Child care options when in labour

[Mintie190]

Hi, have been stressing out about what I will do with my 22 month old DD when I go into labour almost from the time I got my BFP. I am now 37 weeks and have no firm plan.

Neither my husband nor I have any family near by (I mean we have no-one!!) and while friends have offered to help, the logistics of it make it really complicated. If we need to drop her off at a friend's place on a weekend during the day then that will probably be ok but I don't feel I can call upon a friend at 3am in the morning and my daughter will freak out if we leave her at someone's house in the middle of the night.

So, I'm thinking using a professional might be the best option - someone who can come over when I am due to leave for the hospital and stay at our place until my DH can get back. My DD goes to nursery 4 days a week so it's really out of hours help that I need.

I've read other threads where people say that friends will help out but I know how much I will stress over this and the risk of someone not answering their phone or having plans which they can't cancel (not least, work!) is too much. My pregnancy hasn't been the easiest and I won't be able to risk getting to the hospital late - I will need medical attention quite early on.

I don't know where to begin to find professional help. Is it an on call nanny that I need? I contacted a doula but they don't really do that sort of thing she said (or at least couldn't offer me that flexibility).

Has anyone else been in a similar situation and used a professional carer? I'm in London so have the advantage of being able to use any number of nanny agencies. I just don't know what I shoiuld be asking for!

Many thanks.

Is homebirth an option? We were in a similar situation and were very lucky that our ds slept through the birth.

Also try ringing some other doulas, ours was happy to stay with ds if I had needed to transfer to hospital so that dh could be with me.

How about anyone from the nursery where your DD goes? My mum works at a nursery and was "on call" to look after a little girl she looked after whose family were in a similar circumstance, that way it would be someone familiar for your DD.

Speak to nursery carers to see if they could help (for a fee) or ask a friend if they really would be willing to come over in the middle of the night if need be (most would).

I'm in a similar situation with only marginally longer to get my shit together (33+5). My solution is to give birth alone, depending on the time/ date. If we get to the end of labour on a Saturday afternoon, then DP will come in for the last bit leaving DS (2.4) with one of the sympathetic offers. But if it's 2am on a would weekday morning then I'm on my own. That would be a bit of a shame for me and DP but our thinking has been that this whole thing is going to be way harder on DS than it will be on either of us and we are primarily concerned that he experiences as little disruption as possible. Plus, as a bonus, I get to moo like a cow and poo in front of well trained strangers rather than in front of anyone who has to take me seriously in an argument. . Obvs, we're hoping for the Saturday option but don't think it'll be too terrible if I am alone at the birth. We haven't considered professional help in this because we wouldn't want DS waking up and finding us gone and a near stranger in the house with him, not sure he's rational enough for us to explain it to him in a way that he'd 'get'.

Oh, nursery nurse sounds good - we don't do nursery yet so haven't that option but I def would consider it

Same position as you OP regarding family, my mum came over when I had DD2 but she can't come over this time so we have a friend down the road that REALLY wants to look after the DC when I have DC3. We have two friends lined up would be better with my other friend as he would be able to have the DC in our home and take them out for special treats whereas friend down the road won't be able to as she has DC and they would need to go her house.

We are lucky that our other friend has taken up the role of cool uncle and the DC could spend months with him before realizing me and DH are not there! Friends are their to help out have as many as you can on standby and try to think of it like this if it was the other way around you would want to help out.

Thank u for your replies. Have come down with a horrible cold and have not been online since this morning. Please don't let it be the flu! It wasn't helped by me tossing and turning all night long stressing about what to do with my DD.

Nursery workers are a good option. I shall see if there is anyone who is local and might be interested. I'm just scared about a 2am run to the hospital. Homebirth isn't an option as this hasn't been a risk free pregnancy. Baby is destined to be huge even though I'm just 5 foot 1 and petite (well, I was pre-pregnancy, now I just look like a whale).

I didn't get to the hospital in enough time with my DD and really want to avoid a repeat incidence of that but know that until I feel she is safe, I won't want to leave her. I imagine it's a common thing in London as so many people are not from here. I guess that's where friends step in and we have had offers but I'm a bit nervous about phones going unanswered and having no back up plan.

I shall explore some of your suggestions.

You say friends have offered to help - have you asked if any of them would be prepared to come during the night? I ask because we're in a similar situation family-wise and a friend offered. I discussed with her exactly what this would entail and she's more than happy to be called any time 24/7. As it turns out I'm now 40+10 and being induced on Wed, so it'll all be very planned unless labour starts before then.

Maybe double check with your friends? It might be better for your DD to have someone she knows looking after her.