SIL is TTC - didn't realise she was desperate for a baby - have I been a b***h?

[CareerGirl01]

Am 24 weeks pg, and found out the other day my SIL - who is nearly 40 is TTC. I knew she wanted a baby but she told me she was leaving TTC till after she got married, (when she told me this - over 12 months ago I thought she was crazy to wait because of her but didn't say anything). I've heard from my MIL that because I got pg at 37 with DD1 she had thought it was okay to wait but is now 'desperately trying'. (What SIL didn't know is that I had loads of regular health checks as I have/had PCOS, but that's an aside).
Now I feel, pg with DC2 at 42, that I should have been less enthusiastic in sending pregnancy updates and scan pics to my MIL and SIL? Should I be holding back. I've not had any problems getting pregnant so it may be I'm not being very empathetic.
I just want someone to tell me I've not been a b*h!?

You knew she was ttc over 12 months and knew her age...

If you didn't know she was even trying then you have not been insensitive.

I think the OP could have been more imaginative. She is older herself so knows the sensitivities. Anyway, congrats OP

expatAl her SIL told her 12 months ago that she was going to wait untill after her wedding to TTC, not that she has been trying 12 months. OP if you didn't know then there's not much you can do about what's already done. Just be there for her now x

I think I've been so excited about being pregnant i forgot to be more sensitive. However I'm going to proceed a bit more sensitively now. I just feel a bit bad. ANd it's true, it's not like she's been TTC for over a year, just a few months. And it took it us 4 months.

Congratulations on your pregnancies.

Given the fact that you have only just found out about your sister in laws situation I personally can not see how any offence could be taken as none was meant. I also do not think that your sister in laws situation should dampen your excitement at your news.

I have had difficulties conceiving and had to watch friends and my sister in law increase their families without any obvious difficulties. Never at any time did I wish that they were in my shoes and while it did make me feel sadder (self pitying), I was always happy for them.

What actually I found harder was when the few who did know about our situation didn't respond to me when I asked about how pregnancies, births etc were going. My sister in law once told me that SHE found it too awkward to discuss things with me- that was the most hurtful remark. I did find it hard to talk about it with them but wanted to share in their joy and found that easier on a one to one basis rather than deal with it over the force that is FB!

If you were my sister in law, I would not consider your updates insensitive and would be happy for you (if a little jealous).

Maybe you should ask your mother in law how your sister in law is over the situation and then decide how to continue based on her response. You could let your sister in law know that her mother has told you this and ask how she wants you to continue with updates etc.

I have a similar concern about my dsis, she is desperate for a baby but can't TTC due to health problems (not fertility related). I have shared all the details of my pg with her just as I would if things were different. It's awkward but I think treating her differently would have been worse.

Thanks all. I am talking to MIL tonight. SIL can be a bit brusque. She's not the sort of person I can approach easily. We used to get I really well and have great chats up until I had DD1 (her niece obv!) then she met her DH and for some reason things have been strained I thought I was imagining it then last year when she got engaged she chose a ring exactly the same as mine (mine is antique and a bit unusual) except the diamonds were twice the size. And their wedding was exactly like ours but much morr expensive. Didn't bother me but DH and a few others noticed it. Since then I've not felt quite as comfortable around her and am worried that I may have got caught in the middle of some sibling rivalry between her and my DH. Don't want to make it worse tone seen to be rubbing her nose in our luck (and that's what it is) at being able to have a DC2.