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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Probably being silly - family's reaction to gender

24 replies

gertrudestein · 19/02/2013 13:41

We recently found out we're having a boy, which I'm really happy about! Although of course I wouldn't have minded either way (esp as this is our first one).

Only problem is the family reaction. My parents have told me they are 'desperate' for a granddaughter, and I have a one year old nephew who is the light of everyone's life. I told them all yesterday and they were nice but not over the moon (aagh, probably my hormones??)

I'm probably being over sensitive but I can't help feeling like our DS is going to be second best, and that my own parents are really disappointed. My brother and his wife are loaded so have a big house, big car, nice holidays, all the baby stuff in the word etc. We are quite skint, and won't be able to give our son any of that. Even tho I know it's not important, it still feels like he'll be the poor relation (literally!)

Please tell me I'm being silly and my family will love my son as much as my nephew?

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TwitchyTail · 19/02/2013 13:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hai1988 · 19/02/2013 14:00

Hi gertrudestein I know how you are feeling its not nice knowing that family will be disapointed about your DS.

I dont even know what im having yet and am already feeling the presure but apon me to have a girl.
I already have a DS 7.5 and everyone my parents, dh's parents and Siblings have all said that I need to have a girl and I do feel as if I do have another DS which btw I wouldnt mind at all, would be easier because DS can share a room and we already have a name set out for a boy (cant come to a mutual decsion for a girl name) and also i have lots of boy clothes to use as hand me down if it is indeed a boy.

Just try to ignore or the negative comments and look forward to the arrival of you little man, boys are great so just tell them to stick it

Blobby11 · 19/02/2013 14:14

You're not being silly at all.

When I had DS my Granny said "Oh well there's always next time". She is desperate for a great granddaughter as she has two great grandsons. I'm now pregnant again and she's said it has better be a girl as she deserves one!

I'm sure it's a boy

Original poster

gertrudestein · 19/02/2013 14:21

Thank you all so much! I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels a bit sensitive about it. I can't bear the thought that someone might not love my little boy just because of some things that happened before he was born.

congratulations to all of us on our little boys - here or arriving soon! I wouldn't mind either way of course, but I'm so excited to be having a boy and think it will be lots and lots of fun

OP posts:

Bue · 19/02/2013 14:22

My best friend went through this with her first baby last year. Her ILs already had two grandsons and she had... another boy. She could tell there wasn't the same level of excitement as if it had been a girl. But he is their grandchild - they will come to love him :)

Bue · 19/02/2013 14:23

I mean your parents will love your baby! Don't worry too much.

stowsettler · 19/02/2013 14:27

I sympathise, it's as if we can't win! I'm having a girl which will be my MIL's first granddaughter after 4 grandsons and 4 step-grandsons. The reaction I got was "Oh, I won't know what to do with a girl!"

Original poster

gertrudestein · 19/02/2013 14:33

Oh stowsetter, that's awful! What an insensitive thing to say.

I'm sure your MIL will adore your daughter, and she'll enjoy being the centre of all the male attention.

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Original poster

gertrudestein · 19/02/2013 14:35

Thanks Bue, I know you're right. I suppose it's hard to imagine what he'll be like and how he could possibly compete with my nephew who is in my totally biased objective opinion the most amazing baby in the world.

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DinglebertWangledack · 19/02/2013 14:37

We've had three female grandchildren in a row and am carrying the second male grandchild. I had all sorts of comments from people it didn't even concern saying "it had better be a boy"

I bit my tongue a few times to stop myself saying "or what? What are you going to do if it's not??"

Dogsmom · 19/02/2013 14:52

I was under pressure to have a girl too, there are 11 boys born in my family born to my generation (brother/cousins etc), everyone was very open about wanting it to be a girl.

Turns out she IS a girl, due in 3 weeks and I'm feeling already like she's being taken away from me, my Mum is calling her 'my baby' and 'our baby' and telling me all about how she's looking forward to spoiling her and taking her out on her own
I'm at the other end of the scale to you and it's just as annoying.

PandaWatch · 19/02/2013 14:55

I only have 1 niece (who is the oldest grandchild) and 6 nephews and have had "it better be a girl!" comments from my family. We don't know what we're having but it did upset me a bit. It's like they're already saying if we have a DS it will be a bit of a disappointment

curlyclaz13 · 19/02/2013 15:14

People are odd, we are having a boy, first grandchild on either side, both my and Oh's mum asked if we were dissapointed ! OH's mum then went on to say, I am glad you are having a boy because I wouldn't have seen a girl as much (?). Apparently as she had two boys and my mum had two girls my mum would be more involved with a girl so she wouldn't have seen her as much. ( no that is because you are an evil old bat and I don't trust you do respect our opinion on how to bring up our child). My mum 'won't know what to do with a boy'

DontmindifIdo · 19/02/2013 15:28

I feel your pain, I know my mum wants this DC to be a girl, in fact seems to be convinced it is, as I already have a DS. I don't know what im having (shy baby wouldn't show !) so I fear it's going to be a disappointment if it's another boy. Hopefully she'll not be too obvious about it.

CPtart · 19/02/2013 16:14

My mum always made no secret about wanting a grand-daughter, and still now having 3 gorgeous and healthy grandsons sighs "oh for a little girl!" She even went as far as to say she was "gutted" when SIL produced the third boy. Utterly utterly tactless and insensitive. I will never forget what she's said.

TwitchyTail · 19/02/2013 16:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ElliesWellies · 19/02/2013 16:32

You lot are obviously more polite than me. If my parents said something like that, they'd get extremely short shrift. As in sharp look and 'So you'll be disappointed in your grandchild if they are a boy/girl then?'. Sometimes people need to have it pointed out to them that they are being extremely rude and insensitive.

LittleWhiteWolf · 19/02/2013 16:34

I had both during my pregnancies. My mum and sister hoped I would have a girl and my MIL and SIL hoped I would have a boy. We didn't find out until the birth what we were having, but having now had a DD and then a DS both sets have had to concede that they were misguided in their gender preferences (because DH wouldn't let them get away without admitting that gender does not make the personality)

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

PipkinsPal · 19/02/2013 16:39

My sister's MIL wanted a boy. Our parents, not bothered but when my sister found out she was having a girl we were elated. One in the eye to MIL.

34PinkLadyApple · 19/02/2013 16:43

I am 8 weeks gone and told my parents last week. After the initial congrats my dad said 'can you have a girl please, I want a grand daughter and I'll be 75 next year so might not be around for your second'!

I mean, firstly, who mentioned a second child (probably will have 2, but still) and talk about pressure! It's like I'll spoil his dying wish or something if it's a boy!

onesmallstepforamum · 19/02/2013 18:33

My MIL is also desperate for me to 'produce' a girl. When DS was born she said that she'd 'put in an order for a girl next time'... Nice.

Am now 10 wks pg with DC2 and yesterday at a family gathering she announced to the assembled masses that 'we're hoping for a girl this time'.

She is entitled to her opinion of course, but i can't help but see it as an underhand way of saying that DS isn't good enough.

Creamtea1 · 19/02/2013 19:02

Totally sympathise with all of you. Whilst on holiday in the summer (way before being preg with dc3, am 12 weeks now) my own mother announced to a random waiter in a restaurant 'we only want another one (ie grandchild) if it's a girl'
I have 2 ds already, both of which were sat opposite her at the time.
Cue a couple of weeks ago when we told them I was preg, and quite firmly said we would not be finding out what we were having. She said something about it not being important - so I repeated what was said on holiday! She then flatly denied saying it until DH and my dad backed me up and said yes, you did say that.
Then she tried to back track and say 'but I didn't mean it'..
I know this isn't true as have overheard her lots of times at weddings, christenings etc telling anyone who will listen 'I want a pink one next time'

Original poster

gertrudestein · 19/02/2013 19:06

Blimey, people are strange aren't they?! Am mildly relieved It's not just my family, but also horrified that this kind of behaviour seems so common. I feel like my DS is a disappointment before he's even born. Made myself feel slightly better today by saying to my mum, 'We were hoping for a puppy but we've reconciled ourselves to having a human baby.'

OP posts:

phoenixrose314 · 19/02/2013 19:51

Feel the same. Posted on here not long ago about my own gender issues, have realised since then that both MILanf worse, my own mum, have really not helped me overcome those issues. MIL told me I needed to have a girl because she's surrounded by boys (her eighth grandchild, six boys and two girls so far), and my mum has been adamant its a girl from the start and calls baby 'her' and 'she', and looks almost exclusively at the pink stuff in shops.

It's actually made me feel awful inside... This is a miracle baby for me and hubby, frankly I'd still be thrilled if it came out with three heads and tentacles!! But family's reaction makes me feel so pressured to have this precious girl.

I almost want it to be a boy so I can tell them all to fuck off!! (Heh, pregnancy rage kicking in ) x

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