42, a grandmother and 15 weeks pregnant!!! can't stop crying.

[rosiedays]

Hi, not sure how these things work but i really need some support! i'm 42 with 2 grown up girls and a 1 year old grand daughter.
Just before xmas i found out i was pregnant, a BIG suprise and not somthing i had planned. (4 years ago i was told i would need IVF to get pregnant!!)
My husband is very happy and i'm pretending to my husband that i'm happy too but when i'm on my own (which is All DAY as my new job terminated my employment during my probation which i believe was due to my pregnancy although i cant prove it.) I just cry and cry. i feel awful,
I have a good relationship with my husband he's 13 years yonger than me, we met when i was working overseas and he came here last year (indefinate leave to enter)
I had my first baby at 17 (25 years ago) and spent my 20's and 30's bringing up children. i really enjoyed bringing my girls up (as a single mum) but the thought of doing it again scares the life out of me. i just don't know how i will cope. it's not how i planned to spend my 40's and 50's.
as i'm not working now money is going to be tight and we need to move as where we are now is not suitable for a baby.
I've told my girls, they have excepted the situation but are not exactly happy! my oldest got married last year and was planning to start a family soon, now she feels she can't. I havn't told my parents yet. I know They will disaprove.
I've had thryoid problms (underactive) for 15 years and am struggeling to maintain my levels which makes me really worried that the baby will have learning dificulties.
we moved to a new city in october and i don't know anyone here. I'm so lonely and board! 2 things i've never felt befor.
I decided to start swimming every day, starting today, to get me out of the house a bit and maybe meet new people. this morning i started being sick at 2am and haven't held anything down since, (plus i wee myself every time i throw up!!!)
Is this all just hormones?? i'm usually a strong competent sucsessful woman right now i feel like a basket case

Yes, it is partly hormones - the first trimester is quite tough.

Firstly, do YOU want this baby? Forget about your DDs, your husband and your parents for a minute, this is your pregnancy, your body and ultimately your decision.

Your under active thyroid doesn't need to be an issue and will not cause learning difficulties if properly managed. Book an appointment with your GP and ask for a referral to an endocrinologist, blood tests to check your TSH level, and for your thyroxine dose to be increased in the meantime.

A baby is actually a great way to meet people and make friends. My mum moved abroad for a year when I was 6 months old, and I was a life line for her as she met lots of people at mum and baby groups and felt integrated into the community very quickly.

Good luck

Have you checked out your local section on MN? There might be a meet up planned or an activity that you could do.

Did you want a baby 4 years ago ? have things changed from then ?

To be honest it sounds as if you are still in shock from all this. Yes, a lot of this is down to hormones but most of the issues you list as problems can be overcome.

42 is not too old by any means.

take care x

Argee with worsestershiresauce - once you have the baby you will meet loads of people. If you get involved with NCT or similar before hand, you will meet mums-to-be too, and I'll bet there will be several not far off your age, or perhaps even older.

My best friend had a DD by a second marriage at 45 years old, and had two DDs in late teens at the time. She says it's much easier when you're older, as you're much more relaxed about life. She was the oldest mum in the playground, but only by a couple of years, not by much. Late babies keep you young too.

My cousin also had a baby in early 40s, and a second at about 45. They were her first though - but they're all very happy.

I'm sure you'll be fine. I hope your grown up DDs become more used to the idea soon - I'm sure they will. Don't see why you being pregnant should stop them being pregnant at the same time though.

I wouldn't worry about your parents - once they see the actual baby, I'm sure they will love it as much as their other grand-children.

Lucky baby to have so many doting adults to love it.

I think you need to be thinking about whether you want the baby and if you are letting the fact that you are now a Grandma cloud issues.

Did you want a baby before you became a Granny?

Hi Rosie congratulations I'm sorry you are having an emotional time of it. I had my second DS at 42 so I think its a great age . Just to say there are a group of us older mums about on the Forty Towers thread we met a a pregnancy thread 4 years ago and have been blathering on ever since. I had both my DSs late but other of us have much older children who have left home and then younger ones so do pop over and say Hi

Hi Rosie. Sympathy from me - I'm also 42. I'm 20 weeks pregnant with my first and have some of the same worries. At 15 weeks, I didn't know I was pregnant and couldn't stop crying because I thought it was the menopause . I'm also not working, having been made redundant and finished my job the the week before I found out that I was pg. As a pregnant nanny, I am pretty much un-employable for the next year, which is totally scary. Not that I want to work, I've got tons to do in the house to make space for the lo, but it feels unfair to put more stress on my husband, who is 48, asthmatic and never wanted any more children (his 22 and 16 year old live with us), and had a vasectomy to prevent that. It's neither of our fault that the vasectomy clearly failed, but it was deeply inconvenient timing!

I think getting to know people is the easy bit, although I have found that there are lots of places to meet people that I couldn't go to when I was working, but now can't afford. Ho hum! The one thing I haven't found is anyone being judgemental about it, fortunately. To be honest I don't think anyone else has the right to judge or disapprove and can therefore mind their own business.

thank you all for you words :)

I sat myself down and gave myself a good talking too.Feeling so much better today. Yesterday i went swimming which felt like a major achievment :) Also managed to walk into mothercare (and back out without crying/spending anything!!)
I know i'm a controle freek and right now everything feels outside my controle (including my bladded!!)

I'm seeing the consultant on thursday about my Thyroid, when it was first tested it was >100 (normal is 0.27- 4.2) last week it was >52 so it's getting better. I know this is part of what is making my moods irratic. (it does when i'm not pregnant!!) I'd like to hear from anyone else who has had a thyroid issue.

H.H / Lemon,
We thought about having a baby 5 years ago, after a year of trying i saw the Dr who said it was extreamly unlikly to happen on it's own. As we were living overseas and traveling a lot we decided just to leave it to God and enjoy the Diving! (we both worked In the Red Sea as diving instructors) becoming a grandma 18 months ago did shut that door in my head. we had plans to go back overseas next year.

Cycle,
I know what you mean by the timing thing!! I had just started a new (well paid but strsssful) Job.I'm not surprised they let me go but they were nastie and sneeky about it which hurt as i had worked really hard for them. We seem to be in a very similar situation. I wish you all the best. keep in touch?

thank you all again Monday was a tough day and all your supportive words really helped.

thank you.
xx

This could be a wonderful thing for you, the perfect way to meet and make new friends in your area. The fact that you have tried with your partner means that you can learn to love this idea I think.

My current pregnancy was unplanned, I had a coil fitted. Before becoming pregnant I was very broody, but wouldn't act on it because I am at uni and he relationship is fairly new. Despite the broodiness I felt really depressed when I found out I was pregnant and couldn't stop crying, even though I knew I wanted the baby and my partner was very supportive. I worried I'd have antenatal depression and post natal depression. Anyway a few weeks down the line I can report that these constant tears were not depression but raging hormones and I feel very relaxed, happy and excited now. I bet you will be in the same position soon.

Hi rosiedays, how are you doing?