Not stopped crying about weight after booking appointment

[RJM17]

Hi
I am a little stressed about my weight after my booking appointment. I knew I was over weight and had been going to slimming world before I fell pregnant.
They weighed me and I weighed 12 stone 5lbs which at 5ft 2in gave me a BMI of 33!!!
The midwife (who was a lot bigger than me) made me feel really bad telling me I was putting extra strain on the baby and that I wouldn't be able to have an epidural and may struggle through the pregnancy.
I know I am over weight but I am a size 16-18 which isn't massive. I know its not great for my height but I don't think I am crazily big!!
I just wondered if anyone else had been this size at beginning of pregnancy and how they had gotten on as I am really scared that my baby is going to be unhealthy because of me!!

MNHQ have just given us the perfect emoticon for your MW

She is a nasty, hypocritical .

She was just mean OP. Ignore her. She was having a bad day and took it all out on you. Hugely unprofessional. She is wrong about the epidural. Don't waste another minute on her.

Very mean. As an anaesthetist I've put in epidurals for women with BMIs of 50+ (though that is a tad tricky). A BMI of 31-33 is absolutely no contraindication to an epi, wouldnt even make it difficult. Absolute bollocks.

Thanks everyone.

HP that is so good to hear from someone who actually does this job. I have been so scared that I wouldn't be able to have any pain relief.

Thanks xx

A, your BMI is stated incorrectly - and this is on medical records, so I would make a fuss and point that out, B, you were at slimming world so obviously helping yourself, C, as other posters have said, the shorter you are, the harder a correct BMI is to maintain, and at your size, that is certainly not huge!, D, of course you can have an epidural. Sometimes, a BMI over 35 (although it is more based on the actual back fat a person has, which may not correlate) causes them issues with inserting the needle into the spine - too much fat over the spine makes that very difficult to achieve - but the BMI measure is just a guide here, and any consultant would look at that case by case. As a medical professional she should have explained that to you. When you see your consultant, talk to them about it, explain that your BMI was mis recorded, and about the epidural info, and ask the consultant about what additional risks are that relate to you specifically - not just the general blurb - so that you can also understand properly, as everyone is different, when you factor in medical history etc. So don't worry. Concentrate on eating and staying well and you will be just fine hon x

thanks HP - I am repeating second hand from my doctor friends - you would know best! and now I have a craving for HP sauce...

I'm going to get flamed for this I know but I think that posts from people telling you to eat whatever you like are really unhelpful to you, your baby and the medical professionals who will be looking after you.

I think that Slimming World have a programme for pregnant and bfing mothers [unlike Weightwatchers] so if you are already attending I would really urge you to continue and not lose heart now.
Your midwife clearly has poor people skills, terrifying people to "encourage" them to loose weight is neither constructive nor professional. I know from my mother that midwives attending her in the 70's were very focused on weight and she was lectured strongly about putting on too much weight given the difficulties it causes [she was a midwife and should have known better in their eyes] so perhaps you got an old school nurse or just a cow.
I do think that while her delivery was poor and HP has pointed out, also medically inaccurate, I don't think that advice on here to eat all the biscuits and cakes you want is helpful. Your pregnancy will only be for 9 months. Do your best to eat healthily, allow yourself some treats like any normal person but I would recommend not using it as an excuse to pile on the pounds as it is bloody murder to shift it afterwards. Personally, I wish I'd not relied on the whole "bfing will melt the pounds away afterwards" and had meetings with a few Attilla the Hun style midwives during preg. My DH tried to be as constructive as possible but it was still a real shock to me post preg to find that I am properly fat. Like everyone else, I had a few pounds I could have lost before pregnancy but never bothered to shift (too lazy, liked my puddings too much) but now I am waking up to a challenge on a whole new level.
So - against all the other posters, I would say that you say yourself that your BMI is too high, not excusing her behaviour perhaps it would be wiser to develop a thicker skin and to heed her very poorly delivered advice ?

That midwife sounds horrid! Definitely take notice of what HPsauce said. I'm 5'3 and was 12 stone at my booking appt. I had an easy fast home birth and zero pregnancy complications. A friend of mine is about twice your size (and I am not exaggerating). Hers was an unexpected pregnancy and she was given all kinds of doom and gloom, particularly as she'd had a previous caesarean. She had a good pregnancy and a very straightforward birth. Yes, it is the responsibility of health care providers to promote a healthy life style etc and to advise on diet / weight but she most certainly should not have made you feel like this. Best of luck and of course congratulations!!

Congratulations in your pregnancy. I hope that after reading the above replies you feel better about things. Your midwife was truly awful, I'm sorry you had to go through that. Please don't be hard on yourself and do not blame your weight for your previous MC's. I am 23 weeks pregnant with my first and had a BMI of 33, size 16/18 at my booking, I am also under consultant care for other reasons. Nobody has ever mentioned my weight to me and this has never been an issue. So I would dismiss that midwife's comments re epidural etc completely. And please do not actively try to lose weight during your pregnancy. You can do slimming world if it is really bothering you, they are approved during pregnancy. But I personally think you are being made to feel rotten unnecessarily. I have been eating healthily during my pregnancy, I have times when I eat cakes, crisps etc, not OTT tho and I am still at the same weight I was at booking. I haven't done this actively, I just think it's because I'm eating healthier for my baby (and due the morning sickness at the beginning!). My baby is measuring just fine and is perfectly healthy in there. So please be kind to yourself and try to not let this horrible midwife stress you out. Take care xx

I weighed 13st 6 with a bmi of 32 at booking and must have lost some through nausea as I was the same at 19 weeks, no idea what I am now at 28 weeks. I've not been told I can't do anything and the only extra thing I have to do is the gtt which I'm dreading as wont be able to eat until 12pm when I start to feel I'll if I don't eat by about 8.

She sounds useless. You are overweight (as am I this pregnancy) not on crack! Some constructive advice about diet would have been far more useful and productive.

I wouldn't worry about pain relief yet, it wasn't something I discussed at booking my birth plans were created much later when we had more info about how the pregnancy was progressing.

I was told at booking in to continue with gentle exercise, nice long walks and swimming regularly. Not to eat for two, to watch my carb portions (same size as my fist apparently) and to take folic acid and vitamin d.

I agree with oscarwilde. Unfortunately people don't like it pointed out to them that being overweight carries risks. If it was any other health issue I don't think you'd be offended, but we see any kind of comment abiut weigh almost as a moral judgement against us. You really mustn't look at it like that. It's a fact that pregnancy and birth are riskier, and tbh just a lot more uncomfortable than they need to be if you are overweight. Jaws with both my fist pregnancies but was much smaller with my third. It was a completely different experience, especially toward the end as my mobility was still good compared to the previous times. Posters imploring you to eat cake as if that'll somehow teach the midwife a lesson are very far off the mark I'm afraid. Don't let her comments take the shine off your pregnancy, but at the same time, this is the perfect opportunity to turn your lifestyle around.

I don't think it is helpful to say to the OP 'eat what you like'. No she shouldn't have been spoken to like that, but she is overweight and so should try to gain as little as possible during her pregnancy. It is very irresponsible to say things like eat as many cakes as you want to, very irresponsible.

I did develop gestational diabetes. It was easily controlled through diet for me, although a quick glance at the support thread will show you that many women have to really restrict their diet and take significant medication.
After I had DS2 my sugars went back to normal, but I will have to have them tested every 2 years for the rest of my life. One third of women who are diagnosed as having GD develop full blown diabetes at some point during their lives.
I am currently waiting for the results of my latest fasting test, and the uncertainty isn't fun at all.

My bmi is 38 lol Im 17st something (varies) and i am 5'7 they told not to worry infact they said they could tell my bmi was under 40 lol I am quite well proportioned but it does surprise me that a midwife would be so mean when just out the overweight category. Weight rarely affects pregnancy especially if you eat healthy during the pregnancy. I have ate a mix so far and i have put on a 1 st at 17 and a bit weeks. I put 2st on with my first. 1 st came off as soon as he was born then the other came off in 6 months try not to worry please don't cry this is a great special time enjoy it

Sorry you had that experience. Surely it would've been more helpful for her to be sympathetic and supportive rather than so judgemental! It's not like anyone deliberately chooses to have a high BMI. I am sure your pregnancy will be fine.

Yes OP try and not put on too much weight and eat healthily, but if you have a huge craving for a big chunk of chocolate cake then have it. My start BMI is higher than yours, I've had no complications, the anaesthetic man wasn't fussed as I carry my weight well and baby isn't huge, I've not put on much weight by week 33, you have done SW before and will do it after the baby is born I'm sure, the most important thing like they teach you at slimming places is to be healthy, plenty of fruit and veg etc, if you eat unhealthily through thepregnancy ie try to diet you will do more harm to the baby than good x