just in answer to your second question, I'm 18 weeks at the moment and I've not told work, despite being the size I was at 6 months with DC1. I can't tell them for bizarre reasons and will have to leave it for another 4 weeks at least so I'm just thumping about in big cardigans and long flowing scarves. I have no idea if I'm fooling anyone :-D but no-one's mentioned it yet. I will say that my family were plenty peeved that I didn't tell them earlier than the 12 week scan, because, understandably they think of themselves as in the nearest and dearest category - which they are- and therefore that they should have been told before. So not to add to your burdens, but I would think carefully about how to frame your news when you do tell family so their feelings aren't hurt. Its awful isn't it? We're the ones with the bumps but strangely we're having to be responsible for everyone else's feelings. Totally unfair.
I really can't see how touring the delivery suite and seeing a birth (!) is going to help. I freak out watching OBEM! I would certainly look into counselling and perhaps look at getting a doula if you decide to not have a CS