Please help

[DaisyBoo1983]

I don't think I love my unborn baby I'm 13 weeks pregnant with my second child this baby was planned but i don't feel the same way with my first I was so excited buying things and day dreaming about what she would be like but this time I look at the scan picture and nothing it may as well not even be my baby i'm looking at I have been very sick which I was't with my first so I thought it might just be that and hoped seeing the scan would help but It hasn't I just don't feel connected to it I want to be excited but I just keep thinking what a burden it's goin to be and how I think I might be happier just me and my little girl and I'm finding it harder to keep pretending to everyone that I'm so happy I know I want to be a mommy again I love it so much but why don't I feel for my bump :(( has or does anyone else feel this way I feel so alone

Oh you poor poor thing. I didn't want to read and run.
You will feel love for your baby. It might take time but it will come.
All of your feelings are completely natural, and don't forget that you have all these hormones running around your system making you feel low.

I really think you should discuss these feelings with your midwife - you will not be judged and you are not alone, you need all the support you can get.

Big hug xxxxx

Daisy boo are you me?

I have been feeling exactly the same as this. I was quite sick at the beginning and really regretted getting pregnant, I didn't slow down at work just wanted to forget I was pregnant.

At the scan I got excited but since then I feel nothing. Just wanting my life back, worried about the effect it will have on me and dd.

That being said it properly kicked for the first time this evening and I felt something then. I love my little one and it'll take time but i will love it more. I'm 19 weeks now.

Agree to speak with midwife as I have with this one, they may have great advice or just be able to keep a close check on you.

If it helps with dd I can't remember loving her till about the 6mths postnatal!

I have similar feelings , still at 25 week. I think some of it is self preservation (I had 2 mcs between, so feel safer is slightly disconnected). I do feel guilty for not being so excited.

I completely have "oh my god why have I rocked the boat, it is perfect with just dd1" moments. A lot.

Thinks that have helped me:

• talking it through with to a close non judgmental, mum friend. She was so reassuring that I will completely love this baby when it arrives.
• finding out the sex. It helped me connect more
• telling dd1. Her excitement encourages me- sounds crazy!

Good luck and don't be hard on yourself.

Didn't want to read and run but a hearty 'you're not alone' and 'me too' from here. Perhaps because I so desperately wanted DC1 that I overlooked all bad aspects of pregnancy, perhaps because when I was childless and pg I had so much more time and energy for being pg than I do as a pg mother of a toddler, perhaps because I know that when DC2 is born DC1 will have to share me with him, I don't know, but I'm finding it hard to connect with this baby too. I'm 26 weeks now and feel quite bad about the upcoming birth. Cant offer any advice but perhaps its reassuring to know you're not alone?

I don't think I can help but I had the same thing with my second (although I didn't enjoy my first pregnancy either). Finally went to see my GP at 38 weeks to ask if it was normal to cry every night... Anyway to cut the story short prenatal depression happens but there are things you can do to make things better. Not to say that's what you're going through but I regret not having gone to chat to my GP earlier. Oh BTW I loved my second from the moment he was born - not the case with my first, so how you feel before and after giving birth can be very different. Hormones eh?

Thank you all for you advice and kind words it's reassuring to know that I'm not the only person to feel like this, just being able to get it out in the open has helped and I actually didn't cry my self to sleep for the first time in weeks.
My 5 yr old DD does know and she is so excited and the prospect and I am trying to keep her as involved as I can cause I worry she will feel pushed out or replaced I worry she will think that as she and the new one have different dads. But even tho she is excited it's not helping me I feel like I don't want to put her through those feelings and panic and probably over compensate. I do suffer with panic attacks and have felt so much more anxiety over the past few weeks we are moving into a new 2 bedroom house soon that has been in the pipe line long before i got pregnant and I'm worried if I have a boy ill have to move again so maybe finding out the sex will help I'm just so confused with so many emotions that this baby will just ruin everything I've been working towards.

I read your messages over and over again through the night as sleep is also difficult and the one thing I have decided Is I need to speak to MW or GP so will make an appointment soon

Xx

your very much not alone daisy. I could not be happy or start to love my baby till very recently (now 23 weeks, Pg unplanned and HUGE life changer) I've had to work very hard at being possitive and happy, I had a perfect life and had done my bringing up kids bit. having another Baby was not on my Things To Do Before 50 list!!! (i'm 43) I've had to compleatly re think my goals and dreams.
finding out sex really helped as do the little movements i can now feel (makes her real)
Mother Nature will take over at some point and you will love your baby, take heart from knowing everyone does!
be kind to yourself and let Mother Nature do her job.
With me, i Knew i wasn't clinicly depressed but there was a big black cloud over my head. I spend a lot of time now thinking possitive things, when the negative pop in i squash them quickly.
Hormones are a nightmare and a blessing.
hope your sun starts shining soon.
xx

Same for me 28 weeks now with first and struggling quite a lot but am not good at asking for help, been arguing with OH quite a bit and actually told him last night he can have the baby and I will go once it is born. He has always wanted children where as I was not bothered if it happened or didn't. I realise I will more than likely be fine when he is here and it is probably just hormones. I do feel quite alone in that OH is so laid back he thinks things will be just fine in terms of money and getting stuff ready and we have plenty of time and I am the opposite, it has always been this way and it will never change (been together 15 years !) I do feel like I need a break for just the two of us before baby arrives but we can't afford that either.

Daisy boo of course its not just you. Pregnancy is add hormones, add stress, add worry, minus social life, minus things that you did just for you, add tired, add everyone expecting you to glow like the readybrek kid, minus mobility, and multiply by guilt guilt guilt. I feel guilty because I know this will impact on DC1, I worry she'll hate her new brother and resent sharing me, I worry that he'll be a drain on whatever fragile balance we've built up over the last 2 years, I worry that DP won't love him, I worry that I won't love him, I worry that I won't cope. I'm sick of being huge and nauseous and scared and the endless parade of pregnancy niggles that pop up daily!
....and I think feeling like this is probably completely normal. I didn't love DC1 when she was born. I knew I'd die to protect her, walk through razorblades if I had to for her sake, but love, no. It came over time and now I can't imagine life without her and I miss her when she's at nursery, and I miss her when she's asleep, and she's my absolute sunshine. So I've got to have faith that nature knows what its doing and when DC2 comes, my love will shuffle up a bit and make room for another. But in the meantime I'm trying to be kind to myself and I think you should too. You're growing a whole new person, you need to get as much help and support as you can and take it one step at a time.
PM me if you feel like it and you need a hand to hold