Last Post - Heavy Drinking Before I Knew I Was Pregnant (have to decide today)

[tsmith02162013]

I appreciate the women who responded to my first thread about drinking (heavily) before I knew I was pregnant.

I have to make a decision today as to what I am going to do- keeping going or not. I am hoping to hear from any woman who drank as heavily as I did before she knew she was pregnant and then went on to have the baby.

When I was 28 days (4 weeks) since my last period, I drank two bottles of wine (standard 750 ML size) in one night. The next night, I had 3 drinks (1 beer, 2 glasses of wine), and the night after, I had 4-5 beers.

I was also drinking earlier that month, usually a glass of wine here or there. What really worries me is the binge drinking, the heavy drinking, the night of 2 bottles of wine.

If I can find mums who had a drinking problem like I did, who drank that heavily before they knew, I think it would be enough to settle my mind. My GP and midwife, who I saw since the last thread, were not very reassuring, although we did see a heartbeat.

T-Smith try to put things in perspective. If it wasn't the mother herself who got in touch how do you know the 'ins and outs' of the situation.

Someone had asked if you were American. If you are I do think attitudes to alcohol are different there. Here we regularly self medicate with alcohol and there it is socially acceptable to self medicate with anti-depressants.

I am pro animal therapy. My cats are very soothing.

On a personal note I was on Prozac for 2 1/2 years and stopped when I saw my GP re TTC.

I had what I now realise was a breakdown of sorts last year resulting in me not just hitting self destruct but jumping on it repeatedly until the button was broken. I had anxiety, depression and just wanted to hurt me and push away anyone close. Thank god my husband stuck with me throughout and we are now very close and stronger for it.

The reason I am telling you is that I understand how you can become engulfed in anxiety and lack of self confidence because if your baby is unhealthy you will perceive it to be your fault.

Do you consider the father's health. Was he a t-total, healthy eating regular exerciser?

Then lastly there is a risk in every pregnancy which women put to the back of their minds, then just hope and pray for the best.

Another consideration may be what if you were unable to conceive again after termination. I am not anti-abortion as in some cases it may be justified but I think in yours it's trivial.

I can't help but feel its your own self loathing, self attack that drives your fear for your baby.

Yes I have to second the advice, your (our) concern is drinking at 4 weeks when the baby is still self sufficient. Some second hand story about someone who drank twice as far into her pregnancy really isn't relevant (and sounds suspiciously malicious to me anyway).

Just get back to your rational place & stop beating yourself up. You've had time since to get your system good and healthy for the plug-in (couldn't think of a better word) so focus on that.

I'm sure like me the second you found out, it was game on and everything by the book. We're not bad people, we found out in time, its ok to be happy

Hey there

My DC1 was a direct result of a drunken night with my DP - I then had a binge drinking session a couple of weeks later - then found out I was pregnant and only then started with the Pregnacare vitamins.

She is fine.

DC2 and soon to be DC3 not result of drinking but nor planned therefore again no vitamins taken until I knew.

All three - touch wood - are fine.

I have taught a child with foetal alcoholic syndrome but her mum was a hardcore alcoholic - talking hitting a bottle of scotch per day throughout and schlerosis etc

I would have thought you would be fine OP.

Thanks again, everyone. I could not believe that someone would message me like that, to tell me to "not kid myself" about the risks of drinking before I knew, for my baby. I feel more and more like this person may have been just trying to upset me, and he/she almost succeeded.

I have another counselling session on Monday, which should be helpful.

OP that anonymous poster only contacted you in order to scare you. They could have added a post to this thread but chose not to - to do more damage. If they had added their thoughts here they would have been shot down. God knows what motivates these people

Fuck that random doom-sayer! Stay with your own hard-won level-headedness about this.

Congratulations on your pregnancy. All will be well (my story about drinking before I knew I was pg is somewhere up thread with all the others! ).

this may or may not help you... ive read through your posts and comments.. im now 36+4.. lying awake at gone 1am because my little toerag is kicking the wind out of me!! i didnt find out i was pg till 8weeks.+2. ..right up until that point i drank EVERYNIGHt.. i was a student.. living above a pub.. the weekend before i found out my and my partner drank litre of jack daniels. my darling little girl hasnt raised any concerns... shes moving and growing as she should be.. :) and hopefully... will come on time.. because im dying to meet her!!
good luck.. i hope this is of some reassurance..xxx

I got knocked up at University and didn't find out until 20 weeks. I drank like a fish and smoked like a trooper. I gave birth to a large baby boy who is now 16. He's intelligent, courteous and, occasionally, a pita! Just like every other 16 year old!

At this early stage, I really wouldn't worry.

tsmith your anxiety sounds generalised to me (because you do not appear to have not been reassured by all of the posts that have gone before.)

The thing is, lots of things can, and do, go wrong in pregnancy and child-birth. That's part and parcel of it I'm afraid. You need to toughen up a bit!

It is perfectly natural for you to feel worried about all sorts of things whilst your pregnant.

But your worrying won't in any way change, or improve, outcomes.

If you weren't obsessing worrying about the potential affects of alcohol, you would probably be worrying about something else.

Motherhood is one long worry actually. It never stops!

Hopefully your counsellor will teach you strategies for general anxiety management. You'll need them!

Are you a alcoholic, were you drinking two bottles of wine a day? From what you say it was a couple of binge drinking sessions not all day every day.

Everybody has told you to chill out and stop worrying about it.
Please do that or you are going to drive yourself insane xx

I started looking for stories from women who drank before they knew they were pregnant because I felt lost and wondered if terminating the pregnancy would be the appropriate choice. The doctor said essentially that he could not quantify the risk of the binge drinking (i.e. the night of 2 bottles of wine plus) because there are not sufficient studies. I just wanted to know more, even if it meant making myself vulnerable and asking strangers.

As I've been looking for true stories online, my husband and I have continued to discuss the pregnancy and the baby. He is very opposed to terminating the pregnancy unless there is a clear risk to the baby's future health and/or to my health. And I've started to "bond" with the baby-to-be at this point. I had a sonogram this week, and he/she is growing right on schedule, with a healthy heart rate.

I know this is not exactly scientific, but since "anonymous" bombed me with the story about her friend who drank until 8 weeks and had a baby with fetal alcohol syndrome, I am just wondering--

Has anyone ever heard of someone, anyone who drank (even heavily) until 4 weeks into a pregnancy and had a child with fetal alcohol syndrome or fetal alcohol effects?

I am not looking for a reason to be scared, but I have heard good stories from women who drank (a few who drank as much as I did) and were lucky. I am just trying to find out if anyone was not so lucky. My decision is made at this point, but I feel like I still need that last piece.

And yes, I have counselling on Monday. I suspect that I will be encouraged soon by the counsellor to stop posting messages online, as this may or may not be helpful in curtailing my anxiety. (There are times that I belive it is helping, though.)

The doctor can't tell you for certain that nothing will go wrong with your pregnancy - no doctor can tell any woman that nothing will go wrong with her pregnancy. It's just the way it is, there are no guarantees and if doctors went around making promises like that they would end up in a lot of trouble.

Drinking until four weeks pregnant and having a healthy baby is not just down to "luck" any more than not drinking at all and having a healthy baby is - the overwhelming odds are that baby will be fine in both situations. And drinking two bottles of wine once or twice is not a drinking problem, lots and lots of women habitually drink more than that, as has been testified to on this thread and the one before it.

I have never heard of anyone who drank until four weeks of pregnancy and then stopped, even alcoholics and seriously heavy drinkers, who went on to have a child with FAS. The person who messaged you probably made up the story to scare you in all likelihood, although even if she didn't, four weeks pregnant and eight weeks pregnant are very different stages.

Please, please try to stop worrying. By all means educate yourself, but you need to trust and accept the things you are reading, or what's the point? Continue with your counselling and be kind to yourself, your husband and your precious baby!

OP, my feeling is that if the anon messager really wanted to inform and help you he/she would have offered to answer any question etc. I think you can dismiss it as malicious.

I am against drinking in pregnancy but have never heard of of anyone drinking until 4 weeks who has had problems apart from feeling pretty rough! OP, most people have no idea until 4/5/6 weeks so just imagine what they all get up to! My sister was drinking brandy/champagne cocktails at my hen party and boy that was a boozy long weekend - puts your 2 bottles of wine in the shade. She found out later she was just over 5 weeks then and my nephew is tall, gorgeous and very very bright.

I would agree with your counsellor. Online chatting is fine if you're not basing a very important decision on the random musings of anonymous people.

tsmith- you're asking for a response to a question you have posed that can only be answered by the select few who you seek. so if you hear nothing - you still won't be reassured, you will still be seeking. Just step back and see your counsellor. bond with your baby, learn some strategies for anxiety management. No doctor can ever reassure anyone 100%, it would be unethical professionally to do so. You were given a textbook reply to a question of risk in pregnancy, the same reply would be given to everyone.

I drank more than you. Easily. Knowing that is not going to help you. To be frank, you are being ridiculous - it is your mind making this into a big issue when one doesn't really exist.

And anyway, is it better to 'risk' having a baby with a (perfectly treatable) cleft palette and possible FAS or to kill that baby? No brainer to me.

OP, you are looking for certainties which do not exist. I really do think that you need to step away from Internet chat.

If your decision is made, why do you need to know if there is anyone out in the world who drank before 4 weeks and had a baby impacted by it? If the answer is yes, what are you going to do?

You have been inundated with information about placental growth and shared blood supplies, but you are ignoring it all. Why, why do you seem so determined to self-sabotage? Why are you flagellating yourself like this?

You really need to hold onto the fact that there are no guarantees about anything in life, but the chances seem to be very, very high that everything is fine. Frankly, even if you were teetotal this would be the case. Just relax, and move on.

I have beene quite sick (physically) over the last week, which has probably made it that much more difficult for me to relax and move on. I am going back to the GP because this feels much more like flu (with no fever, thankfully).

I am going to have to stop chatting about this question of drinking before I knew I was pregnant, but I guess I just wanted to have a full supply of stories (good and bad, in some cases), to get me through the next few months.

To be perfectly frank, if I could have just one day when I felt like myself (my old self, before I knew I was pregnant), I think it would do me a world of good. But between the initial fear/anxiety and now being physically ill, I have not yet had that moment of "I feel 'normal,' I can handle this."

Feeling sick is a good sign of a healthy pregnancy!

All sounds well.

All the best tsmith.

Have you started your prenatal care yet? Taking folic acid etc etc. Your 12 week scan should be coming up soon? Hopefully that will make the pregnancy more real to you and you will be able to get a bit excited about it.

OP, I am a nurse. I have nursed many alcoholics. 2 bottles of wine and a beer is not heavy, heavy drinking. You are being too hard on yourself and stuck in negative thought patterns because of anxiety.

I had a spell of anxiety when I was doing my exams and your posts remind me of how I got fixated on a 'worry', to the point of obsession. I convinced myself I had HIV because I had had unprotected sex once on holiday a few years earlier.

I suppose yes it was possible but hugely unlikely. I trawled the internet for symptoms and convinced myself every niggle I had was a sign of HIV. I couldn't sleep, I went to the doctor several times with fear I had fungal infections.

You will be okay OP, you are just struggling with anxiety and obsessive thoughts. I remember wanting to find as many people I could who had had unprotected sex and were fine.

Sometimes this is linked to feelings of worthlessness or low self esteem. Do you think it was bad or wrong to drink two bottles of wine? You sound like you are punishing yourself. I did, for having unprotected sex, it's almost as if I thought I deserved punishment for such behaviour.

But we are all human. We drink too much, make mistakes. Two bottles of wine and a beer is not this awful heavy drinking or punishable behaviour you think it is. Most people can easily drink that on a merry night, relaxing, having fun.

I hope your anxiety eases OP, you sound a nice, caring person and you will be fine.

I wrote to another doctor asking for a second opinion. This doctor put my chances of the child having fetal alcohol syndrome from drinking during the first 4 to 4.5 weeks after the last cycle at 30%, based on my drinking habits (a glass or two of wine each day, with binge drinking on the weekend. The two bottles of wine in one night was the most I consumed at any one time though).

The doctor said that if I was drinking 12 drinks per day during the first 4 weeks, my chances of having a child with fetal alcohol syndrome would be 75%.

I feel like I am getting such conflicting information, which is what makes it hard to keep calm.

tsmith- your doctor is talking crass nonsense. I can say this as a medic and as I have done some research specifically into FAS. FAS is a spectrum, but there is no way any doctor would quantify that risk in such a way. That's just ridiculous.

sorry FASD is a spectrum disorder

I have to go now, but I want you to keep calm. I wish you all the best with your pregnancy.

If you choose to terminate, you need to be honest with yourself why you would do that. If you don't want this pregnancy, it's your body - go ahead. But if you want a baby then please do not. Can you imagine how much your mind would go over and over and over the issue of the termination, after the termination? your anxiety now tells me that this is a potential problem you would face - or in fact any woman in such a position faces - so you terminate a healthy pregnancy - how do you feel then? be honest with your reasons for termination.

I am no longer contemplating terminating the pregnancy, but I would appreciate a real, honest answer from a medical professional that I can trust. I feel like I cannot get the same answer from any doctor, which makes it all that much more difficult to relax.

But nobody can quantify the risk accurately. no doctor will tell you it will be fine- aa whole host of things could go wrong. It doesn't just depend on what you drink, but at what point in development this is, possiby other genetic factors too. Nobody can tap in 2 x wine to a calculator and give you a .005% risk, or whatever. It will take another decade to see more sigificant study results. But equally 30% and 75% is really just laughably wrong. The current thinking is the spectrum disorder occurs in around 1-3% of pregnancies.