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Pregnancy

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Original poster

Choice over CS dates - mine booked in secret

47 replies

redwellybluewelly · 21/03/2013 10:00

I have no friends in RL who had elective sections, but everything I read on the internet suggested that if the only birth choice you get is to choose your child's birthday then you should have this option.

I found out on Tuesday that my ELCS had been booked without my knowledge. I've very angry as I have already had major issues with trusting this hospital.

Just wondered what was standard practice.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

ladymia · 21/03/2013 12:44

Did you get the proposed date and

a) come on MN to rant about it? or;
b) phone up and let them know that you would have expected them to consult with you regarding your chosen date and see if you can move it to a date more suitable to you and THEN came on MN to rant about it?

Personally if I received a proposed date in a letter and I thought I deserved to be consulted I would have phoned up and sorted it out with them.

From other posts this is standard practice to receive a date, but can be challenged.

Your judgement is clearly clouded by your previous bad experience (mine would be too) so take some of these comments on board, even the harsh ones and see that maybe you are overreacting just a tad?

You'd have to arrange childcare anyways? How different will the date you choose be from the one proposed? It won't be weeks, will it? It will be days? I am also assuming you still have enough time to sort out the childcare whatever date you might need it.

Boggler · 21/03/2013 13:01

I had an elcs and got given a date by consultant roughly 4 weeks before delivery. I wasn't asked if I liked the date and I didn't expect to. At least having notice does give you chance to arrange childcare.

Original poster

redwellybluewelly · 21/03/2013 13:13

ladymia I attempted to carry out option B via my MW who was as shocked as I was that this had been arranged with no discussion hence why I thought I WNBU due to me having fairly major issues already with this hospital and the promise at 20weeks that nothing would be arranged without discussing it first.

It wasn't about 'liking' the date as in oh I like the 8th but not the 9th and it can't be the 13th, it was a very valid point which the consultant accepted when we originally met him of having to find someone who was able to look after my child with additional needs.

OP posts:

noblegiraffe · 21/03/2013 13:26

I think your OP was unfortunate in that it mentioned nothing of arranging childcare for a child with additional needs, but that the Internet suggested that you should get to pick your child's birthday. I think that's what prompted the replies as it sounds a bit precious.

bemybebe · 21/03/2013 13:33

Ok, now everybody knows the facts give OP a break please.

Good luck to you OP!

YellowFlyingPineapple · 21/03/2013 13:35

forget involving the midwife and contact the consultant or his/her PA yourself and then crack on and move/negotiate the date to suit yourself. Leave a message or indeed call back a few times if they are unavailable but keep going until you get it sorted as much as it can be. Surely you will need to sort the childcare for your child irrespective of the date they have given you or am I missing something massively significant?

hazeyjane · 21/03/2013 13:41

yellowpineapple, I don't know why you are banging your head against the wall. It was a perfectly reasonable thing to call the midwife (my mw was always my first port of call when I was having problems), and if they are not pulling their finger out, then call the consultants secretary. But considering RedWelly had been assured consultaion about things like dates, I think she has every right to be a bit fucked off!

ladymia · 21/03/2013 13:42

In that case I would go back to the consultant who said that you would be consulted on the date.

What I was trying to say though is are you not just focusing on the negative due to a previous bad experience?

I assume this is not scheduled for next week? Let's assume it's in 4 weeks time for instance ...

How would arranging childcare for the 16th be different to arranging it for the 19?

pansyflimflam · 21/03/2013 13:47

You have been given a choice about what type of birth you have - it is only a date. If you were having a vb you would have to arrange child care. This has nothing to do with your previous birth (sorry but it hasn't)a date has been given and you need t work to it. Did you have a better day in mind? am not sure what you are trying to achieve...............

pansyflimflam · 21/03/2013 13:49

How much notice have hey given you? I cannot see the point of taking issue with this, you are picking the wrong battle

YellowFlyingPineapple · 21/03/2013 13:50

hazeyjane - why phone up the midwife who then has to call the consultant or consultants PA to arrange a CS as they will actually be performing it and know what is booked into the diary and thus what dates are available? Thus eliminating a couple of rounds of telephone tennis to ultimately fine a suitable date when OP could make 1 single phone call and get it sorted?

ExpatAl · 21/03/2013 14:35

pansy the OP has clearly said it's not about picking a particular day and acting precious. It's about feeling in control and having been promised by the consultant that they would make every decision together. In fact though, if you are arranging childcare for a high needs child you do need to be very prepared and dates do matter.

ElliesWellies · 21/03/2013 14:39

I think the problem is you asked what 'standard practice' was, and this does not take into account the circumstances of your first daughter's birth. You are not, and should not be treated as 'standard' because of those circumstances, but standard practice for people who have not had that history would be to just book the date.

I think this is something that you are upset about because of what went wrong with your daughter's delivery. It should not be a problem for them to change the date if you just give them a call - I suspect it was booked by an admin person who has to book lots on the same day, or through an automatic system which missed your circumstances.

hazeyjane · 21/03/2013 15:06

Well, Yellow, I'm not saying that it isn't a good idea to cal the consultant/secretary, but often these people are pretty unapproachable, and in pregnancy it is usual to call your MW when there are problems.

I feel very sad for the op, that she came on here, obviously in a panic, and wanting to have a vent and a worry, and ask a perfectly reasonable question - ie what is the standard practice for setting a cs date (which obviously does vary, because i had no problems with discussing and changing mine) - and got a lot of arsey, AIBU style replies.

ladymia · 21/03/2013 15:17

hazeyjane stop bickering with others on the thread you do not agree with.

The OP doesn't seem to need you to fight her battles and you are turning this into an arguing thread when it doesn't need to be. She seems upset because of previous experiences (as I think most of us should be)

Some of the comments that might be seen as harsh are intended for the OP to get a bit of perspective and realise that it's better to pick her battles etc etc.

If you want to fight for women's rights to birth how and when they want to, go join a movement or something or like a FB page about it.

ladymia · 21/03/2013 15:29

most of us WOULD be

YellowFlyingPineapple · 21/03/2013 15:36

Hazeyjane - I am suggesting OP makes 1 straightforward phonecall to the consultant or his or her PA to thrash out suitable dates, not inviting the consultant round for supper. Seriously how hard can this be? Why involve more people in this process than is necessary? I would suggest that given this person will soon be performing surgery on the OP that a quick telephone call might ease her worries.

hazeyjane · 21/03/2013 15:46

sorry, ladymia, I was trying to stand up for the op because I felt she had some harsh responses, no more no less. I will leave now.

Good luck with redwelly

hazeyjane · 21/03/2013 15:47

oops, that should ne, 'good luck, redwelly'!

QuickLookBusy · 21/03/2013 21:43

Yellow. Maybe the Op doesn't want to phone the hospital herself!! She has already said she has huge issues with them. It is very understandable that she may want someone else to sort this issue for her.

Why do you find that so difficult to understand?

atrcts · 21/03/2013 22:42

I will be booked for a cs but no date given yet. I assumed I would not be able to choose the date simply because you don't get to choose if you give birth naturally and I thought that's just how childbirth is, regardless of the delivery method.
Having worked many years for an NHS hospital (not maternity) I would say that it won't be personal in any way, just you being fitted in at the right amount of weeks (usually 39 weeks for an ELCS?).

I am sure plenty of people could argue they have a good case to pick the date, spouse being away, partner's birthday, sickness etc, and I've heard of people being expected to get what they're given, but I would say that if you wish to discuss your reasons then go through switchboard to your consultants secretary and deal with it directly. Or, every hospital has a PALS (patient advisory liaison service) where someone could take up your case (number also available from hospital switchboard).

Either way it seems a shame to enter birth feeling that people are secretively working against you, especially if theyre actually not. I'd want a much more positive and relaxed birth for you and I certainly wish that for you

AndFanjoWasHisNameO · 22/03/2013 17:38

Sorry you've been through so much already .
The main problem here is that the consultant has wholly misinformed you. It is usual practice to be given a date for ELCS. In your case, I would assume that this has been to specifically meet the needs for your delivery eg skilled surgeon, expected NICU spaces etc. the midwife had also made things worse by letting you think she was also 'shocked'
Genuine question here though-what difference does a few days make with regards to arranging cover for your little girl?
Try not to feel that staff are against you-the experience will be hard enough after what you went through. Definitely agree that some kind of advocate would be advisable in order to maintain adequate communication with the hospital. Do they have a PALS department you can contact?

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