overweight and really struggling.

[sillyoldfool]

I'm 19 weeks pg with DC3. We always wanted a 3rd, but the plan was that I'd loose a lot of weight first, like 5 stone.... I'd started on the diet, lost almost a stone, then we were a bit careless, I thought it was the wrong time to get pg, but turns out it wasn't. I considered an abortion I was so upset at the thought of being pg when I was so unfit, but decided I couldn't do that then get pg again a year or so later.
Now I'm struggling more and more, I feel like I did at 40 weeks with DD1. My hips hurt, my pelvis hurts, my lower back hurts. On the way home from the school run I'm leaning on the buggy. I just want to lie down, everything hurts so much, but there's children to feed and bathe...
I can't face the thought of another 20 odd weeks of this, I can't imagine how I'm going to keep going.
I don't know what I want from you, I just feel so awful, can anyone tell me it might not continue to get worse and worse? I'm being an awful mother at the moment, it's just rubbish for everyone.

Have you spoken to your midwife about how you're feeling? Is there any way you could get out to do some gentle exercise, like swimming or pregnancy yoga? (I know it's difficult with other dc). Or you could try your gp to see if they might refer you for physio or something.

It sounds really hard going for you at the moment, perhaps your oh could be doing more in the evenings if he's around. You sound like you really need and deserve some rest and pampering.

If it's any consolation I wasn't overweight when I got pregnant, in fact I was the fittest I've ever been, and I've still ended up having a crap pregnancy so there was no guarantee it would've been plain sailing had you lost the weight you wanted. I've been on crutches and housebound due to SPD for about 4 months now (possibly longer). The way you are feeling may not just be because of weight, it is also likely to be hormonal. For me this is DC2 and apparently you're more likely to get SPD/PGP and other aches and pains in subsequent pregnancies anyway as everything has already stretched.

We women are stronger than we look and you'll get through the next 20 or so weeks and have a lovely little bubba at the end as reward for all your hard work. You'll also have plenty of time to lose weight afterwards as well. In the mean time your midwife will be able to help you with a diet and exercise plan which may make you feel better (and you might end up losing some weight during your pregnancy). Good luck and I hope you feel more positive soon.

I've been continuing with the healthy eating I started before I got pg, I'm totally desperate not to put on anymore weight.
I want to start swimming regularly, but the only time I could do it would be weekday evenings, and by the time dh gets in I'm ready to flop, I can't face a bus ride to the swimming pool. I must make the effort though, I'm sure I'd feel better for it.
I don't drive, so I do a lot of walking, which forces me to keep moving, but by the end of the day it just hurts so much.
I used to be so fit and I'm just so ashamed of what a mess I've become, it's horrible.
I've spoken to the mw about being in pain but she just said it was because of my weight.
I just feel awful when I can't face getting up to help my dc with something because it hurts

Please give swimming a try, I know how this is going to sound when you've come here specifically because you're upset about your weight - but I was slim and fit when I got pregnant and it's made not a bit of difference, my pregnancy has been quite hard. Can you talk to your midwife about it and see what she can do to help? Talk to your husband and let him know you're unhappy, I am sure he will want to help too.

All you can do is eat healthily and do what exercise you can manage, definitely yes to pregnancy yoga, it's been a Godsend for me. You can always search for pregnancy yoga videos on youtube as well if you can't get out to a class.

I've just stopped swimming but have been going once a week. I found a womens only session so I would feel more comfortable. Some pools have special aqua-natal type classes generally in the evening, if that could work?

It breaks my heart to see that you're so unhappy with yourself - women really have a way of punishing themselves like nobody else can - you have nothing to be ashamed of.

Slimming World can be adapted for pregnancy if you felt like you wanted group support to lose weight sensibly and you could keep it up after the baby is born too.

I hope some of this helps!

It's not just because of your weight!!!
I'm overweight, always have been. With ds I managed ok, I had the general aches and pains but nothing the average pregnant lady doesn't get. This was 5 years ago! Since then I've been running (6-7km a day). Lost weight and was my fittest ever, still overweight though.

Im now pregnant with dc 2 and my body is crumbling! Ive had spd since 18 weeks. I'm 35 weeks have had everything from HG to spd, now on crutches, constant back, hip and leg ache. I honestly don't think weight has a bearing on it.

I also have a friend who is normal weight, frame etc and her second pregnancy gave her terrible aches and pains and no energy.

I think your age and the general wear and tear of pregnancies and children has a far great effect than a few extra stone!

Get a referral to a physio and chiropractor. Take it easy, it's not something you can walk off all you'll do is aggravate it and make it worse. Give yourself a break

Thankyou for being so kind. I just feel so rubbish, and so embarrassed that I'm like this. I don't often see the same midwife twice, so I'll talk to them again next time and see if they say different.
Dh is great and totally takes over when he get in, but he's out the house for 12.5 hours a day, and I'm finding it so gruelling, just doing enough that the kids are fed and clean and safe.

If you're in London try a class called maternally fit, it's an aerobic class run by physios who specialise in women's health. I started my last pregnancy 3 stone overweight and gained another stone while pregnant. Everything hurt but this really helped me. I only worked out once or twice a week but it made such a difference.

How old are your DC's? Could you take them swimming, although it may not be as much exercise as if you were alone it will still help to ease your aches and tiredness.

They're 5 and 2 and the 5 year old can't swim. I'm not sure I could face swimming with the two of them on my own, if someone could just magic the three of us into the pool it'd be ok, but the getting changed palaver would be a nightmare, and the two year old never lasts more than 15mins in the pool!
I'm feeling a bit braver about asking for some treatment now. I've just had a couple of experiences of things being dismissed because of my weight, when you're big people just put everything down to that, and it's embarrassing to try and argue differently.

No specific advice to offer sillyoldfool except to say, be kind to yourself.

I don't think it's right that the midwife has said it is just down to your weight. You can self refer for physio which may help if you have the start of SPD. Your midwife should be a bit more helpful though- it's too easy to blame someone for being overweight and put everything down to that but she should be checking for other issues that may be causing your discomfort and start taking you a bit more seriously. Good luck

Sounds like SPD. I'm feeling the same and yes, I am overweight. I also didn't feel like this during pregnancies 1 & 2 and have always been overweight.

SPD can happen to anyone and to blame your weight is a bit of a cop out on the midwives part.

I'm seeing mine on Tuesday for the same thing. Good luck.

Don't punish yourself because of your weight. I wasn't overweight at all during my recent pregnancy and yet by 20 weeks I was becoming more and more immobile, I ended up on crutches with SPD plus backache that stopped me sleeping, restless legs, sciatica and carpal tunnel in my fingers. I spent a lot of time despairing at trying to manage DD1 and even just trying to go upstairs would nearly defeat me. All I can say is hang in there, you will get through it somehow and you know it's time limited.
I'm 5 weeks post delivery now and everything has gone and I'm totally mobile again. Good luck.

Silly I saw my consultant on Wednesday and he didn't bat an eyelid at my weight! My midwives on the other hand have mentioned it at every opportunity. in a nice way but its still been an issue, for them i might add not me. I asked about my spd and getting back to normal (I seriously can't wait ) and he said in a matter of weeks after having baby I'd be back to normal. He said it can and does happen to anyone. The bit I like was when he said people who are naturally more flexible tend to get it . Oh yes that's me mrs flexible, lol!

I found it very reassuring that a consultant frankly didn't care about my weight and his focus was the health and well being of my baby and the pending delivery.

I hope your feeling a bit better about everything.

Thankyou all. You've given me confidence that this isn't all down to my weight.
Just had a grim walk back from school pick up though, 2 year old tantrumming, 5 year old whining, me in a lot of pain.
I feel like drawing my midwife's attention to fact that I gave birth to over 10lbs of back to back DD2 with not even any gas and air, so when I say something hurts it really does, I'm pretty stoic most the time!
Cbeebies is on now so I'm having a sneaky lie down before serving their tea!