Colleague mc, i am 15w...what can i do to reach out?

[marimama]

Another teacher at work has just lost her baby at nearly 6 months. I don't work directly with her or know her well personally, but often see her around school. I am so sorry for her. I would like to send a note or leave flowers or something (she lives close to my house), but I am not sure what to say/do. Especially because I am 15w pregnant myself. I know when she comes back to work she will notice i am pregnant, and besides just wanting her to feel as supported as posdible at school, i feel some gesture from me might be nice as (if all continues to go well with my own pregnancy) i imagine it might not be easy to see my belly. I've not experienced loss myself, but i think that's how i might feel...

Thoughts about what might be kind and helpful?

Thanks in advance!

As someone who has lost a baby I prefer that pregnant people are not weird around me, although it sometimes really hurts. I suggest sending her a card - trust me, she will appreciate it. Send her the card saying that you're very sorry and then later on tell her that you're pregnant before she comes back to work so she's not met with that on her first day back without being prepared. One thing, if she was 6 months it was a stillbirth or premature birth, not a miscarriage. Congratulations on your own pregnancy.

I think leaving flowers is a nice idea, mainly because the card is small so you only need to write "I'm so sorry, you are in my thoughts" which is all you can say really. I wouldn't agonize over something profound to write, it's so heartbreaking there is just nothing you can say of any worth. But acknowledging it is a kind thing to do. Poor woman. You sound very thoughtful. It is upsetting to hear things like this then you're pregnant.

I agree with lost. I've m/c 4 babies, and would have been happy with a card and/or flowers saying how sorry you were to hear of my sad news. I wouldn't have coped well with 'btw I'm pregnant' TBH. Get someone else to tell her before she returns.

You sound a nice and caring person. She will, if she is a reasonable sort, accept that you can't expect no one else around you to have a baby just because you've lost one.

Hi. I think a card is good, even if you leave flowers because she will probably have a memory box and will keep the cards. You don't have to write a long note but a hand written message is nice just saying that you're so sorry to hear her sad news and that you're thinking of everybody.

Thanks for suggestions so far. I think I will leave a lovely plant on her doorstep today with a very short note as suggested.

I appreciate advice to let her know via someone else about my own pregnancy. Much better. I will speak to someone in her department--i have just barely told my iwn department about my pregnancy so far!

expatAI you are absolutely right (and right to point it out) and i am wrong on how to describe her loss. I was trying to be concise in topic, but i think it's important to be clear about what it means for her to have lost baby at this stage.

I wasn't trying to be pedantic OP, but it can be a sensitive thing. It might reassure you to know that although it hurt to see a pregnant belly in the early days I was never jealous. I only wanted my baby. If anything I'm extremely relieved when someone I know has a successful pregnancy. Congrats again.