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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

feeling torn

5 replies

umbrella · 22/01/2013 15:14

hi all im currently approaching 12 weeks. Background is I was married had to dc with my ex h there now 6.5 and 4.5 and the children spend equal time between me and my ex. A few months after i met a really my current partner and we have been together almost 2 years though we dont live together right now in the past few months he bes here most weekends and my children are happy in his company.
I had a mc in aug with a unexpected and this motivated us to try again and i got bfp in november. My mum hasnt been overly happy with everything and she was pleased when i had the mc as i live in rural ireland and its a big deal here to ever move on from your marriage regardless of circumstances never mind daring to have aother child with someone else! So i told her friday when we were sure that touch wood everything is ok and she has been so negative that its making me question everything. She said my kids will think im replacing them its to soon they will think i dont love them they wont understand why they need to go with there dad and the baby stays behind she isnt sleeping with worry and now i feel completely selfish. I love my children more than life they come first in everything i do now im half thinking should i follow my mums wish and have a termination and think about a baby in a couple of years. For the record im unbelievably 33 but in this situation feel like a child!

OP posts:
mrsR1991 · 22/01/2013 15:35

no no no do not have a termination. your partner would never forgive you and i'm pretty sure you wouldn't forgive yourself. you clearly wanted this baby otherwise you wouldn't have tried for one. your mum should be happy you have met someone else who you love and loves you too. i'm sure in time she will be happy for you both. i would have a word with her and explain how she is making you feel and that it isn't fair. your children know you love them, why would they doubt that? i'm sorry but your mum should never say things like that. i hope all works out for you xx

june2013 · 22/01/2013 17:23

You can't have a termination because your mother wants you to! It's hard to disentangle yourself from parents' opinions (though I'm sure others will have different opinions) I struggle to remember that I don't need my mum's approval. But it seems quite clear that you want this child. Your children will of course get used to it and there's nothing to say they'll feel replaced, they might love having a new brother / sister to play with! If anything it'll probably be easier for them to have a half sibling now than in a few years (I speak as the child of divorced & remarried parents). It's important that you should do what you want to do. Children are very resilient to these things.

It makes me very sad to hear that your mum was happy about your mc, I would be devastated if mc happened to me and traumatised if my mum was happy about it!

May I also add that in Ireland abortions are far worse than having a child from partner / husband number 2!! (I'm Irish, but don't live in Ireland). If neighbours / the community is actually concerned about this, trust me they'll get over it when they move onto the next bit of idle gossip they can get their hands on. And what's the worst they can really say: oooooh she is happy with another man and having another baby! Shocking! Grrr Irish attitudes like this really annoy me (but that's just me and I don't live there and when I did I lived in Dublin so I probably don't really understand how hard it can be).

Try talking to your mum and your partner, don't be alone with this.

Branleuse · 22/01/2013 17:25

can you move away from rural ireland and away from your mothers toxic influence and the local culture of misery?

umbrella · 22/01/2013 22:54

thanks everyone yes your right im just going to ignore her negativity. I know my kids know i love them more than death. I love my mum she is for the most part the most kindest person i know but a bit of a martyr and afraid of change and what people think its time for me to let her know i love her but make my own decisions in life

OP posts:
Stepawayfromthesweeties · 23/01/2013 06:39

I think your mum is the issue not the pregnancy. Your mum is projecting her issues and worries on to you which isn't fair & is very selfish if her (sorry if I'm slating your mum too much but feel very cross on your behalf). You're an adult & she does not have the right to try an influence your decisions. Please don't take your mothers issues on board & just enjoy being pregnant & I'm sure at 4.5 & 6.5 ur dc's will love to have a new baby around. Xx

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