Totally freaking out about telling people

[bingeddybongo]

I've just got myself into a right tiz by accidentally watching One Born Every Minute, which I bawled my eyes out all the way through, and am now in a proper state panicking about telling people I'm pregnant. I'm struggling with telling myself, and it just all feels a bit too soon.

Me and DH are going to his parents tomorrow to tell them. I'll be 10+6 and have my scan a bit early, next week - we wanted to do it (have the scan and tell his parents) before we went on holiday. But I really haven't quite got my own head around being pregnant - I kind of thought I'd start trying to do that when I got to 12 weeks. I've never desperately wanted children and I feel totally unprepared for, well, absolutely everything about it (though that's not to say I'm not going to totally fling myself into motherhood with everything I've got and I know I will adore my own baby like nothing else); so I'm having to totally change the way I think about the rest of my life, which is taking some doing. I just haven't quite got used to the idea of me actually having a baby and so I'm totally freaking out about telling everyone else.

I've had to tell work, but I managed that over the phone which was fine, I told them totally factually and that was it. I just don't know how, with family and friends, I'm going to react to telling them. I don't know HOW I'm meant to react, I'm probably meant to be all giddy and excited and they're all going to be so ridiculously excited and I just don't think I'm anywhere near as excited about it (yet) as any of them are going to be (including DH, who is absolutely beside himself and being utterly amazing). They'll probably think something's terribly wrong if I don't look terribly enthusiastic about it, and I'm genuinely worried I might just burst into tears!! I don't like making a fuss anyway, and I don't want my life to be consumed by being pregnant (which it currently is anyway, bloody morning sickness) and other than saying "I'm pregnant", I don't know what else to say.

I don't suppose anyone else feels like this, or has felt like this, or even if they haven't, please, please has any advice for me?! Thank you :)

You don't have to tell anyone. Not yet. People might begin to guess in a few weeks, so you might want come out before you are visibly pg to prevent rumours and second guessing.

I'd test the waters with one or two really close family or extra special friends with whom you can be really honest. I found telling my family really hard - got properly wobbly before I told them which was a complete surprise as I was looking forward to it so much. In the end, their reactions made it easier to get my head around it and made it all seem more real.

You don't need to tell everyone all at once.

My cousin felt like this. At least thats what I guess she felt.

I had just had my first DC when she discovered she was pregnant. Her mum and mine and I was all gushing about how fantastic it was and she just sat there with a forced smile on her face.

I think she eventually warmed to the idea, though it took the baby actually arriving and being totally loveable to convince her completely.

She went back to work when her first was 6 mths. She's always combined working with motherhood. Thats what suits her best

Don't try and force feelings that aren't there yet. And don't worry about the lack of excitment. It has no bearing to how you'll be as a mum.
And be honest with family and friends they won't find it that odd that your taking some time to get used to the idea.

Thank you so much for your responses, you're all totally right. We're not planning on telling everyone all at once at all, just our families because I very rarely see mine and we'll be with them next week so we wanted to tell DH's as well. I'm not planning on telling anyone else for a little while because I just don't know how to, but for the most part I can probably do by email (cop-out!) because I won't see any of my best friends for months so it wouldn't be considered odd at all. I suppose it's just I know how excited our families are going to be... when I'm not.

Shybairns you're absolutely right and I do totally know that, I know I'll eventually get my head round it (thank goodness I've hopefully got another six months!), I'm just having trouble coming to terms with my life being entirely different to how I was thinking it would turn out. Though I know I'll fall in love with my own baby, all my logical, practical thoughts go totally against the idea of having one! I guess I'm just going to have to go with the same expression as your cousin tomorrow night ;)

I hated the thought of telling people, felt like I was advertising the fact that I'd had sex - to all and sundry!

It was OK though.

Don't worry too much. You'll build it into something bigger than it needs to be and that's not helpful. Take your time, and know that your family and friends will be delighted whenever you do tell them. Also, if there is less time still to go, that's easier on everyone. I totally hate being fussed over when its unnecessary and my MiL does tend to go overboard with not lifting/moving/anything.

I was always adamant I would never have children. Completely against it, very vocal, no no no. Then when I hit 31 things changed. My DH was always neutral but it seemed suddenly so important to me, beyond anything else. I said nothing to anyone else, because the pressure of 'trying' seemed to dominate other family members and I didn't want that. So when it happened on month 2 I was shellshocked. I had a complete meltdown at work at 5 weeks and told them as a result, but then felt bad that work knew and not my family. So I made my DH tell them on the phone. I just couldn't do it face to face. I then didn't actually see any family until I was about 10 weeks and then once we had the scan, I'd come to terms with it and anyone who wanted to say 'told you so' had got it out of their system. Once you see the scan pictures things really do change, it's hard to feel its all real before then, at least that's how I felt.

The only person I felt didn't join in with the pleasure was my mum, but she was worried because my DSis lost her first at 21 weeks, so she is always very cautious now about not getting too carried away. Once we got beyond that she got into it more. She's been the same this time with DC2. Talking about things with friends and colleagues in particular helped, mainly because they were less involved in many ways than family were. I felt I could say the scary thoughts and fears without offending or being judged. But it depends on your situation.

You are feeling completely normal. It will come, and actually a slow build up is easier because it is a long road still. Once you hear that heartbeat and see the pictures, you will fall in love. I think you do know that though. For now, enjoy having your own precious secret! Good luck!

I don't have any advice, but I too was unsure about having dcs, told anyone who asked I didn't want them - didn't even know for sure when we were trying to conceive. I now have 2dcs and it feels like the most natural thing in the world.
I once asked an acquaintance who'd a young baby, when she knew she was ready to be a mum. In the delivery suite, was the reply! Try not to worry about it all feeling strange just now - it is strange. And great!

I was similar. I really wanted to have kids but when I got pregnant I kinda freaked. We told my mum by putting a scan picture in a card and letting her join the dots, so I didn't have to say the words. I asked my brother if he wanted to be a godfather and let him join the dots too. I told work straight out but was hoping for gossip so I wouldn't have to tell everyone, but I work with loads of men and they really don't talk enough, so had to tell loads of them individually..... Hubby told his family. I have to say I really dreaded telling people and didn't enjoy it. but once it was done, it was done! I really didn't have the excitement either, anytime somebody got too excited or made me uncomfortable I would say that things were early days yet and that I didn't want to get too excited until later in the pregnancy just in case. I was told not to be silly, that things would be fine and I just responded that I would prefer to deal with things in my own way, just to be safe all the same.
I'm 36 weeks now and am still trying to get my head around things. I have a huge bump and still feel a bit uncommfortable around people, I just really don't like the fuss. I think I must be odd. We have everything bought and organised and there is still a part of my brain that is still in disbelief. I am 35 and have wanted to be where I am for years but still feel unprepared and think I will be surprised in a couple of weeks when somebody give me an actual baby to bring home......
Don't be hard on yourself, let your partner tell people if that helps, do things your own way. the scan helps a bit to get your head around things too. take care...

Hi, I can sympathise. We weren't trying so it was a shock. We decided to tell parents after booking in appointment. I didn't make it that far and ended up ringing my mum in a panic and blurting it out through tears while walking down a main road surrounded but students that I teach. Not what any of us wanted but at least I could talk to my mum! We also found that where we expected giggles and hugs we sometimes got quite subdued responses. Concentrate on what you need and try not to worry about other peoples' reactions. Good luck!

Wait till you have had your scan before you tell people.

Ohhh... thank you, thank you for these amazing responses, you have no idea how much they help. I'm feeling a little bit better this morning after my total meltdown last night (isn't it lucky I'm totally off booze :)) and waking up to these messages has helped loads. It's such a relief to know I'm not the only one.

I'm 34 and my biological clock just never started ticking, I couldn't work out if I really didn't want kids or had just told myself so long that I didn't want them that I'd made myself not want them; in any case, I thought once we started trying it would take forever but like Snowflakepie it happened pretty much immediately. Talk about a headf*ck.

So anyway, thank you all, and Smiler your last point is especially useful - thank you!

Hi bongo,,,I could've written this post 7 years ago, I was crying in the car on way to tell parents and in laws I just knew I wasn't over the shock of finding out and I knew I certainly wouldn't be able to to be gushing with happiness about it, other people I told over the phone so they couldn't see my face,,,you are def not the only person who had ever felt this way. Everyone is different but I was around 25-30 weeks before I started to get really excited and even after my dc was born it was a big shock, having said that I'm now 36 weeks with a very much planned dc3 and can't wait to have 3, never thought I'd see the day, good luck, it's fab you will be fab, relax and don't worry x

Hi, I'm another one that can totally relate. Hit 33, though ok lets give it a go, thought these things take time - they didn't & then the usual SHIIIIIT.

But with regards to telling people I wanted to wait as long as possible, I'm a private person, was always anti kids and couldn't be bothered with the fuss.

Unfortunately my hand was forced yesterday, I went to the doctors to get it all confirmed (am only 5 weeks) & typically found myself handing my sample and getting my midwifes appt from my sister in laws flat mate (I had no idea she worked there). They're a proper party crew and even though I know its more then her jobs worth to let slip, I also know its pretty good gossip and what I'm like when I'm drunk.

So anyway we ended up having to drive straight to his mums to tell her (it being a Friday time was potentially of the essence). Although the chances of his mum find out second hand we're low he was quite stressed at the thought of it happening.

Anyway I really wasn't in a good telling people place, didn't particularly want my MIL to be the first person I told & wasn't ready for anyone to know. BUT it was lovely, her reaction was so nice (not over the top - just happy) that I felt really good when we left. Shes sworn to secrecy and I'll tell my family in 2 weeks when I see them and everyone else much later.

So the moral is don't stress, its good news and I was so not up for yesterday and it was fine. You'll be fine - good luck & congrats!

Hi, I'm also freaking out about telling people. Im 12 weeks, scan on monday. Already had dating scan at 10+3. Ive told my parents and a few close friends and my boss (which was fine actually, flapped for ages but he was fine) but now he said he will leave it to me to tell the rest of the team in my own time. Thing is I'm the only female in a sales team and I'm so worried they will see me differently, not one of them anymore and vulnerable as I often have to partake in banter and football talk etc etc. I know I'm being silly and they will probably be happy and be very caring towards me (been there many years). I don't know if I should make an announcement, or just tell them one by one but pregnancy is not a hot topic of conversation with a group of guys so I don't know how to tell them. I guess its my fear of change kicking in. After that I have to tell my friend who's been TTC for 3 years and she is gonna hate me, not to my face, but she will really hate me.