Doulas

[Confused40]

Has anyone else booked or used a doula in pregnancy, birth and after baby arrives?

I haven't used a doula but know people who did, and loved it and highly recommended it. I want to but DH isn't too keen on it, plus the price is a bit of concern too. I think if I was having a home birth, I would definitely push for one.

There are also 'student doulas' who offer a much cheaper package.

Having looked into it on the doula uk website, and from advice from here, found out there is an access fund for those who would struggle financially. This means doulas can be accessible for all women.
I'm meeting up with several doulas next week and would really appreciate any advice.

I have one for my birth in 2 weeks!! It's not cheap (£800ish) but as a ftm I'm so glad we have her!!
We've met twice and she has got to know my and my husband well, we're even going for coffee before baby arrives too! I feel very relaxed around her and able to talk to here about anything. It'll be great up have some support for my oh on the day too.
She knows all about relaxing, aromatherapy, massage, breathing and positions and with her help I'm going to stay at home as long as I can.
If you can afford one, do it, I can't express this enough!!

Xxx

I personally can't think of anything worse than having a doula, but we are all different!

I had a doula at my birth, she was great! Helped me focus on my breathing and massaged my back! I didn't have any family around so the visits after the birth were useful. I would definitely use a doula again.

Forgot to say that it's important that you click with whoever you decide on. You need to feel relaxed in their company.

I had a doula and it was one of the very best decisions I've ever made. When she arrived at the hospital she totally transformed my labour from something that was frankly looking very ugly to a completely calm and beautiful experience for all three of us. The birth unit was full and it closed shortly after we arrived; there were three midwives between eight labouring women and I was put in a side room and briefly seen for heartbeat monitoring every half hour to an hour. Other than that we were left completely on our own and I was in a lot of pain that I couldn't manage. Our doula turning up was a massive turning point; the only mistake we made was not calling her sooner.

In terms of practicalities, we had three meetings before the birth to get to know each other and talk about my expectations and preferences. She loaned me a tens machine all set up with new pads, batteries, etc and showed me how to use it. She brought aromatherapy oils to the labour suite, sorted the lighting out, fed me energy tablets, massaged me. Then when DS was born she helped me latch him on and get him feeding. She was awesome. She is coming today to do a post natal follow up and collect the books she loaned me. All in the package cost £450, which I think was an absolute bargain!

It's so reassuring hearing positive experiences others have had. I'm meeting prospective doulas this week. What kinds of things do I need to ask them? ( sorry if that seems obvious) just want to make sure I'm thorough and don't forget anything

I asked about their experience and how they came to doula-ing and and I asked for referees from the person I chose. Other than that I just chatted generally to see how we got along - mainly about birth and pregnancy so I could suss out their philosophy/approach. I met one lady who was very pro natural birth and anti epidural and didn't feel comfortable with that so moved on. The most important thing is that you feel relaxed and comfortable with whoever you choose and that you are confident that they will support you in trying to achieve what you want.

I had a doula for my first baby and she was great, especially as I had a home birth. She did a good job in building my confidence as I don't feel that I need her this time round. If you would like a bit more support and someone who is totally focused on your choices, then a doula is definitely a good idea!

I had a doula and I wouldn't have one next time. I came very close to telling her to f@&k off out of the room. The only one I wanted very close to me was DH and she was in my face and was more keen on me having a natural birth than I was. She tried to get DH on her side to convince me not to use pain relief. DH felt supported by her. I didn't. I honestly wanted her to go away for most of labour.

That said I'm the only person I'm aware of that didn't like having a doula.

How do you go about finding a doula, and at what stage of pregnancy? Think from this thread that i might like one...

I looked online and emailed the ones who looked promising. MammaCici why didn't you ask her to leave?

Maybe try Doula UK as a starting point.

I should have. There's no real accounting for why I didn't. I guess I was concerned about being rude which I know is ridiculous. I did eventually look her in the eye and say to her "I'm not f@cking deaf" because she was talking about me like I wasn't in the room. In my head that was her warning, she chilled out a bit after that and took more of a backseat. She started helping the midwife more and didn't get in my face again. My midwife at that point was fantastic. She had wonderful calm energy and totally got my groove. Unlike said doula. I guess the lesson is choose your doula well.

"There's no real accounting for why I didn't."

Sorry stupid question!

I've met two doulas this week, and am meeting another two before I made my decision. I have to say these woman are amazing, and seem to understand the needs of women during pregnancy and labour. I think once I've met at least four/five I will be able to made a decision. I think though that I might have met one that is a huge possibility, but I'm leaving my mind open until I've met them all.
I would promote doulas to all women during pregnancy and labour though. The thought that I will be supported by a woman who has my best needs at heart is very reassuring. Knowing she is there 100% for me, and will support me and not dictate, but listen is wonderful. I'm looking forward to the end of this week so I can start getting to know my doula before my wonderful little one arrives.