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Original poster

Hope wanted after medical termination

16 replies

BabyOuch · 04/04/2013 12:16

I don't know how to start this post but feel I just need some hope. I am 32 and was pregnant with my first. A week last Monday I had the dreaded phone call in work that I was high risk for Downs 1:86. I was booked in for an amnio on the Tuesday morning and it all happened very quickly. We had to wait until the Friday to get the results, the worst day. I was home alone when the hospital rang to say it was 100% downs and 50% likely heart defect. We were devastated. We did lots of talking, research and soul searching and decided on a medical termination, I was 18 weeks. It was the most horrific experience and all the pain was for nothing as I left the hospital with empty arms and heart. My partner has a 7 yr old son and altho he wasnt the deciding factor, we had to seriously consider the impact on him. We are trying to be strong but I just don't know how to move on from this, has anyone been in the same situation? All my friends have and are having babies and I just don't know where to turn. Please offer some hope xxx

OP posts:
HPsauceonbaconbuttiesmmm · 04/04/2013 12:26

No direct experience but didn't want to read and run. So very, very sorry you've had to make this heartbreaking decision, I cannot contemplate the hell you're going though.

I wish you the very best for in the future. Let yourself grieve for as long as you need.

Rororowmeboat · 04/04/2013 12:30

I'm so sorry for what you have gone through. I don't have any direct experience but i know of a friends relative who experienced the same and has now gone on to have a bonny little girl.

Take time to look after yourself and get as much support as possible from others

Runswithsquirrels · 04/04/2013 13:08

Again, I don't know what you are going through but just wanted to end some love x

LoveLaughingLots · 04/04/2013 13:44

No experience myself, but you have made the right decision for you at this time.

You will feel a bit blue at the moment due to your hormones being all over the place but give yourself time and everything will right itself out eventually.

Sending you some positivity, there is absolutely nothing to stop you getting pregnant again soon and having another baby. Lots of love.

LLL

MammaCici · 04/04/2013 13:45

I'm so sorry for what you are going through. A family member had a different but maybe somewhat similar experience. She was 33 yrs old and 7 months pregnant with her first baby. A detailed u/s revealed a heart problem and an amnio then revealed trisomy 18. At that stage there was no choice but to continue the pregnancy. Baby girl arrived early by emcs due to placenta abruption. She only lived a few days. It was the worst thing I've ever seen someone go through. So heartbreaking. A much wanted baby that just wasn't meant for this world.
But there is a happier part to this tale. Since then the couple has gone on to have three beautiful healthy children without any other problems. They attended counselling which I think helped them and were pregnant again within 6 months. There is always hope.
I imagine there would be a support group for people in your particular situation. It may be helpful to talk to others who truly understand what you are going through.
Wishing you all the healing you need. xxx

fatandlumpy · 04/04/2013 18:56

I have no words... Just a hug instead.

babyradio · 04/04/2013 19:26

I am so sorry. Counselling with your partner may help as suggested above. Maybe also some counselling just for you to help you talk through the experience itself.

Above all, take all the time you need, I cannot imagine how you feel.

RJM17 · 04/04/2013 19:31

Sorry no experience but couldn't read and run and just wanted to send me love and say how sorry I am you had to go through this x

tiredlady · 04/04/2013 19:33

So sorry. What a terrible time this must be for you.
Look after yourself. Maybe counselling at some stage could be helpful.Take care

Rororowmeboat · 04/04/2013 20:41

Try [http://www.arc-uk.org/need-help/bereaved-parents antenatal results and choices] for support

Rororowmeboat · 04/04/2013 20:42

www.arc-uk.org/need-help/bereaved-parents

FrillsandLaces · 10/04/2013 03:49

Im so very sorry for your loss. I had a medical termination 4 weeks ago. I was 23 weeks + 6 day. I didnt want to read and run, if you feel like a chat pm me. Most of my friends are pregnant too, all due around the same time i was meant to.

Its horrible isnt it, i hope your as well as you can be. Did you name your baby? And do you have things to remeber your baby from?

People say it gets easier, its all still too raw for me to be ok with it. Sorry im not making much sense, basically if you need to chat feel free to private message me and i know exactly how you feel. Im so very sorry for your loss i really am xxx

Firstbump81 · 26/04/2014 00:22

Dear BabyOuch,

I am in a very similar situation, 32 years old, had a medical termination at 21 weeks mid-April after finding out our baby was very poorly at our 20 weeks scan. We won't know the reason(s) why until 3 months from now, it's going to be long. Seems to have been the kindest thing to do but so hard...

I was wondering how you are? Did you name your little one? What has help you to grieve?

Keep strong, lots of love xxx

JiltedJohnsJulie · 26/04/2014 00:29

The OP is from 2013.

Firstbump. I've had 2 medical terminations for 2 different things, both completely unrelated, so know a little of what you are going through. I've gone on to have 2 beautiful DC, it is possible. Although this is such a hard time for you and your partner, it will get easier.

Poshsausage · 26/04/2014 09:56

I've has this recently too for a chromosomal deletion and heart problems . We had its twin to consider which has eased our pain and confusion and guilt

Hope you are ok x

Boogles91 · 26/04/2014 11:28

I offer you lotsa hugs chuck :( so sorry i can only imagine how you are both feeling and it must be horrific for you. I. Would suggest counselling together and talking to each other lots, and just try your best to be there for eachother x

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