Now I feel bad again! Advice from ladies who are TTC plse

[CareerGirl01]

We are supposed to be going to MIL and FIL's wedding anniversary party in the next few weeks. I will be around 36 weeks pregnant and we will have to drive for four hours to get there for lunch - then back home again. Thing is I am already sure i will feel self conscious about my bump and the attention it will attract - SIL is desperately trying for baby and has been for some time (she's nearly 40) and I don't want to rub her nose in it. Last night DH also told me he thought his parents had been hoping she'd get pregnant before me(!) as we already have a DD. that's made me feel even worse. I really wish I knew how SIL is feeling to know whether to go or not - as we will upset DH's parents. As I'm heavily pregnant I don't mind not going and is a good excuse IF as I suspect SIL is not feeling so great about me being pg. have posted about this situation before but DH's family are the kind who don't talk about anything so they are hard to approach. Are there any ladies out there TTC who can give me advice.

Sorry I can't offer any help, but maybe post this in the ttc section..... x

I'm not TTC-ing anymore, but one thing that did come to mind is that, once the baby is here, you won't be able to hide him/her away from your family. I would personally still go but steer away from baby talk, and if it does come up, talk positively about your SIL becoming an aunt to your child. The only way you could rub her face in it is if you babbled on and on about your plans etc.

I know it must be a hard situation and I can understand your MIL and FIL hoping she'd fall pregnant before your second, because they're obviously trying to protect your SIL's feelings - I wouldn't take that comment personally.

I hope this helps a bit!

To be honest I wouldn't (and didn't) drive 4 hours away at 36 weeks full stop - I missed MIL's birthday but she completely understood. It's a long way to be away from your base at 36 weeks.

The other question is whether you'd be more conspicuous by your absence or your presence? Quite a tough call.

I was ttcing for over two years and it was an absolutely awful time. Personally I was ok around pregnant friends but found the announcements really, really tough. So in your SiL shoes, I would not have been upset by you being there - I would have done my crying whenever you announced it. It is good that you are sensitive to her feelings though as this means that if you do go you are unlikely to say something that would upset her.

EuroShaggleton, is that you eurochick...here....in the PG section??

Shhh, I'm just, um, browing....

If you just wanted to duck out quietly without making an issue of it you could always say you've been having a lot of braxton hicks and are worried about being so far away from the hospital at the moment.

I don't think I'd want to travel 4 hours each way at 36 weeks. I can barely walk getting out of the car after an hour or so at 33 weeks.

With regard to not wanting to upset SIL, I agree with what Euro says about announcements (hello Euro!), and you being sensitive and aware of her feelings is great. I've had so many people banging on to me about how wonderful parenthood is, even when they know what I've been through - it beggars belief! The only time I found it particularly upsetting to be around pregnant people was if they were around the same stage I should've been after loosing pregnancies.

Seems along way to go for lunch at 36 weeks pg. However, I would probably go myself. Your in-laws will appreciate the effort and as others have said, your SIL has probably done her crying on hearing news that you are having another baby.

I've actually been on both sides of the fence. DS was an IVF baby and I'm 38wks pg again following a FET, so understand the pain of TTC and failing. Took us 4 years and 4 rounds if IVF to get DS. I don't forget the agony when others boasted of getting up the duff first month etc, and that I'm very, very lucky. SIL, on the other hand, TTC for years and was eventually diagnosed with premature ovarian failure and early menopause. She is v unlikely at 41 to ever have a biological child she desperately wants and (I don't know this for sure) believe that she has given up trying now. I was very conscious, in light of my own experience and pain of hearing baby news, not to upset her - she is lovely! - but the best way is just to carry on as normal and not pussy-foot around her. Be considerate, do not boast loudly about your ease in getting pregnant or talk constantly about your bump around her and you'll be fine.

Euro, I genuinely had a butterfly in the tummy when I saw your name, I would love to see you here.

I can't imagine what it must be like TTC-ing for years. I have hammed up my pregnancy nasties in front of her - so she's seen my morning sickness at its (almost) worst. But that's probably not made much difference if she feels bad. DH has said we have to go - but I'm going to keep a rain check on it - if only because with DD1 I felt like a right old lumbering lump by 35 weeks.

Rue sorry to mislead, I was being coy. I am the proud (disbelieving and very nervous) owner of a TFP*.

*Tiny Faint Positive.

I'd say, (as a long term TTC-Er who is now 31 weeks), don't moan about how tough it is to be pregnant. Also if you conceived easily, don't mention it!
When you're desperate for a baby, all you can think about is how grateful that pregnant person should be! I think you have to accept it is a bit awkward and will be hard for her. That's not your fault (or anyone's!) but a little sensitivity will go a long way in that scenario.

Oh Euro, every digit and limb I have is crossed for you! x

EURO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You've made my night. I'm so jeffing pleased for you. I may even have a little pregnant hormonal tear

Best news EVER. Well done.