How old was/will be baby when you went/go back to work

[Excited85]

As header really, am interested to know what people did and how they felt leaving little one? I'm currently pg with my first and need to let boss know what I'm doing soon, due mid/late Oct but sounds like they want me back start of Jan and don't know what to do/how I might feel. 3 months off seems to be max at our place but work 12 hour days, 5 days a week, thinking might try negotiate phasing back in but having seen posts on here about how some of you wouldn't have left your little ones for weddings etc when little one was only 2/3 months am after some of your honest experiences if you don't mind?? Thank you

Went back full time, meaning 60 hour weeks with lots of travel, when first was 4 months. It was an absolute nightmare. I started loathing the job I'd previously loved, was knackered, resentful and generally miserable. Lasted 18 months, then found another role elsewhere working 28 hours - perfect. Just missed the money!

Went back full time, meaning 60 hour weeks with lots of travel, when first was 4 months. It was an absolute nightmare. I started loathing the job I'd previously loved, was knackered, resentful and generally miserable. Lasted 18 months, then found another role elsewhere working 28 hours - perfect. Just missed the money!

I would try and avoid firm promises if you can. I think what you can manage depends quite a lot on what sort of baby you have / how you actually find it as opposed to how you think you will..

I was planning to be a stay at home mum, but in the end went back to work when DS was 7 months (albeit only part time and with a phased return), partly because DH's job was looking a bit precarious (and he's freelance so being realistic it is always better to have a steady income to balance his). But also because I was really missing the job I do and using my brain. That's just me though, I just am not sure I'm cut out to stay at home full time, I love time with Ds but I absolutely loathe housework, so we pay for a cleaner and DH is expected to do his share too.

however, I couldn't have gone back before 6 months because he was very poorly from 3 -5 months and barely slept at all.

think what I am trying to say is it is hard to make definite plans as there are so many variables at this stage

DS1 I went back after 9 months, to 2 days.

Currently off with DS2, not sure i will even go back. If I do will be 2 days max.

I hated leaving DS1 and financially if this year goes to plan we should be ok financially short term. Finances dictate in our house

Went back when DD was 17 weeks old (late 1990's so mat provision not as generous as now) 3 days per week. Two years later went back 3days per week when DS was 9 months.

Agree with blushingmare that the early days are bloody hard work and only after a few months do you reap the rewards. Going back to work too soon means you might miss out on the lovely times and fun you can have with an 'older' baby.

Your boss is not being fair pressurising you to indicate when you come back. Legally you only have to advise your employer of your intentions 3 weeks before returning. Also more importantly you don't know how you or baby are going to be. DD was colicky and screamed for the first 4 months of her life while I had PND and sobbed for the first 4 months of her life! She's an absolutely delightful 15yr old now

I went back when DS was 4.5 months and although it felt like he was just starting to get easier to deal with I was going crazy being at home with him. He was ebf at that point but work was very flexible with time for expressing and start and finish times so although I went back FT I was not quite up to speed, IYSWIM (although I made up time by having a sandwich at my desk instead of my usual lunch break).

Even though I was desperate to go back I couldn't have done it any earlier due to fatigue,I don't think. And even then it was hard work. A phased in return like you outline in your last post sounds good as it gives you some wiggle room.

Either way the key is to have childcare you are happy and confident with and it sounds like you have that sorted :)

Went back when DD was 8mo, which was the end of the 9m paid maternity leave, we couldn't manage the last few months without any pay at all.

As far as I understand it, for the first 6 months your employers have to give you your exact job back. For the second 6 months, they have to offer you an equivalent job on the same pay. At least that's what my employers said they had to do.

I went back when my son was 5 months old, 4 longish days a week. I am in a fairly senior position in a stressful industry and I have found it really really hard. I have recently been diagnosed with PND and I think this is partly triggered by going back to work when I wasn't ready as well as having to stop breastfeeding because I couldn't express at work. Before my son I genuinely thought I would want to go back after 5 months but still getting up several times a night and rushing back to be with my son who still seemed so little meant I felt like I was letting everyone down. Your phased return seems a good idea to me, I really wish I had done that.

I had the full year 1st time and 6m 2nd time. I found going back at 6m easier, less stranger anxiety, less settling in. Also not yet weaned so no meals to prepare. I had an onsite nursery so still bf her 4x a day with a bottle at lunchtime and 10pm.

DO NOT COMMIT TO ANYTHING

Honestly you really don't know what the birth is going to be like, what your emotions and hormones are going to be like and what your baby is going to be like.

When pregnant with DC1 I was so naive and thought I would have 3-6 months off and I made loads of commitments for work - full day meetings every 4 weeks, & I completed a PHD application at home in the first 16 weeks of DS life (often doing the drafts in the early hours of the morning) and it was just daft - it left me exhausted. I breastfed, like you i wasn't massively fussed about bf, but DS had other ideas and was a bottle refuser!, It was an absolute nightmare - when I had to attend full day meetings I ended up having to wean early just so he could have something when I wasn't there.

I ended up having 11 months off in total - there was a point at about 4 month when I was ripping my hair out and really wanted to get back to work but I think I was just exhausted and I think actually going back to work then would have been a nightmare and would have spun me into PND.

In the end I tried to stretch it out as far as I could - the last few months were by far the best as the baby start to become much more interactive and fun.

I'm now pregnant with DC2 and going to take 10 months at least (9 months & holiday) and saving now to try and take a full year. I'm only going back part time, I'm currently full time and I find it a killer.

I'm the main breadwinner and my work is important to me but it will only be a few years of part time and then I can ratchet it back up again.

Please do not commit to anything - I cannot reiterate it enough!

I am planning to pick up some work from 3months but I am self-employed, work mainly from home, and I am going to be very very part time from 3mo. Have committed to a bit more work at 5months for six weeks but even still I'll only be working half-time and only a tiny bit of that is fixed hours, the rest is flexible.

Your situation - 12 hr days - sounds totally different.

My boss hinted that he thought it'd be good if I went back after 3 months and I'm so glad I didn't! I went back full time when DS was 8.5 months and it has worked well at this age. He is now reliably sleeping through which make a huge difference. I'd have been a wreck at 3 months. It does depend on your baby but quite a few have a dodgy sleeping phase at around 4 months old.

With dd I went back full time when she was 4 months old mostly because I had really bad post natal depression and I couldn't bear to be at home anymore. Getting back to work saved my sanity ... I felt more like me again, even though I had to take 3 buses to take dd to nursery and then me to work!

Ten years on I now have ds 10 months and I am never going back to work. Well I don't plan to. Who knows. I don't want to. I am done with the whole working / career thing, it really doesn't interest me anymore and I'm enjoying being with ds and being at home. But we are poor! Well poorer. Its a struggle. But I would rather live on potatoes and eggs all week than work again! :)

You honestly don't know how you'll feel yet. Don't tell them anything about going back or not.

I went back to work full time when dd was seven weeks old and apart from missing her a lot it was fine. I really appreciated being able to drink a cuppa while it was still hot and have a half hour of peace at lunchtime! I did have to give up breast feeding which made me sad, I had planned to express enough for her to have throughout day but was not able too. I was lucky enough to be able to leave dd with dm which helped enormously and made it much easier to leave her.

Good luck with your return to work, its hard but definitely doable.

I have my own business so planning on taking 2 months off completely (with minimum maternity pay) then will start back one day a week and add more days on as I can. I work from home so I'm hoping I can juggle work and baby, but only time will tell if that will work...!

I took 13 months off with DD and it was perfect. I could have gone back at nine months but was enjoying her too much.

Bear in mind that you can't predict how the baby will be when it arrives. We all assume we'll get one that sleeps and feeds perfectly, and fits in with our plans...but I can say from experience that doesn't always happen! DD had severe reflux, didn't sleep, didn't gain weight well for the first few months (due to not keeping feeds down) At three months I was too sleep deprived to go to work for any amount of time (and she felt too vulnerable to leave), let alone 12 hr days.

The people I know who've gone back at two or three months have had maternity nannies from day one, and then live-in childcare to deal with night waking. I think it really depends on your ability to cope with leaving the baby, and having childcare you trust.

Your employer is not the norm though, and shouldn't be pressuring you to return (even by being 'grumpy')

15. Months off.

By law you have to take two weeks so notssure how your colleague went back after one.

Take the time you need, your baby is more important than your boss! Dont Be pressured by what others have done. Working 60 hours a week with a three month old will be a challenge. Still very much not getting much sleep at that stage.

What childcare have you arranged?

Just saw that grandparents will look after
Baby. For 60 hours a week that is a big ask of them I have to say.

I went back when DS was 6 months. Hes looked after by my parents.

3 months would have been too early for me. At the time it was hard (DS still doesnt sleep through at 19 months) but DS went through bad separation anxiety at 9 months and 12 months so with hindsight it
Was good going back to work before then as it helped me feel less guilty (tho still guilty as I left him crying)

Randomly the thing I was glad at was that at around 4-5 minths he started cryin when I picked up another baby. Thats made me feel that we'd really cemented our relationship, to the point he knew I was his mummy and shouldnt hold other babies.

I work long hours but am still DS' favourite person. He adores his dad and grandparents but mummy wins hands down every time. Which also helps with the guilty feelings of leaving him!

My parents look after DS 55 hours a week. They LOVE it. Because theres always two of them its easier for them. We pay them what we would have paid a nanny so its not for financial gain that we do it.

As they are two they also do their shopping/washing/ironing etc in the week so the weekends are 100% free :-). Our only 'problem' is that we dont like to ask for extra babysitting in the evening and have no other family/friends to ask so dont often go out. But its a choice and
Works for us

I think the most important thing whenever you go back is how happy you are with the substitute childcare (grandparents sounds ideal) and the balance. There is no right or wrong answer.

Just bear in mind that you might feel differently about work once your baby is here. You don't have to tell your work your plans - usually employers just assume 12 months until they receive a letter telling them a woman is returning. They'll cope!

I live in Dubai and the law is 45 days. Insanity!needless to say most women resign and manage in dh's salary for as long as is feasible, then go out and look for an entirely new job.

We are squirrelling money away as much as poss to prepare for this...

Was freelance when DD1 was born but was in 2009 and during my maternity leave clients were either going bust or scaling back. So ended up spending 16 months at home doing odd bits and pieces of work. This time round I'm taking a straight 6 weeks off but as I work from home I can fit in enough work to keep me in the loop.

Ds1 was 6 months old when I went back. (10 years ago you only got 6 months statutory maternity leave). I cried all the way to work the day I went back and for a week or so afterwards. He was was bf and had only just weaned onto solids a month before . I expressed 3 times a day at work to start with, and used to bring home tons of milk a day. I was only part time. it was my Mum looking after him, so I had no worries about his care. I just wanted to be there for him, and I missed him.

With Ds2 - It was a year - (SMP had just been upped to a year)..plus a bit of holiday. Felt just the same, but didn;t need to do the expressing by then.