I'm in shock

[Notwhatiwasexpecting]

Hi, me and my boyfriend have been together for 10 years, he has never wanted children and I wasn't bothered either way. But recently I've been Ill and my contraceptive pill hasn't worked, hence....I am pregnant. Obviously this has come as a shock to us both, My boyfriend can't face a baby, but I can't face a termination. I worry if we have a baby it changes our life too much which will result in us splitting up. Please give advice, as we can't discuss this with family.

Noticed that you didn't have any replies yet and didn't want you to feel alone. You don't mention your age and while a ten year relationship implies being over a certain age who knows you may have met him when you were 13!

Do you know why he feels he can't face a baby? I'm sure he's reasonable enough to understand that going through a termination you don't want for his sake would change things between you in a way that having the baby wouldn't necessarily change things. No contraception is 100% even when taken or used properly and in a ten year relationship it's not unreasonable to assume that accidents might happen.

I'm sorry you're facing this decision and I understand myself how hard it is, there are people you can speak to, your GP or local sexual health service can probably refer you on. Nobody will pressure you to do anything you don't want to do and there is so much support out there.

Hope it all works out for you.

If you have a termination you don't want (and it sounds as if you don't) in order to save your relationship, I fear your relationship will be doomed anyway, tbh. Something like this will be impossible to get past.

You need to talk this through with someone - there is counselling available from family planning services (? - hopefully someone more knowledgeable will come along and confirm) with no pressure put on you to decide either way.

Good luck.

Don't have a termination if you don't want to! Just don't. You'll never get over it. Maybe your partner is in shock and not thinking straight about how a baby could enrich both of your lives. Take care, this can't be easy x