20 wk scan on Thursday...

[babyradio]

Got my appointment letter today and worried because the whole time have been struggling a bit with the idea of what gender it might be. Obviously deep down I don't mind as long as everything is fine, but I wanted a girl since I found out I was pregnant and now I'm going to know for sure and worried they will think I'm a terrible person if it's a boy and I end up crying. I thought about not finding out but I can't take another 20+ weeks of worrying about something I never had any control over anyway.

I feel bad for thinking 'what if it's a boy'. I even feel bad for worrying about it, as if could ever BE something to worry about. I just only ever saw myself having one baby about five years from now (God laughs while people plan...) and now this one has come along and suddenly it feels like my only chance to do it 'right' even though I know how silly that is.

Does anyone else feel like this or did you at any point?

I haven't been through it, but I think you're experiencing what is known as gender disappointment (or at least I guess you have fear of gender disappointment). As far as I can gather it is very very common - google it, read up about it and I'm sure there are coping strategies out there. Don't worry about what the sonographer thinks - they don't know you or why you're crying (could be happiness for all they know!).

I felt like this (and it was a boy). I felt very disappointed. I think it's important to allow yourself to feel those feelings, even if they're not 'socially accepted' or you should be happy it's healthy or whatever. You have the feelings, and they're not going to go away just because other people think you shouldn't be having them. It might also be good to ask yourself the question WHY you would like a girl so much and why you would be disappointed with a boy (I did this and it was very helpful to get an insight into myself about the reasons).

My boy is 20mo now and he's wonderful. I couldn't wish him to be any different. I'm pregnant again (20w scan at the end of this month) and I am hoping for a girl. I don't think I'll be -as- disappointed if it turns out to be a boy again (after all I've done it once now, and it turned out fine!) but I think I'll still have to deal with some disappointment if it happens.

It's normal to have these feelings, though I'll gently remind that most of these "gender disappointments" come from gender stereotyping - you could end up with a boisterous, tomboy of a girl or a sensitive, thoughtful boy... Just something to keep in mind. I'm not judging as I had the same feelings as you, but through discussions with my husband have come to terms with either sex (32 weeks and still don't know!)

If you're particularly afraid of being judged, a friend of mine got the sonographer to write down the sex on a bit of paper and put it in an envelope - then she and partner looked at it when they got home, a more private experience. Might be an idea for you too, help you to sort through your feelings at your own pace.

Good luck, and remember - what is meant to be, will be.

I felt like this found out I was having a boy and managed to get to the car before bursting into tears. I then had 19 weeks before meeting him to bond with my bump and couldn't wait to meet him now pregnant with a girl I was actually a little disappointed not to have another boy!
Boys are lovely
For me I was glad to find out as it gave me time to come round and I think being upset after giving birth and being handed a boy would have been harder on me (I ended up with PND anyway do this would not have helped) having time to coo over boys clothes name my bump wriggleson and think of the little boy kick boxer or footballer was a nice experience.
Good luck with your scan hope you are having a girl but if not boys are absolutely lovely and so loving to their mummies (generally) x