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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

why do i feel this way

20 replies

FeelSoBad · 27/04/2006 14:16

this is a long one and ive changed my name as i feel quite bad about this, so please dont think im a troll.

Ds is just 12 months and he was concieved by IVF, i love him very much and he is my world, the thing is ive just found out that im pregnant, concieved naturally and a total shoch and i dont know how i feel about this(sorry if im offending anyone) i feel like once this baby is born i will no longer be able to spend the precius time that i do with my ds and i worry about being able to love the babay as much as i do ds. I cant understand my own feelings about this but i worry about whether i will cope with 2 children under 2, i worry about the birth as my last was horrendous and everytime i think about it i cry, sorry if im boring anyone with this, i just wondered if anyone else feels or felt the same

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Original poster

FeelSoBad · 27/04/2006 14:17

that should be shock and precious lol sorry for the crap spellings ds was distracting me lol

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Angeliz · 27/04/2006 14:20

FeelsoBad, dd 2 was planned, dd1 was 3 at the time and i felt exactly like this too.
My main worry was that i would lose my special relationship with dd1 and that i wouldn't love the baby as much.
Although your situation is different, i think these are natural concerns.
My 2 dd's are 5 and 1 now and adore each other. I love baby 2 just as much and the love they share together just fills me with pride and joy.
I'm pregant with third too so that will be a shoet age gap but it was going from 1 to 2 that was hard.

Congratualtions btw+

HappyMumof2 · 27/04/2006 14:20

how many weeks are you?

FrayedKnot · 27/04/2006 14:24

Sorry that you are unhappy FSB.

I think the feelings you are having are probably quite normal for someone who falls pg again quite soon and possibly unplanned after teh birth of their first child. But the IVF bit complicates it.

Would it be possible for you to see your clinic counsellor? It's obviously a while since you had treatment but I would have thought they would still let you have access? Might be worth a call.

Original poster

FeelSoBad · 27/04/2006 14:26

Thanks for replying, im only 6 weeks at the moment so its early days, i just have all these concerns in my head and feel shit about them, i love my ds so much and like you feel that when the new baby comes along he will be pushed out and i will have no time for him, we have such special times together and it scares me that these wont happen anymore

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Original poster

FeelSoBad · 27/04/2006 14:28

FK i no longer live near my clinic as moved 300 miles when ds was 8 weeks old, i think its most probably the shock as i really didnt think that i could concieve naturally and it was the furthest thing from my mind, im very happy with my life and dont want it to change, although i know its going to

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HappyMumof2 · 27/04/2006 14:29

I felt a lot like this when pregnant with dd. Ds was 4yrs 4mths when dd was born and I still spent most of my pregnancy tearful and worried about how it would effect ds.
How does your dh/dp feel?

Original poster

FeelSoBad · 27/04/2006 14:31

Hes over the moon about it, he thinks nothing will change and it will be great, when we are chatting about it together i do agree with him, its when im on my own that these thoughts and feelings surface again and everytime i think about it i cry, obviously the hormones lol

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Rhubarb · 27/04/2006 14:32

You might be suffering from ante-natal depression. I've got a site about it \link{http://www.unplannedpregnancies.co.uk\here}, please visit it and I hope it helps. Tell your GP and midwife how you feel. Don't beat yourself up about this, I can understand exactly why you feel the way you do and I'm sure many other mums have felt this way too, it's just one of those things no-one admits to. Take care.

Original poster

FeelSoBad · 27/04/2006 14:35

T o be honest Rhubarb i dont think its AND as i have been absolutly fine all these months my life has been happy , i think its just all about the pregnancy and my worries about this.

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HappyMumof2 · 27/04/2006 14:39

I don't think it's that. It's too early I would have thought.

It's normal to have worries and be un sure, doesn't mean you are depressed.

I was fine in the beginning of my pregnancy, when it was just me and ds. My ex coming back into my life made things worse. The middle weeks, eg, 20-30 weeks were the worst for me. He was trying to be supportive but it completely overwhelmed me. After 30 weeks, back on my own with ds I was a lot better.

I know that's irelevant to your situation, but just to say that it is possibe to have doubts and not be too happy about things and for it to work out wonderfully!

Just give yourself time to get your head around it. It will be tough with 2 under 2. Do you have support? childcare for your ds?

Original poster

FeelSoBad · 27/04/2006 14:42

Well my ds has never spent anytime without me or dp but i have been thinking about maybe putting him in a nursery for a couple of afternoons a week nearer the time, but then i feel guilty about that also :(

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Angeliz · 27/04/2006 14:42

Why do you want to do it then?
I mean why are you thinking of putting him in nursery?

HappyMumof2 · 27/04/2006 14:44

probably so she has some time with the baby and her ds gets some outside stimulation!

Original poster

FeelSoBad · 27/04/2006 14:49

Thats it exactly, i dont want him to feel pushed out when i am dealing with the new baby, im happy that i have been able to concieve naturally i just wish it was a little bit later as i feel like i will be losing out on precious time with ds, its probably the shock and im being irrational thinking about whay could happen in a bad way rather than what will be great in the long run

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Angeliz · 27/04/2006 14:53

It's very hard as you're so early on and obviously very strange circumastances when it came as such a suprize.
I do think though that you are seeing all the negatives. Think of the very posistive fact that you are giving your Son a sibling. A freind for life and someone to always lean on. They'll adore each other i bet.
I have nothing agianst Nurseries i just think you will upset yourself moree thinking like that now. ++

HunKeRMunKeR · 27/04/2006 14:55

FSB, I got pg when DS1 was a year old exactly - I have 21m between my two boys (DS1 was two at the beginning of April, DS2 is 14wo now). DS1 was also conceived after treatment (not IVF, but Clomid - was told I'd never have children when I was 22, eventually had DS1 when I was 28).

I fell pg naturally with DS2 - it was a bit of a surprise, although we'd been planning to have a small gap if possible - I didn't know I could get pg naturally, so although we "planned" it, it was still a surprise - but a nice one iyswim?

What you might be forgetting in your concern for your DS1 and not spending time with him is that he will soon have a little brother or sister - watching DS1 stroke, pat and kiss DS2 is incredible - he loves him so much and DS2 already gazes at his big brother with a huge grin on his face.

I won't lie to you - I have found it tough, and for a while the bad days outnumbered the good, but in the last couple of weeks, the balance has shifted and it's getting easier. Having a 2yo and a baby is one of the hardest most rewarding happiest things I've ever done and I'd not change it for anything.

I had a really hard pg this time round, with diabetes and working 4 days a week and worrying about DS2 being breech and I had one horrible night when I was about 26 weeks pg where I sobbed and sobbed and sobbed - but after I was diagnosed with GD all went well and his birth was easier than DS1's. I was posting on here 2.5 hours before he was born!

If you want to email me, please feel free - hunkermunker at gmail dot com - I don't know if I'll be any help, but I do have some idea of what you're going through x x x

(Oh, and the loving another baby thing? IME you love the baby as much as your older one - and you see your older one in new and fascinating ways - they're a big brother now and it's fab to watch!)

Original poster

FeelSoBad · 27/04/2006 15:03

Thank you all for taking the time out to post on this, hm im in tears after reading your post lol, its the hormones again, you have all made me realise that it will be good and after reading your post hm i do see what good things this will bring as i will be in exactly the same position that you were in, i do have a very supportive dp who i know will help when hes not at work (which is most of the time), thank you all as you have made me realise that it will be a good thing for ds too and im sure he'll love being a big brother once hes a little older :)

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Original poster

FeelSoBad · 27/04/2006 15:04

Also thanks for your email add HM, i will most definatly take you up on that soon , thanks again

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HunKeRMunKeR · 27/04/2006 15:06

You're looking at him as a 1yo (obv, because that's what he is!) - but he'll be a different child when the baby's born.

I used to ask DS1 where "our baby" was - he'd point to my tummy and lean in to kiss it - he's besotted with DS2. I promise you, it'll be tough and worth it. I'd not swap my life now for life with just DS1 (fab though that was!).

Do email if you want to - I'm always around x x x

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