Grandparent smoking

[lozster]

I'm 20 weeks pregnant and already dreading planning what to do about my baby seeing his grandmother (my mil). He will be her only grandchild and naturally she is delighted. However she is a heavy smoker who does not leave the house. Currently, if her son or daughter or me visit she will smoke in one of two rooms away from the living room. One of these rooms has folding doors that don't seal and adjoins the living room. When on her own she smokes all over the house - there is actually black ash dropped every where. When I visit I put on dirty clothes and wash them and me as soon as I get home.

My oh has begged her to stop since he was a kid. She says she will never stop for anyone. Like many smokers she does not believe her home smells of smoke, thinks that smoking in one room while we are there is a compromise that solves the problem, thinks that low tar is a healthy choice and thinks that health issues are scare stories. Oh gave her some some smoking cessation material and she went crazy although she had talked about 'cutting down' previously.

So what to do about baby? We are not exactly frequent visitors now and she won't come to us as she won't leave her own home partly due to being unsteady on her feet and partly because I won't let her smoke in my house (she thought standing in the kitchen with the back door open counted as outside). This is my PFB I'm not ashamed to admit conceived after 7 years of treatment. Am I being precious? I am concerned mainly about SID syndrone though the aesthetic considerations of a stinky baby/pram/car seat concern me too. On the other hand I know how much this little one will mean to her and I don't want to deny her or my son that relationship. Has anyone else come up against this and how did you handle it?

Hi - newbie here . and first post. could someone give ne some more info on third hand smoke. my mil smokes. but Dh thinks Im being hard on her. could do with some pointers to help? thanks

Hi rabbitt - I thought an electronic cigarette would be ideal. The smoking cessation leaflet explained about them and she could get this on the nhs. I'm now going to look for a leaflet and speak to my midwife. This is really playing on my mind. Thanks for all the input.

vintagemummy - there is stacks on the web about this - i put some links on p1 of thread. here is some additional info, including the worrying link to SIDS. TBH the advice is to request all smoker to wash hair, clothes, etc then hold baby when 'clean' - obv. this is v hard to enforce, but there you go. You want to steer away form allowing baby to breath in old stale stuff - put blanket on someone who has smoked etc. It stands to reason that anyone who has smoked must wash hands etc.

E-cigs. Some people I know used them for a time - no doubt they are better than cigs, but we found people just smoked their e-cigs constantly (even in our flat without asking which made me really cross, as they do release some smoke and smell IMO) and then 'treated' themselves more often to normal cigs. But obv. they do not have the same awful chemicals as normal cigs and may be a way to help OP with her problem - just warming that I saw it make some people worse!

Links:-

lungcancer.about.com/od/Lung-Cancer-And-Smoking/a/Third-Hand-Smoke.htm
www.parenting.com/article/on-call-babies-and-third-hand-smoke
www.telegraph.co.uk/health/children_shealth/4126202/Parents-who-smoke-only-in-garden-may-still-harm-children-doctors-warn.html
www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=what-is-third-hand-smoke
www.babiestoday.com/articles/immunizations-and-health/third-hand-smoke-and-babies-6353/
www.quit-smoking-central.com/third-hand-smoke.html

tea thanks for this. have printed them off to show hubby .
that's a fun conversation state for our next visit.
i feel quite bad as Im an ex smoker who has always been hands on with ny siblings niece and god daughter i feel so bad for net realising!

vintagemummy - I know what you mean, I am also an ex smoker - but you had no clue, and it is really new this topic, the medics are trying their best to spread awareness about it now we know there are risks and studies are continuing. Just think - people used to think smoking in pg was ok. I really wouldn't worry too much - I think the high risks come from people who are the main caregivers - i.e prolonged exposure. :-)