aww thank you NBG.
I think its a big fear of medical staff , hospital envoirment , being out of control , everything being done on a need to know basis and of course , the actual pain and control of myself in labour. I lost a litre of blood and wasnt treated to well during the labour on the ward and birth , as they didnt treat my bloodloss until It was very apparent from my strange behavoiur , colour and general slurred speach that something really was very wrong with me. A day later after my mum screaming at the doctors to check my blood, did they tell me IN THE CORRIDOR , that I needed 3 units of transfusion. I really did feel like a peice of meat with no human feelings taken into consideration. It didnt help that for the 24hrs in my room in hospital leading up to the birth I was not taken very seriously , told to be quiet , they wouldnt put my tens machine on and didnt realise I was in in actual labour (I had been 3cm dilated that morning) and having problems and bubs was back to back. They kept on telling me to go back to bed with paracetomel and treated me like a nuisance. I had no family around as I wasnt in a labour room,my waters burst everywere and I had no one to look after me as I collapsed on the floor of my room in hospital. I was frightened beyond belief and no one cared.
sorry Im going on and on and its all over the place , but I think Im still haunted by it all , as you can see and its ever more apparent knowing Im going to be doing it all again come 15wks.