I haven't started mat leave yet (5 weeks and counting) but can already identify with some of the things on this thread!
If I have to get up really early for work or whatever, I make sure I've laid out my clothes in the next door bedroom, sneak out of our room as soon as my alarm goes off (in the dark) and gently close the door to try and avoid waking him, before getting on with getting ready and sneaking out quietly.
If my husband has to get up for an early meeting or whatever, he first of all lies there LITERALLY mumbling and grumbling about how early it is, how tired he is, how dark and cold it is outside. Then the covers are thrown aside with gay abandon creating a horrible draft. I am obviously wide awake by this point, but trying to ignore it in the hope he'll catch on that 'I'm asleep'. He then trots out of the bedroom, leaving the door wide open which a) lets all the noise from the bathroom in; b) lets the hall light shine in; and c) lets at least one if not both of our cats come in to lie on my head purring loudly into my ear. He then starts his shower, by which point he has perked up considerably and is perhaps singing. When that is finished, he comes in, plonks himself on the bed with his wet towel around him and checks his blackberry - another light shining in the former-darkness. Then starts the in-the-wardrobe-cursing search for clothes, finished off by putting his shoes on and clumping around all areas of the house - which has polished boards throughout, no carpets - loudly. Then I'll hear his taxi, the driver of which he loudly hails from the front door, before slamming it and leaving. FFS!!!!
And don't get me started on tea towels. My DH has NO IDEA what a tea towel is - neither a towel for drying hands NOR a cloth for cleaning up mess you've spilled on the counter. Seriously, you'd think a man with a first from Cambridge could fvcking work it out. 