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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Comments that reinforced you knew NOTHING about babies before giving birth...

18 replies

weeblueberry · 04/02/2013 11:24

So DP and I were in a coffee shop yesterday and everyone seemed to be pregnant/with babies. We we were cooing (from a distance!) at a little baby in a highchair who was busy playing around etc.

I said in passing about the baby looking like it was three months or so and DP looked at me as though I had two heads and said 'um it's supporting it's head, sitting on it's bum, in a basic highchair and feeding itself solids - it must be at least 6 months'. So yeah I felt a bit . It's made me realise I have absolutely no idea when babies are meant to do certain things. I'm only 6 months so still have time to learn but I've spent so much time learning about pregnancy and have barely given any thought to what stages the baby will do things at. DP also said about a week ago that lots of babies don't need a night feed after about 3 months - NEWS TO ME! I honestly don't know how he knows these things but as someone who doesn't have a lot of friends with babies (lots of his colleagues have kids) I have no clue about any of these things.

I need to do some serious research don't I?

OP posts:

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MJP1 · 04/02/2013 11:29

Hi weeblueberry I am due in a week with my first and to be honest Im going to wing it, I know about toddlers (have worked in a Nursery in the toddler room) but babies im not so sure, I am sure common sense prevails??)
I have read tons of books but its all abit of a blur now, to be honest am not going to worry think there's lots of support and advice out there. And there is always mumsnet. We'll take 1 day at a time I think.

Good luck

melliebobs · 04/02/2013 11:32

Think your dp is in for a treat when 8.5 months down the line your dd/ds is up THREE times a night for a feed! Even when they are in solids!

But seriously there's no normal and you pick it up as you go along. For me I haven't read any manuals and just gone with the flow. I have an 11 month dd who's defying all development in terms of crawling/walking/moving but is happy as larry!!!!

Missingthemincepies · 04/02/2013 11:37

If you don't want to wing it try first time parent and week by week. Both great easy to read books that don't tell you how to raise your child, just what to expect.
It's the steepest learning curve of your life, but it's amazing.

noblegiraffe · 04/02/2013 11:44

Lots of babies not needing a night feed at 3 months is also news to me and I've had one! I think that would be very unusual rather than the norm.

Google is your friend, I knew nothing about babies either when mine was born. I spent a lot of time on the Internet looking up 'is this normal' and managed to muddle through just fine.

lightrain · 04/02/2013 11:50

Honestly, don't worry about it. Might even be better not to know milestones, then you don't get competitive or anxious when not reached! All babies are different. My DS never rolled over but is now a very energetic 2 year old, perfect in every way :)

Plus, you forget it all anyway! I'm expecting again and can't remember what's what! I'm definatley going to wing it this time. They do things at their own pace.

LazyMachine · 04/02/2013 11:53

There's a very interesting book called The Wonder Weeks that explains the developmental stages (& fussy phases) of a baby's first 20 months. Great reading - no gimmicks, no GF-esque rules, just good practical information from a highly reputable long-term study.

LazyMachine · 04/02/2013 11:58

Good point LightTrain.

I should note that The Wonder Weeks isn't about milestones (& finding out whether your baby is or isn't fitting into some sort of formulaic timeline), but rather an informative look at the mental and physiological stages that all babies go through, albeit in their own individual ways.

sleepyhead · 04/02/2013 12:00

It doesn't matter what you know or don't know in advance, because the magic thing about human development is that with love and attention they just mostly do the developing all by themselves!

You don't have to teach your baby to sit up or roll or crawl or walk or smile or laugh or babble or talk - given the opportunity (ie not left lying on their backs in a box all day with no human interaction) - they learn in their own sweet time.

There's also not much convincing (to me) evidence that what you do much affects the way they eat and sleep either, so you might as well go with the flow and do whatever feels right and makes things easiest for you there too.

Throw away the baby books and just enjoy the baby is going to be my mantra (this time around).

You don't need to know in advance what a 6 month old baby looks like. You'll know when yours is 6 months old

TheTiger · 04/02/2013 12:02

I wish someone would tell my 3.5 month old DS that he doesn't need a night feed or three

OP, don't think about milestones and when 'most babies' do things or you will drive yourself mad comparing your baby and wondering if they are delayed. All babies are different, and do what they want when they want!

BerthaTheBogCleaner · 04/02/2013 12:04

I do remember one day when dd was about one, looking at her and thinking "Aah! I've got a child!". I'd spend so long wanting a baby, imagining myself with a baby, and then enjoying my baby - I'd never really stopped to think about life with children. (It's good though, I like it ).

www.mumsnet.com/babies - all you need to know.

It is true, some babies sleep through at 3 months. Some are still struggling at 3 years, too.

Original poster

weeblueberry · 04/02/2013 12:07

Thank you everyone. It does make me feel a lot better to find out there are a lot of people out there winging it like I'd planned to do.

OP posts:

DrRanj · 04/02/2013 12:08

Sometimes I think it's better to come from the angle of knowing you know nothing. I had done lots if babysitting and had lots of babies in the family so thought I knew it all, but nothing prepares you for what it's really like having your own 24/7! I think you just have to go with the flow and find what works for you, books and manuals are too dogmatic and confusing!

Just come on mn when you have specific issues and you will get a spectrum of responses, so a more balanced view overall.

And sorry to break it to your dp, but there is no magic time when they start sleeping through without feeds, and I can't remember when my dd did, but it was certainly later than 3 months!

NotSoNervous · 04/02/2013 12:14

I have a 15w DD and I wing it abit, there's so many thins you don't think about until your in that situation so I wouldn't worry

MewlingQuim · 04/02/2013 12:15

Ha, your DH may be in for some surprises OP! My DD held her head up from birth, was waking 6 times a night at 10 months and still cannot sit unsupported at 11 months.

They are all individual and you may find yourself better off if you don't have too many expectations, so read the books by all means but don't stress about it. I think we all found out we knew fuck all the day our babies were born!

milkyjo · 04/02/2013 13:47

When your baby is born you will get a 'Birth to Five' book from your Health Visitor - it is an NHS publication and it has some useful milestones and advice. It doesn't go into great depth and is handy for quick reference. I found it particularly useful during the first year as so much changes. I work with babies and children and thought I knew everything - I was quite blase about it all. So when DS arrived I got taken down a peg or two!

rrreow · 04/02/2013 14:24

To be honest even if you have gone through it you forget so quickly. Your DP is of course right about the head supporting and eating, but still, babies do stuff at such varying ages (crawling, walking etc). My DS is 21 months and if you showed me any kids under 18 months I probably would be really bad at guessing their age.

LazyMachine · 04/02/2013 14:31

But everyone 'wings' it, really, don't we? Because each baby, each parent and each family is completely unique. I think people's interest in reading about childhood development (NOT how-to books, sorry, Gina) probably depends on their interest in reading and research in general.

But no one is going to learn how to be a parent through reading a book!

Verekerlady · 04/02/2013 15:04

It's amazing what you discover you know when you're in the thick if it (baby up for the 6th time and you're still sweetly singing lullabies in the vain hope it might stop crying!) I agree what people have said that all babies are different and remember you'll approach things differently to other people too. I didn't read any books as my mum pointed out that the baby doesn't know what page you're on!

I thought I was going to just stop BF at 6 months and that would be that....I eventually stopped BF when DD was just over a year. You never know what it's going to be like until you're there, so just go with the flow :)

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