Socilaizing when pregnant - is my life over?!

[Kelly1814]

I'm coming up to 10 weeks pregnant and so far don't feel that much different - a bit queasy and sore boobs, but that's it.

However I feel like my life has changed massively - I have a very demanding job and am usually very sociable - go out a couple of times a week with clients and friends for dinner and drinks and the same at the weekend. As I cant drink and haven't told/don't want to tell anyone my news just yet this has meant I've pretty much stayed in since I found out.

I did manage some birthday drinks for a friend last night and sat on a bar stool from 7-1 am and was completely bored as my friends got tipsy around me and I stayed sober.

I also can't exercise due to dodgy cervix so my usual running x3 a week is out of the question. Travel is out too at the moment - I am usually a frequent flyer for work and leisure.

I'm very happy to be pregnant and appreciate that this sounds like a moan but just feel like my life has become very dull and I can't do anything that I liked to do before. The thought of another 30 weeks of this fills me with dread. Not to mention that once the baby is here life won't exactly be party central (for good reason of course).

Does anyone else feel the same or should I accept that I am a horrible person and will probably be a terrible mother?!

It gets better once you tell people in my experience. My friends were happy to swap some of the nights out drinking for meals etc as they knew it would be boring for me to go out and just watch them get drunk! Is there a reason you can't travel at the moment? Is there another more gentle form of exercise you can do rather than running - swimming for example?

It doesn't make you a horrible mother, like you said yourself you know and accept things will be different once the baby arrives but you shouldn't suffer 9 months of utter boredom when the baby hasn't even arrived yet!

Of course you're not a horrible person or a terrible mother! I felt completely the same in my first trimester.

Not telling people is so hard that I also would just avoid situations where they'd guess. Plus you're so knackered in the beginning.

It won't be like that the entire time you're pregnant, soon enough you'll be able to tell people which will mean you won't have to hide that you're not drinking, people will want to see you because they'll all be so excited for you, and your energy levels will pick up around 4 months too. There are plenty of things you can do, your friends will just have to adapt a little bit to include you, which I'm sure they'll be happy to do.

There may well be other exercises you can do that aren't as high impact as running. You could join a pregnancy exercise class or something, talk to your midwife about what's safe.

Congratulations, and I hope you start to feel better soon!

i cannot thank you enough for your very kind words and support!

I am lucky enough to have a pool in the complex where i live, so will get involved in that, also planning pregnancy yoga when i pass the 12 week mark. not quite the same as pounding the pavements but better than no exercise at all!

i'm a little reticent about telling people even at 12 weeks - i'm newly married plus live in the middle east where everyone makes SUCH a fuss of pregnant ladies - which is absolutely lovely - i'm just not a huge 'fuss' person if that makes sense. thought of my pregnancy being the only topic of conversation for 6 months is not something i relish.

so good to know i am not alone in thinking this. i am usually a super positive person so trying very hard to embrace this time and the changes as the amazing process and experience that it is.

thank you again!

You can still exercise - like you I was a bit of a runner before pg, now I go to the gym and swim and do mild weights.
As for socialising - as soursweets pointed out once people know it will get easier - plus you won't want to go out so much - because you'll be tired.
Pregnancy hormones can make you feel a bit emotional - so I wouldn't beat yourself up.
And it goes so quickly - believe me!

Many sympathies: I'm 27+6 w DC2 and after a "breeze" pg last time where I pretty much carried on as normal till the 3rd tri had to peg everything back in this time due to dodgy cervix too. That and the dog-tiredness means I've not been social or active at all and it's driving me batty. I miss my friends, I miss moving (and not spreading out sideways as I swam hard a lot and generally walked places if I could).

I am telling myself this is temporary, and when DC2 arrives (and I'm signed off after the 6 wk check) I'll resume activity so far as I can, then ease back into my social life eventually. I found after a while it was easier to have a night out without drinking (never really got the groove back after DS), and once my close friends knew they were v accommodating and understanding. I am bored with the nappy chat though, and working less hours have fewer non-child related distractions. It's not for long....

I'm also very socailble, but felt quite crappy for a while and didn't want to go out much. Am now 28 weeks and was out 4 nights last week and really enjoyed it and stayed up late, so life doesn't end! But listen to your body, even though its frustrating sometimes you jjust won't feel up to much. I have been keen to see as many friends a possible bb(before baby) as know it won't be as easy afterwards! I also don't like talking much about the bump, so just change the subject and ask people about their news instead!

Poor you - but of course you wont be a terrible mother or horrid person!! Just think - your bodys whole hormone structure is going through a major change - you will feel up and down - it is totally normal. At first I thought - great - 7 more months of this! What the frig will I do with myself? But pregnancy yoga after 12 weeks - fabulous, lots of walks (although in middle east not so easy?), swimming sounds great, I found other things i could do instead - going out for nice coffees (caffeine free for me) together, playing cards together in the evening. It is easier when you tell people. Another things that might be worth thinking about is a new hobby - what about cooking? or something similar? Heston B's books are great fun to read and give you some new ideas. Even though I have shocking morning sickness, I love reading cook books and thinking of all the things I can't eat! I also have a dog (tiny little thing) and find that really helps structure my day too. After about 12 weeks, I felt better, everyone knew, and it got a lot easier. I am now 18 weeks, and nearly half way there. People keep telling me, by 30 weeks it will just fly by and you will long for when you felt 'bored' - lol!

It definitely gets better when you tell people.

I've carried on going out in the evenings although agree it is not the same. Am also socialising in some different ways - for example will often meet folks for a really nice brunch or coffee which I probably didn't do so much as before.

With exercise, check out what else you can get into. In London there are some great classes run by Maternally Fit which are exercise classes for pg people. A really good workout, but completely safe and run by physios specialising in women's health. I don't know what your exact issue is with your cervix, but perhaps look for things in your area. Also yoga and swimming are good.

As for travel, I continued to fly and Eurostar for work and leisure with my last trip at 33 weeks.

Yes, things are different, but not necessarily worse and just imagine the joy of no hangovers for 9 months+!!!

I stopped drinking before I got pregnant and I found out that I still had fun with the people I really liked before and that there is this group of people that are really only fun with a few drinks - yeah so don't really hang out with them anymore, or as little as possible.
During my non drinking phase I worked in the Middle East for a bit and I actually found it easier there! For one because the colleague I used to go 'drinking' with was muslim and also because it's simply a lot more accepted to not drink.
I also found that more people than I had expected did not query my non drinking ways and the few that did ask I managed to distract off their line of questioning.
Oh, and stick with pubs that stock Becks Blue or Holsten alcohol free, then half of the people don't notice anyway!

I did take up other hobbies - completely contrary to normal behaviour I have taken up baking bread and cakes ... next thing you know I will washing the windows!

In answer to your original question - no it's not exactly 'over' but it will be very very different...

Its gets better! I got preg in Jan. Feb & Mar were god-fing-awful debilitating sickness and tiredness.

However by the end I was bounding about - we did Reading Festival when I was 8 months, saw Lady Gaga when I was 8 1/2 months and I was on stage in London with my DH's band exactly a week before I gave birth!

Yup I agree with previous posters. I was absolutely knackered for the 1st trimester but decided to just crack on; lots of parties, I liked being sober as I could drive home! I mountain biked down the Alps (carefully) rode my horses, did a track day (before I had a bump, or harness could have been dangerous).