unwelcome pregnancy advice

[charlottearianwen]

I'm 5 weeks pregnant and my hubby let the cat out of the bag. now all i seem to be getting is advice that quite frankly is making me feel very stressed. such as

1. the birth is the most awful thing on this earth
2. im going to struggle because i go to bed at 9 (i get up very early!)
3. i will never sleep again
4. babies dont stop crying, i will find it hard to breastfeed and will get depressed
5. im having twins

im sure lots of new mums find it painful and hard but to treat me as if i cannot cope and fill me full of dread is cruel. esp as i have lost a baby before.

Let me assure you the birth can be the most amazing thing you ever do, even if it isn't the outcome will be. I go to bed with my 6 week old about 8/9pm, yes she wakes up a couple of times in the night but past the first couple of weeks sleep gets better. When people try and give you scare tactics just politely say I'm not interested in hearing horror stories I'm focusing on the positive thanks then change the subject. Congratulations

thank you hun. i dont understand peoples motives. why cant they just keep their nose out. the newest revelation is that i need to get rid of my dogs. billions of families have a pet dog!

Ah, this is bringing back wonderful memories. When I was pregnant with ds1, everyone had something to say- even people who hadnt got kids, which I found really infuriating.
I switched jobs after ds1, and the place that I work now has never had a woman work there & fall pregnant...I'm now repeating the whole game again. 'are there twins in there?' 'have you got any cravings?' etc.
Unfortunately it's just a part of pregnancy that no one forewarns you about- everyone wants to be involved to a certain extent. Wait til you start showing and then strangers (old ladies in shops and check out girls) start too.
It'll irritate you to start but you'll get used to it And in fairness, as irritating as it may be, it is a constant reminder that you have this little baby growing inside you, and that people care . Grit your teeth for now, I promise it gets easier x

Call it practice - once baby arrives people will then start telling you how to raise him/her. Learn now to listen politely, use the bits you agree with and ignore the rest...

1. Birth is magical! While not the easiest thing ive done I can't say it was too bad either. Absolutely wonderful experience. Treasure it! Ignore them!

2&3. Why would you struggle just cos u go to bed early abdvgetvup early? If u start to struggle to get to sleep you'd struggle at any time - just normal in pregnancy. As for never sleeping again? Sure you will, it will just be a different pattern than you're used to. E.g I get a nice catch up nap in a weekend while DH takes ds for a couple of hours. I co sleep atm so it's nice to go to bed alone and stretch out - that's what works for us, you'll find what works for you. Ignore them!

1. Babies don't stop crying? Well, some do some dont (nine doesn't, lol). Again. It isn't forever and no one can possibly know what yours will be like til they arrive - and then you will know your own child better than anyone else. BF will be hard? It may be difficult to get going, u may find it a walk in the park - either is fine, you'll get there! Ignore them!

1. You're having twins? Everyone was adamant I was having twins just cos I had IVF. So frustrating! Ignore them!

Master the IGNORE THEM skill now and keep it up once baby arrives. It's amazed me how many people (some with no kids) are now the experts on my child when in all honesty if I added up how much time they've spent with him it would amount to mere hours compared to my full time (since conception no less) role.

Oh did I say - IGNORE THEM IGNORE THEM IGNORE THEM!

I'm nearly 31 weeks now and trust me it will keep coming - even from complete strangers you have never met! As many of the other MNs have suggested just ignore it and concentrate on enjoying your pregnancy because it goes soooo fast! Also, the more fearful you let others be about childbirth the harder it will be to get your head around anything remotely positive and being fearful is going to be really counter productive. Many congratulations on your pregnancy xx

this annoys me too!
when people say " ohhh I had such a nightmare labour or such and such really suffered" I just say " really??? I thought if I just coughed the baby just pops out"!!! do people actually think that telling you horror stories will help??
sleep? well I know my fabulous husband and very supportive family will help me with this but after waiting 5 years for this baby I would gladly go without sleep.

when people start with THEIR stories, I tell them thanks but no thanks..... I know its gonna smart a bit but the end result will be worth it.

good luck and enjoy every second! xx

Ignore them, In particular ignore the birth horror stories that people seem to spout as soon as they see your bump or find out you are expecting. Everyone is different and birth can be the most beautiful, amazing experience and might not hurt that bad as everyone is different (mine was a water birth and comparable with bad period pain, but then again I used to get terrible period pain before the pill!) I had a second degree tear but to be honest, when I looked into my baby's eyes for the first time I didn't give a damn :-) and again, didn't hurt as bad as I had been led to beleive.

I read Ina May Gaskin when I was pregnant and found the positive birth stories really inspirational, and did Daisy birthing classes (weekly yoga/stretches and some breathing stuff) which also really helped -basic stuff like if you relax and breath your body will open easier, if you tense it will hurt more... Sounds obvious when someone says it!

Enjoy it! I adore my 6 week old but I also miss being pregnant. Take loads of bump photos(I kept forgetting) , enjoy every special moment and good luck :-)

"Ah well, we'll see how it goes" then change subject. Can't tell you how much I (and DH) have used that lately!!

Lots of women seem to love telling first time expecting mums their horror stories and how hard it's all going to be. I'm sure they didn't appreciate it when they were pregnant so why they think I would is beyond me! I really hope I don't do the same a few years down the line!

People only ever tell you the bad bits, no idea why but take it all with a hefty pinch of salt :)

Childbirth for me, yes it hurt, but it was hurting with a purpose, hurting that you knew wasn't forever, would stop, was for a reason. The actual moment that my first baby slipped out felt just wonderful :)

Just smile, nod (pretending to listen while not really listening) and ignore...

Childbirth can be an amazing empowering experience - and however the childbirth goes having your lovely snuggly little baby to hold at th eend of it is entirely worth it.