Irrational thoughts - exhausted and stressed

[Adreena]

Hi all. I'm a newbie here. I'm around 8 weeks pg and while I'm happy I'm going to have a baby I'm suffering with irrational thoughts. I have a history of mild-moderate OCD but it hasn't bothered me really for years. Until now.

It feels like there's constantly something to fear/obsess over. Last week it was convincing myself that the routine HIV test would show me to be positive. The week before it was convincing myself I'd have a mc. I'm off work sick at the moment for a few days but will be going to my doctor next week to see if he will sign me off. Work is a huge source for my fears as I'm convinced the staff kitchen, including all the utensils, is riddled with salmonella, listeria etc. I can't even have a cup of tea or a drink of water without worrying. I asked my boss if I could work from home due to "exhaustion" (I feel safer at home) but got a no, even though its perfectly possible. So I'm risking being put on statutory sick pay in the meantime at a time we can't really afford it.

I'm so worn out. I don't want to go on pills but I'm starting to see no other way out. If the doctor doesn't sign me off I don't know what I'll do. So this is my new obsession. That he'll say no! And the cycle begins again :(

I'm not expecting any solutions. I just wanted to not feel so alone. Thank you for reading this ramble

Can you ask for a referral to see the mental health team? They may be able to offer you some support and there is usually a specialist midwife. Have you had CBT? It may well be worth looking into.

A lot of the worries are normal and related to hormones, the best things are distraction and keeping busy, so being at home might not be the best idea! Can you take your own food and drink in? If it makes you feel better taking everything in yourself with remove that as a worry.

Thank you for your replies. I have had some experience with CBT. It's just a struggle getting to the rational place in my head to remember the techniques when the panic starts.

Just as I'd finished posting I actually got a call from my midwife offering to refer me to a mental health service. I'd had a conversation with her this morning about something I was worried about and she called back to say a referral for some counselling might help. I'm a bit nervous about being tarred with the "mental" brush. But I can't go on like this.

Hi just wanted to say ur not alone I posted the other day about irrational thoughts!! I suffer from anxiety and depression and since getting pregnant it's just got worse and worse and I can't stop thinking!! It wears me out and brings me down so I know just how u feel. I've had to go back on my anti depressants as I can't cope anymore. Hoping they will kick in soon!! Make sure u take all the help u can get. It's not nice feeling this way. Sending u a hug xx

I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time. Don't really have anything very constructive to offer but I hope things pick up soon. I read somewhere that it's quite normal for pregnant women to develop fixations on a particular problem and drive themselves up the wall with it. So you are absolutely not alone and you will feel so much better if you get some help and advice.

Re: the HIV test, they are terrifying aren't they! Even if you're sure beforehand. The nurse I saw basically guilted me into having yet another one, already had 2. She made me feel terrible because her attitude was kind of "the father is an African - they're all infected" and if I didn't get tested I was a bad person and mother.

Won't be seeing that nurse again!