Identity theft

4 replies

Simian0 · 08/04/2013 19:22

Having a bit of a wibble no doubt prompted by being 38+2 and starting final week of work today, but it's suddenly hitting me how very soon my entire identity is likely about to shift.

I've worked incredibly hard to get to where I am career-wise over the past 12yrs. I'm also the one who's always known as life and soul at the party and the 'good time mate'. I feel like both of those elements of my life are suddenly about to slip through my fingers and I'll cease to be Simian0 but become 'someone's mum'.

I'm stopping work for 6months but feel now jealous of DP half that his work life won't be suffering the same as mine. As much as its going on hold for 6 months there's no telling how long that will delay further advances as I try to build back up when I return.

I'm sure tons of you have felt this impending sense of identity loss but I guess I'm just looking for a bit of empathy as people's expectations are that you must be over the moon and not able to wait to become a 'mum'. In reality, I like me, I like who I am to my partner/friends/family/colleagues.I like my identity. Am I about to lose it?!

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polkadotsrock · 08/04/2013 19:31

I'm always sad that people see it that way, it's a new string to your bow and you will love who you are to your child as much as you love who you are to friends etc. It really doesn't have to be overly dramatic or drastic. E.g. I went on holiday when ds was 5 months, took him with me. Then went to T in the Park was he was 7 months, obvs left him at home with Daddy, then at 8 months DH and I went to Dublin for our anniversary and left him with his grandparents. What I'm trying to say is that life goes on as before if that's what you want and that I still fulfilled who I was to family, friends and DH. Babies are very adaptable and will fit your life with minor adaptations from you too if that's what you want. Life as you know it is not over , I promise!!

spaghettibolognese · 08/04/2013 19:49

Hi Simian0, I feel the same way sometimes. it seems like such a.big change, even though it is something that we wanted. However, I do think that it is just another chapter in your life. Like the last 12years, I think the next 12 will be filled with its fun times and challenges.... at least that is what I'm telling myself

Be proud of what you have achieved to date, but I wouldn't see this next step as a step backwards. I wonder what impact this will have on my career in the long term, but judging by the other mums I know, I think we will be richer for the experience.

And don't forget to make DH pull his weight too

Original poster

Simian0 · 08/04/2013 20:08

Thanks guys,

I think the problem is polkadotsrock is that everyone keeps saying "oh wow, you won't CARE about work/your old life soon. Everything is about to change etc etc". I think they think that's what I'd like to hear! In reality I want to hear that my life won't change too drastically and that a baby just becomes another facet to a great life. I have to sit with gritted teeth/smile on my face as I listen to them.

Spahettibolognese - you get it! Thank you.

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june2013 · 09/04/2013 10:02

I totally get this, I think it's exacerbated for me by the fact that my closest friends don't have kids. They freaked out when I got pregnant and told me everything was going to change. They also said - in other words - that they were preparing for this change and I hate(d) that.

I also had a huge wobble about taking 6months out of my phd to look after the baby and resent that my dh's career won't be affected as much. He was very supportive though and I've decided to do work during my leave where and when possible. I've also planned holidays (with baby and dh / with dh only / with baby only). Who knows how it'll all turn out and maybe a new baby will actually transform me in ways I'm happy with... But at least making plans helps me feel better in the now...

I'm going to my first nct class tonight and hoping - stupidly - that it's not all going to be about babies. I'd really like to meet people & possible future friends but I think I'm more likely to bond with people who don't want to talk about babies only but also about the interesting things they're doing and who they are...

Take care x

Flip