how to bond with your bump after a mmc

[holidaysdistantmemory]

I had a mmc last year discovered at my 12 scan, which knocked me sideways.

I am now 14 weeks pregnant with twins.

Despite having had two successful pregnancies and births, I am finding it really hard to get excited about this pregnancy after what happened last year. I expect that its a self protection thing. I haven't announced the pregnancy yet (told everyone on the day of my 12 week scan with NT first two dcs), and can't get excited or start imagine them as little humans, thinking abour birth or names and the usual things expectant mums think about.

Any wise words of wisdom out there?

Not sure how 'NT' popped in to that sentence whoops

Many congratulations.

Not sure I can help much as would love to know when I'm going to finally think that there might be a baby at the end of this pregnancy too.

Currently 30/40. Have always been really careful and slightly hippified in previous pregnancies, but have not bothered booking this one in til late, eaten all sorts of no-no food, not done any pilates, relaxation/visualisation or hypnobirthing prep and not bought a single thing for the baby that may arrive soon.

Have also not told close family or friends as they were beyond useless after I lost my daughter in the summer. Work colleagues know, but it would be pretty hard to pretend otherwise as am in full ship-setting-sale whale-sized human mode. Am still seeing the counsellor they referred me to and she says this is perfectly normal and many women feel similarly right up until they hand the baby (or in your case babies) over.

typotastic - sail (obv)

Thank you Hels, I am really sorry to hear about your daughter.

Am pretty huge already, despite it being early days, so possibly when I am outed I may get carried along with the squeals of 'twins, 4 kids'... After losing a baby, I truly do appreciate my good fortune now, but just need to get over this mind set

Op, I completely understand how you feel. I'm currently 18 weeks with first baby and can't seem to bond. I too had a mmc last summer and have a fear of it happening again. An hour after having a positive can at 12 weeks where I saw bubba and heartbeat, I was convinced that I had imagined it and baby had passed again. Am trying to hold on to the next milestone...20 week scan and it's been a horrible wait so far. I don't think this feeling and inability to bond will go to be honest until I hold a healthy baby in my arms as sad as that may be...feel like I'm missing out on experiencing and enjoying my pregnancy because of the constant fear.

Just wanted you to know you're not alone on feeling this. Here's hoping all of our babies will be ok this time. Hugs x

Congratulations on your twins! I don't have any good answers, but like the others can empathise. After a long time trying, we had a mmc last year discovered at the 12 week scan, after hearing the heartbeat earlier on... it was just so hard, and so when we found we were pregnant 2 cycles later I was more scared than excited. I really didn't want to tell anyone, and up until almost 20 weeks, I resented anyone who wanted to talk about my baby and hated it when excited family members gave us presents, because for some reason I had such a strong mental image of myself sitting in the middle of the nursery-room-to-be, surrounded by toys and newborn clothes, but longer pregnant. Poor DH was thrilled by the news and absolutely baffled.

The best thing for me was starting to feel kicks and see my stomach really pop and finally feel like a baby was growing and would one day become our child... Also, we found out the gender at the 20 week scan, which I think helped both of us to connect a little more to our baby as a real and separate person.

So I don't have any easy solution tips, but maybe be give yourself some time to adjust, speak to your partner openly (I definitely didn't do this enough), and be kind to yourself in the meantime, as a mc is a big thing, having twins is a big thing, looking after your 2 DCs is a big thing and you're probably dealing much better than you give yourself credit for.

I'm not sure you even really need to 'bond' with unborn children. I feel protective of my bump and am looking forward to meeting my baby but I don't talk to it. I had a mmc last year and with that pregnancy didn't allow myself to get excited at all - I was still devastated when it ended.

It just seems very abstract and unreal even though I'm now 37 weeks and enormous!

Give yourself time. It's early days yet. When you start feeling them move, and maybe after your 20 week scan you may feel secure enough to start getting excited.

All I can advise is to voice your feelings and fears to someone (family, friends , professionals).

Also try and remember that your fears and concerns are totally understandable, and try not to be hard on yourself.

As my name suggests (SB/mc), I have been there and at 28 tomorrow have finally allowed myself to buy some essentials.

Congratulations and good luck x

28 weeks, I mean. I wish I was still 28 years old!

Thank you everyone, reassuring to have some virtual support and kind words out there. Good luck to all of us x

Thank you everyone, reassuring to have some virtual support and kind words out there. Good luck to all of us x