If I ruled the world...

[SourSweets]

There would be a delivery service for pregnant women so that if all you wanted at 9pm on a Friday night was a big crisp watermelon and a glass of apple juice, you could get it. Or if you ran out of E45 and your dry skin was driving you insane you could get some, without getting dressed or leaving the house.

Maternity pay would be your full wage for 4 years.

Everyone would be taught in school to have unending respect for a pregnant woman and the trials she goes through to keep the population going, and how you should not barge past her in Sainsbury's or on the tube.

There would be free mattresses given out by midwives with bump and boob valleys carved into the foam so you could lie on your front.

All employers would offer 5 duvet days, so you could choose to stay in bed when you just really couldn't be arsed to get up.

And finally, SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE would have invented SOMETHING to stop stretch marks.

sounds good to me ! can I have a free taxi service for when you are too knackered to walk ? and the ability to subliminally let people know you are pregnant and not just fatter than last time they saw you to save embarrassment.

Brilliant! The job is yours, when can you start?!

Bollocks. I'd not thought about melon since three o'clock.

Ooh yes! I REALLY want a McFlurry but don't have anyone on hand to pop out and get one.

And at 30 weeks everyone is automatically isued with disability passes for their cars to make parking easier and / or a mobility scooter.

All sound like brilliant ideas - what will we do if you go on a 4 year period of maternity leave though?

WHY DID YOU HAVE TO MENTION THE MELON?!!!

I know it's early, but I might just go and start knocking on the shop now to see if they'd not let me in now for a(nother) one five.

Curlyclaz - absolutely. Consider it done.

LetMe - it's ok, PugOff will fill in for me, she has some pretty good ideas.

Husbands should also be warned on the perils of wrapping their big hairy legs around YOUR pregnancy pillow.

..all expectant couples would be given a voucher for an all inclusive holiday to be redeemed at any point in their pregnancy... I'd kill for a holiday but can't afford it :-( x

and ALL decent clothes shops would stock a decent range of maternity wear.

5 duvet days? per week I assume you mean?