Miscarriage now partner has mixed emotions about trying again - anyone experienced this?

[Inshock73]

My partner and I found out we were expecting in early Feb, it was a real shock because firstly I was 39 (partner 36) and we fell pregnant straight away which we really wasn't expecting due to my age (we don't have any other children). I don't know whether it was down to pregnancy hormones, shock or what but instead of feeling happy I couldn't stop crying, felt out of control, terrfied, needed constant reassurance and a completely different person to my normal self. Sadly we went for a scan at 8 weeks and there wasn't a heartbeat, there had been at 6, and I've now miscarried the baby.

I'm keen to try again as soon as I can but my partner isn't. He feels the last month has been an overwhelming emotional rollercoaster and he hated seeing me so unhappy (he was very supportive) he's now reverted back to thinking about all the negative things around having a baby like loss of freedom and expense etc... I'm also scared of trying again because I didn't feel anything like I expected to, I thought I would be excited and instead I was a mess.

I don't want to push him in to trying again but I want to try again... Has anyone else been in this position?

So sorry about your loss. I've never really experienced it. But all I can say is give him time. You also need the time. Talk about it with him. There is nothing like communication to get a couple thru a difficult time. Tell him how u feel about wanting to try again. If he knows how much it means to u and how things like freedom won't matter when there's a little bundle around maybe he'll change his mind.

ong de ja vu here... i really dont want to worry you, as every couple is different..

i had an early mc at about 4-5 weeks about 2 years ago... before i fell pg my partner was really into having a baby. but when i actually fell preg he changed... he was more aloof and distant which made me anxious.. after i lost it, he admitted he felt scared when i told him i was preg.
he assured me that he didnt have 2nd thoughts about us. just wanted to wait longer before retrying. but a few weeks later he dumped me via facebook, moaning that he wants to travel and stuff. i never saw him again.. and it still hurts.

but that doesnt mean your dp will be like my ex. my ex was just a coward. and it was a distance relationship. maybe give him some time to let the dust settle, have some couple time just you and him and see where it takes you xx

I think it is hard for men to see their partner going through such a difficult time both emotionally and physically. I think in some ways they find it harder after it has happened as they are trying to be the strong one and be there for you then it suddenly hits them. My DH took longer to comes to term with our second miscarriage than I did. I think you need to keep talking to each other and give it time. Maybe he just needs a bit longer to get his head round it. He's probably terrified of it happening again (as you will be). We had six miscarriages over four years but our gorgeous daughter turned one a week ago, so it can happen and you can get through it.

I wish you the very best of luck for the future x

I think it's really normal after a mc not to want to get hurt again.

My husband was keen to try again and I really didn't want to.

However, I read this and it really swung it for me. Maybe show it to him?

m.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2010/aug/06/bmj-advice-for-women-who-miscarry

And acknowledge his fear. Miscarriage is really hard for men.