

The problem is, the general opinion is a lot of women 'can't' breastfeed because women may think they can't or they may prefer to say they can't because they don't want to say they chose to stop or they may think they had to stop and so lots of women hear women saying they 'couldn't' breastfeed and think lots of women can't.

Support for breastfeeding in the UK is sadly still pitiful. Even where it's available, sometimes the advice or experience of the person giving it may be limited.

However, given enough determination and the belief you can succeed, then yes, a high proportion of women can. Even for those who can't, there are other options. I recently read the story of a woman who couldn't produce any milk of her own, but gave every single feed at the breast using an SNS (Supplemental nursing system) using mostly donar milk and some formula. That obviously wouldn't suit everyone or be for everyone, but it just goes to show what can be achieved.

Just to add my own experience. I 'couldn't' feed my first three DC, the first two because they were so big and hungry (apparently, according to midwives ) and the third because he wouldn't/couldn't latch on due to Downs Syndrome and a heart condition and 'not everyone can exclusively express' (according to midwives and HV's).

Except, I can exclusively express and have since done so and I now know I could have breastfed them with the correct advice and support. I spent 10 years thinking I couldn't though. I have since breastfed DD through mastitis 11 times and now through pregnancy even though my milk has dried up for now due to the pregnancy.

I'm not suggesting that everyone is in the same boat as me, just that I haven't miraculously just breastfed all of my DC with no problems.

BF for me was a miserable experience. I was discharged from hospital despite me voicing my concerns that she wasn't latching. The midwives were scurrying around so busy they didn't have time to help me. Every time my DD went near my breast she'd scream. By day 3 she was unresponsive and so dehydrated we went to a&e. she was admitted into SCBU, tube down her nose and given formula with a top up of my pumped colostrum every couple if hours. It was the first food she had received since she was born. Day 4 she perked up and the BF counsellor at SCBU worked with us non-stop to get her to latch. She didn't. She'd throw her head back in rage at my breasts and I had to keep pumping colostrum and bottle feeding it to her. By the end of the day the nurses gave me a nipple shield and she latched. We made it home on day 5 and I started my constant cycle of feeding from the nipple shield and then pumping top ups. I barely slept because once she had fed I had to go downstairs and get on the pump. This went on for 8 weeks and our relationship didn't really form. I couldn't leave the house by the end of it because she then started to refuse to BF even with the shields. We went to the Olympics and she went on strike for 12 hours. My breasts were in agony and my clothes were drenched. I was miserable and my DD seemingly hated me! So I drew a line under the whole experience and we switched to FF. it was a good decision and from that moment forwards our relationship blossomed.

I am disappointed our BF journey was so troubled. My DD never latched, despite us attending BF groups for help. I am sad we didn't have that special bond between us. But I will try again if we are lucky enough to have more DC. However I will not be so hard on myself to plough on through whilst we both suffered.

I have learned that breast feeding isn't easy and takes a damn amount of hard work sometimes. But I also know that it isn't right for every baby and there is no shame in stopping. Whatever happens, do not be hard on yourself.

Just to add, breast feeding is brilliant. Nature has created a fabulous way to feed a baby. However, should it all go pear shaped, we are very lucky to live in Europe and have a safe alternative. I really hope you can do it, you most likely can do it. However, don't beat yourself up about it.

Here's a little task for you; go to a playground full of kids and spot the ones that were breast fed and the ones that weren't. Many other factors influence your child's development, not just what milk they drank.

It's rare not to be able to bf at all (but it is possible of course).

But i agree with everyone above saying how vital the right support is. Get hold of the contact details of your local breastfeeding support workers and breastfeeding groups now so you have them ready, snd ask for help as soon as you feel you need it.

I was a bit naive and assumed it would be super natural/easy, then struggled on for several days to the point where my nipples were so sore i was in agony. I then found out the bf counsellor could come visit me at home to help (i didn't even know they existed). Turns out i had bad positioning/latch and once this was sorted it got much easier. Still had a few blips but after a month or two all was well and i fed til 17 months and loved it.

Be determined, ask for help lots and don't beat yourself up if you find it tricky at first that's totally normal.

Best of luck

Slightly worried this thread may be putting the OP off!!

My mum had prepared me for the difficulties of breast feeding and so I felt well aware in advance of all that could go wrong, and knew it wouldn't be instantly magically perfect. While it was painful to start with, DD gained weight very quickly and easily, so I was comforted by the fact that clearly from her point of view it was going great

I felt that having the same mindset as I did for labour was very helpful- aware of potential problems, but also determined to get support to tackle them if I could.

My first ds didn't latch on immediately (probably due to morphine in labour close to his birth, lack of skin to skin, and being induced I think) and for the first 5 days or so I expressed colostrum and syringe fed him, then cup fed him and then one day, once we were home and a bit more relaxed he just seemed to get it. What helped me was not bowing to the pressure to give him a bottle of formula and having lots of prior knowledge from having done lots of reading beforehand. I went on to bf him till he was 18 months, exclusively till the introduction of solids at 6 months and he never had formula.

My second ds was taken to scbu for a couple of hours because they wanted to monitor his breathing which interrupted the skin to skin I had hoped to have. However, after he came out of scbu we had a private room and I spent the night skin to skin with him and he basically crawled up my chest and latched himself on and was away. I had been worried I would have the same problems I'd had with ds1 but I think the fact I was better informed (about biological nurturing positions, skin to skin and also the fact that if he didn't latch immediately I'd get through it) made the difference. We are still bfing now at 11 months and I hope to do natural term bfing this time and let him self wean.

The best thing you can do is get really well informed, find out sources of support now before baby arrives and be really determined. Being physically unable to bf is very rare but it's a learned skill for mother and baby and there are some common problems which crop up and can be solved if you have access to the knowledge and support you need.

Kellymom website is really useful, also the la leche league book "the womanly art of breastfeeding" (title makes me cringe but book is really good!)

kellymom.com/category/pregnancy/bf-prep/

www.llli.org/thewomanlyartofbreastfeeding/

Find out where your local breastfeeding cafe/support group is and go along now, you'll get to meet real people that are breastfeeding and it means you'll know where it is n advance.

I was desperate to bf dd... it didn't go to plan at all and after a disastrous birth, struggling to bf really put the nail in the coffin for me and I lost all sense of perspective and became very very depressed.

What I'm trying to say is please don't let your desire to bf be all consuming - hopefully you will and it will be fine, but if like me it's all much more difficult than you imagined then after seeking support etc you decide to formula feed then that is absolutely fine too.

Trust me when your baby is a child no one cares or even talks about whether you breastfed or formula fed.

My dd is now 10 years old and when I had her little brother 11 months ago I chose to formula feed him from birth. For me that was absolutely the right decision as I didn't want the stress and hassle that went along with dd. It was wonderful for me, no stress, just feed with a little bottle and no pain or worrying about how much milk he'd had as I could see on the bottle how much he'd had. It made the whole experience so much calmer for me.

I'm completely supportive of both breastfeeding and formula feeding but just keep things in perspective and keep in mind that things don't always go to plan and that's fine too, it doesn't make you a bad mum or a failed person. It really doesn't.

"I think a lot of it is about being confident in your body's ability to produce enough milk for your baby."

Bit bloody difficult to do that when said baby has lost more than 10% of its birth weight by day 10 despite endless ours of exclusive BF!!

Giraffesandbutterflies - "I felt that having the same mindset as I did for labour was very helpful- aware of potential problems, but also determined to get support to tackle them if I could."
YYY to this!

HOURS of course, not ours

I would read a couple of good books. I had an nct one which I read in a day or two which gave you the mechanics of breastfeeding and then I just took it one day at a time and persevered. I think it's what most people do tbh. Or they decide it isn't for them and give formula. Just don't put too much pressure on yourself

"The main thing is to stay rational"
^^ This. Very much so.

DC2 was a complete breeze to BF, it was a revelation. DC1 was a weight-plummeting horror.

The thing is, you and your baby are a team. It's unlikely but possible you might have problems BFing. It's unlikely but possible your baby may have problems BFing. (Make sure you get tongue-tie checked, including posterior tongue-tie.)

Give it a go, but don't pin your entire worth as a mother on whether your baby is EBF or not. There is more to being a mother than how you feed your child.

The kellymom website is very good at setting your expectations of what breast-feeding is actually like, cluster feeds etc. Spend a bit of time reading that and it will bust quite a few myths for you.

I think (no actual proof) that actual complete physical inability to bf is rare. Reasons it doesn't happen though are many.

Regarding experience of 20mums I'm close to over last two years not one of us expected it to be hard as its natural. We all assumed it would just happen. All of us were told that baby knows what to do by NHS and NCT assistents. All of us were quite shocked when baby had no further idea than we did. All experienced pain in varying forms (nipples, let down etc). 10 switched to bottles inside first four weeks. 5 of those due to being twins, nicu/birthing issues. Further 5 due to actual bf issues. One for example only had milk on one side, another tongue tie etc.

Of the other 10, 8 had mixed fed. 2 exclusive bf. Of the 8 all switched to bottles totally inside 6mth point. Simplicity, ease, I remember being cited. The two who exclusive bf managed to keep it up for a year, starting weaning at 6mths also.

Now, two years on and some having a second child now, all state the biggest disappointment and regret was lack of support by others and belief in themselves.

Tips we learnt, tell everyone who has anything to do with your care about your bf intentions. Ensure its written large in your notes. Find out now from midwives if they have a bf consultant and how to contact her. In hospital ask as many people as possible to show you what to do. All of us who managed to bf found one person where suddenly it clicked. All of us also feel its important to expect the first month to be your time to practice. All skills require practice but for some reason we expect bf to work instantly. And finally, its one feed at a time. Shrink your world down. You aren't thinking of any further than just the next feed.

All of us found feeding fun, cosy, cheering and wonderful. We all just had different roads getting to that. Feeding is wonderful, however you do it.

I tried to bf but couldn't as I didn't produce enough milk. DS would fall asleep and not latch as he wasn't getting anything. I went to a breast feeding clinic (the midwives were great), took fenugreek and expressed but nothing made a difference to my milk supply. Eventually he lost weight so I had to ff. I felt terrible about it.

I haemorrhaged after birth and was anaemic then found out my thyroid function was rubbish. That's why I couldn't bf (according to the midwives). There are unfortunately some people on here who make out that you just didn't try hard enough and like to make mums feel guilty. If you can do it, great but both mum and baby need to be happy and healthy.

Make sure you have enough support, you know where to go and make sure your baby is checked for tongue tie and if it has one they do something about it quickly. At antenatal classes they make out that bf is so easy. For some it is, for most it isn't. But make sure you know where the support is and that they show you how to feed in hospital,

I know I'm in the minority and I do appreciate how lucky I am but I found it really easy. I assumed I'd breastfeed, dd latched herself on pretty much straight away and is still feeding at 20 months. We've both loved it and have never had any problems (although she did feed pretty much constantly, still doesn't often go longer than 2 hours, but that hasn't been a problem for me).
I'm not trying to be smug and hope I'm not being really insensitive, just wanted to add a positive story.

I think the op is probably delighted to see a positive story by this point Belmo!!

It's highly unlikely you would fall into the small minority of people who physically can't breastfeed. However, breastfeeding is not necessarily automatic or easy. The best thing to do is to educate yourself beforehand (maybe get a book about breastfeeding), as other people have advised don't leave hospital until baby has latched (and checked for tongue tie), write down the phone numbers of breastfeeding helplines, look up local breastfeeding support groups and/or breastfeeding counselors who will come out to your house. It can be difficult and overwhelming in the first few days, but if you get the right support I have every confidence you can do it.

I had difficulty with it, but I went to a support group (when DS was 2 days!) and a lovely BF counselor came to my house as well. DS was diagnosed with tongue tie (not picked up at all at hospital ) which we had snipped. I also used nipple shields (they're not recommended by anyone really, but they were a personal decision and lifesaver for me - could not have done it without them). I breastfed DS until he was 14mo.

I think it's also important to know that if you feel like it's affecting your happiness or emotional state it is absolutely fine to bottle feed (either expressing or formula). If persisting with breastfeeding is causing emotional stress and unhappiness then I'd say a happy formula feeding mum is doing the best for herself and her baby.

Having said all the above though I have a friend who had no problem breastfeeding either of her two kids from the word go. So it just depends. It's good to be prepared though.

Thank you all for your very honest replies, I am not expecting it to be easy and am prepared for it to take time to get used to. The reason for asking is a friend recently had her first and wanted to bf but had problems so is expressing and ff. I am not sure how determined she was as we are not very close friends. I don't judge those who decide to ff as we all do what is best for us. I just know I feel for me it is really important to try as hard as possible.
I have a lovely MW aunt who is pro breastfeeding so I know I can call on her for help if I need it (and while I am cringing at the thought of flashing boobs at her I am sure by then I won't care !) and I will look into support locally.
I do have a copy of the womanly art of breastfeeding which I am trying to read (and ignore the patronising tone!).
At the moment I have no bottles or sterilising equipment so if it doesn't work I will have to send OH out for sharpish.

My lo is 9 weeks, although he was born at 32 weeks and spent 4 weeks in scu. I expressed milk from the first night which he was given through a tube. I continued to express for the duration of his hospital stay, it was exhausting but I felt like I needed to do it for him.
We struggled with breast feeding at the start, I was expressing and giving it to him in a bottle because he wouldn't latch on, and if he did it was for only a few minutes. We have persevered and he is now getting the hang of it. The bottle feeds are decreasing slowly. It was hard and so many times I thought about giving up and giving him formula but I'm glad I didn't now

I think I read that a tiny percentage of women will find it impossible to breastfeed. It was either 1 or 3% and that includes women who've had a mastectomy. There may be more who find it physically harmful to them or the baby ( I know someone who kept going for a few weeks but she has an immune problem and it would have killed her).
Aside from that, it may be easy or it may be bloody hard work, you won't know until you try...
But if your nipples are red raw and feel like they're about to drop off then get some nipple shields. I used them from day 5 to 10 with DD1 and managed to exclusively bf for another 24 weeks and then with solids until she was 12 months.
Good luck!

I can't speak for the ones who haven't been able to breastfeed, but I felt exactly like you. I went to an ante -natal breastfeeding information session and that was a great help. I had a normal, problem free birth which I believe is a factor. I put my ds to my breast as soon as he was born and he had a little suck. FOr the first few feeds I felt like I was struggling to get the positioning right and it hurt but after about a week I felt like I had cracked it. Still feeding him at 13 months and no formula. I think another hard thing is doing the night feeds. Feeding lying down is a godsend just follow the same rules as safe co sleeping. breast feeding support groups usually let you go before you have the baby

Also the only nipple cream worth buying in my opinion is Lansinoh. It's dear but works.

Hi OP

I ebf LO until ten weeks and was on my knees so introduced a bottle of formula at night. At four months we are still continuing and enjoying bf now. I'd prefer to ebf though so my plan if we have baby no 2 (based on lessons learned) is:

1. Will have a home birth next time to ensure relaxed post natal environment
2. Will rent hospital grade pump so I can express from an early stage so I can rest while DP feeds baby
3. Will relax more in early days as I will know that bf does take time to establish
4. Will not panic if baby loses moderate amount of weight post birth. I will know that this is common and that baby is not going to starve to death.
5. Will have no visitors bar v close family until around 12 weeks
6. Will print off that notice from the Womanly Art book, the one you put in your window to tell delivery men not to bother you.
7. Will keep varying position with bf and especially learn to master feeding lying down so (a) I can doze (b) I can sometimes feed to sleep and then sneak away for me time.
8. I will batch cook before giving birth so plenty of nice food in freezer. I will not worry about any other housework.
9. I will stock up on box sets for nights of cluster feeding. I will not panic and stress about all night cluster feeding sessions as I will know that (a) they are normal (b) they will end.

10. I will rent a sidecar cot. 11. If baby cries, I will not assume he is hungry and I'm not producing enough milk (there is a useful table in Baby Whisperer that helps you identify types of cry). 12. If baby is rubbish at latching I will let him feed regardless and not distress us both by constantly trying to correct it. 13. If baby screams and fusses at breast I will assume this is just wind or a fussy phase and not worry it means my milk is insufficient. 14. If for whatever reason it really, really isn't working, I will switch to formula knowing that the main thing is a happy healthy baby and that we love each other :)

Sure there are more, will let you know if I think of any! Think the main thing is just try not to stress about it all. Like others have said there is lots of support out there and videos on YouTube are really helpful too.

My tip - if you can afford it - is to seek out a private lactation consultant who will see you at home. Do that now before you have the baby stand consider an appt now too. That way if things are tricky you have someone on hand to help.

I had a section and would have struggled to get to a drop in and really valued having someone in person to help with latch issues. She also diagnosed a posterior tongue tie which midwives and a registrar had missed despite me asking them to check, helped me arrange snipping it and was also invaluable at getting me the right treatment for thrush when GP dismissed it.

As mentioned above I think instances of people physically being unable to breast feed are rare. But it can be bloody hard and bloody sore.

I also recommend the la leche league bible 'the womanly art of breast feeding''