Can I ask about moving? If you had a straight choice would you move at 7-8m pg OR wait until after?

[emeraldgirl1]

It's not EXACTLY a straight choice as moving now will mean a bit more expense and a lot more stress of getting finances sorted quickly.

But either way will be the same situation: we will be moving from our own (owned) flat to a rented house in a different area of London. (Incidentally I have booked ante-natal classes in the new area as we are definitely moving there it is just a question of exactly when!)

If we REALLY got a move on we could probably get moved into a new rented place about 4 weeks from now (am currently 31w).

Either way we will still be needing to move again about 8-9 months to a year after the first move, as we are planning to buy in the new area but are renting first. So the point is that it is not as if doing the move now means I WON'T have to move with a baby eventually, just not with a newborn/2-3 month-old.

Otherwise the only choice is to stay put and move as soon as is realistic after the birth in early March. I have no idea what 'realistic' really means, as this is our first baby and I have no idea how badly I will be affected by lack of sleep etc.

Only thing I know for sure is that as I am having an ELCS I guess I will not be able to drive for quite a while afterwards which would put paid to viewing houses in the new area as I would have to drive there.

My gut reaction is to try and get this done asap BUT it feels quite scary and sudden. We should have got our arses into gear much earlier but until very recently I was convinced I wanted to stay put until after the birth. Now however I am changing my mind as I would love to feel settled. PLus we currently live in a very small flat and I am starting to panic about where everything will go, not to mention how sane I will stay with Mother and MIL being overbearing helpful and coming round a lot to help. I think I would feel happier with a bit more space!!

DH is reluctant to push things through this fast because he does literally everything at a snail's pace (I'm not joking, we are still in a debate about whether or not to buy a mirror he saw in a shop 4 years ago and said he might like us to have...) He will of course do whatever I want to do as he is aware that the majority of the effect either way will rebound on me as I will be the one at home with a small baby...

I'd just love to know what people think, either because you've done it one way or the other or just because you're pregnant and understand!!

Thanks ladies :)

I moved when I was 8 months pg. Its far easier imo because you don't have to fit everything in around feeds and changes and you can get all the new baby stuff sent to your new house instead of having to move that too.

I moved at 8 months pregnant. I'm glad I did it then because after a failed induction followed by an EMCS and an extremely clingy baby I honestly don't know if I could have coped with doing it after. It's not so much the actual moving as we got lots of help with it, it's more the weeks of unpacking, organising and moving stuff around that followed. It also meant that all of the baby stuff could be moved still boxed up (or delivered after we moved).

I was absolutely knackered though! I started my mat leave a week earlier than originally planned so I could get everything settled and be happy with the house. :)

Honestly I'd move now if you can - I moved a bit earlier (when I was about 6 months pregnant) but it was lovely being able to hunker down at home and not have to worry about anything other than being a mum and having a completely unpredictable dependent uncontrollable Thing to deal with (am I helping?!?). Plus being pregnant means movers are much nicer to you & won't let you do anything . Also babies collect a lot of stuff - even though they'll be in your room to start with, having space to put it all makes a difference to your sanity.

Thanks MissyMoo. This is what I am thinking. I think DH has not quite appreciated just how long and complex a feeding/changing schedule is going to be. Or how easy it will be to do viewings with a potentially screaming baby in tow (incidentally it will be me who has to do all this...)

I am really grateful for your opinion, mostly as when I mention this dilemma to anyone IRL they all look at me as if I am mad for even considering a move until the baby is eighteen and ready to leave home much older. I don't know if it is just because everyone likes to offer a strong opinion when you are pg... Either way I am finding it hard to get constructive advice!

I would move before.

If you are doing antenatal in the new area and make friends, it will be far easier to establish a friendship group if you are around at the beginning. Hard to slot in if you've not been around for the early part because you live an hour across London or whatever.

In the early days, everyone wants to make friends. It's like freshers week at uni, but without the booze . Later on, friendship groups will have settled and become less 'public'- more meetings at people's houses, etc.

If you weren't moving area, I'd say after. It's easier to work out what you want in a property (even a short-ish term rental) after the baby arrives. I don't think planning around feeds is that hard and personally I was much less exhausted in the early months of motherhood than in late pregnancy.

P.s I did viewings across the country when pregnant with DD2 - I found travel time really hard when I was 8+ months. Sitting in a car was really hard. We didn't actually move until much later for various reasons but I think viewings with a month old baby is waaaaay easier than viewings with a rampaging toddler FWIW!

Thank you EnglishGirl and funnypeculiar!!

Oh I should also add that actually we won't have that much stuff to actually 'move' IYSWIM... We'll be leaving most of the furniture at our old flat as we will either be renting it out furnished OR putting it on the market for (hopefully) a quick sale and we want it to look furnished for that as it seems places sell faster when they are not empty. So we will just be moving with the basics eg: all our clothes, books, kitchen eqipment etc but not very much actual furniture. Not that we have that much furniture because our flat is so small!!!

Definitely before if you don't have much stuff, it'll be a breeze!

I'd move now too. So much easier than with a newborn in tow.

AmandaPayne thank you! The whole issue of meeting mums and making friends is v much on my mind, and tbh is the main reason I booked the antenatal in the new area. Even though actually we are only about 20 mins drive from where we are now to the new area, I do wonder if it would be easier to keep up friendships I might have made if I am nearby. Also I hadn't taken into account that I won't be able to drive, not even 20mins, for a while after the ELCS... would be happier if I just had a stroll to meet people.

I think I am hesitating so much because I do think DH thinks I am a bit bonkers for wanting to rush this through after humming and haa-ing for so long. But it is not as if we are trying to BUY in a very short space of time.

My dd was 4 weeks old when we moved house and it was fine ! I don't feel it added any stress etc , but we did move from a small 2 bed so didn't have loads of stuff to move but enough!

In the first few weeks after having a baby (particularly your first), getting out the door can be tough. I had a spring baby and my NCT group often met for a walk in the park, or a coffee in a local cafe. I think it would make it a lot harder if you had to drive for 20 minutes every time you wanted to meet up. One of our group lived about 15 minutes away, and she quickly dropped out and found more local friends. Particularly in London, it can be so local.

Thank you Ra88. Yes, like you we don't have a lot of stuff to move. I think that would make the move easier if we DID end up waiting.

I am really kicking myself in so many ways for not just deciding this sooner as I think it would just be better not to feel we are doing it in a hurry IYSWIM. Or maybe that is just because as I said before, DH always makes me think I do things in a hurry if I don't take literally a lifetime to think through every angle...

Amanda yes, it's weird how London can be ridiculously local!! Doesn't make sense in a way as it's all supposed to be one big melting pot. But I know plenty of people who think it's strange to pop out of their local area for ANYTHING, unless they're going right into the centre of town. I've always had friends all over London so haven't been very 'local before but I know all that will change when I have a baby and can't just hop on a bus at a moment's notice...

I think maybe that my other small issue with pushing this through is that the new area will be that much further for my mum and MIL to get to... they've both been really generous with offers of time and help and I feel a bit bad about suddenly having to ask them to drive/travel quite a bit further. But that's probably silly of me as I do know they want to help.

It's not just that. It seems really pointless schlepping across town to sit in a draughty church hall toddler group when there is one on your doorstep! I find we tend to travel only for established friends, not 'mum friends' IYSWIM.

I agree - move before! we had to find a house quickly (not as quickly as you!) as we we staying in a friends spare room when I was 5 months pregnant. The move itself was easy for us as we had no stuff (it arrived from overseas when I was 8 months pg) I wasnt in a great place after DS1 was born and I dont think I could have coped very well with moving, especially as I'm in charge of everything housewise.

That's a v good point Amanda. I'm sure it's partly because of the relative difficulty of travelling across London with a small baby in tow. I think, knowing myself, that I'm unlikely to be wanting to schlep any distance with a newborn. I think it might feel a bit overwhelming, especially in the early days.

lynniep thank you... I assume you mean, if you don't mind me asking, that you were 'not in a very good place' pyschogically? Because I have a lot of worries about PND, I have suffered from depression and anxiety for most of my adult life and naturally I am concerned about this returning post-natally.

I think my original feeling was that, given my worries about this, I might be better off staying in a place I know (and we do love our current flat). But my thoughts on this are changing. For one thing, it's not as if I have a lot of friends/support in our current area as my friends are all over London. In fact I literally know nobody in our area!! And for another, I am deliberately trying to establish some support/friendships in the new area with the ante-natal classes so if anything I think it would be better to go to a new place where I will have a different rhythm of life anyway.

Yes, buses are generally ok as long as they aren't too busy. There is normally space for a buggy, or you can use a sling. On a busy bus taking them out and folding can be a bit overwhelming with a tiny (but a piece of cake once you get the hang and have an older one). Tube is a nightmare on most lines unless you sling. Train normally ok, but pretty limited routes.

Move before - house moves are ridiculously stressful at the best of times. We moved when I was 7 months pg with DC2, DC1 was 18 months and it was okay, but doing it sleep-deprived would have finished our marriage... Move, get settled, familiarise yourself with the area - so much easier when you can just pick up your keys, phone and wallet and have a wander at will. It always took me about half an hour to leave once baby arrived, with feeds and ill-timed nappy changes, not to mention all the gubbins you need to schlepp about with you sometimes I'd lose the will during the process and not bother.

Thanks CheeseStraw.

Oh dear, I'm getting quite cross with poor DH now that I'm hearing everyone's replies! He's a lovely lovely man, but he has been making me feel as though I'm some mad whirling dervish for starting to want to do this asap. I honestly think he hasn't realised (why would he, nor have I??!!) just how much of a hassle it could be trying to do this with a very small baby. And I also think he hasn't taken into account my need to feel settled/my hopes for making a few local friends.

I think I may need ot sit him down tonight and see if I can explain all this.

Ha, was just thinking about this & coming to post about the fact it takes 30 mins to leave with a new baby, cheesestraws. You know yourself, but for me, getting to new-mummy-meetups (AN group, playgroups) could be tough to manage when they were 5 mins down the road - if the baby naps/has an explosive poo at just the wrong time, you can be scuppered. SOunds mad, but its true (or was for me).

If you have to add to that driving 20 mins then it would be easy to feel it wasn't worth going now as they'll all be finished when you get there. Making local friends is easier when babies are little imo - as you are meeting the same people when you go to have your baby weighed/at AN class/at the baby massage group etc. Unless you're very good at friendships/lucky, just bumping into people helps.

Awww, don't be cross with dh. It's a very understandable response to want to keep everything static when there's such a big change coming.

And best of luck- it all feels scary now, but you will be fine.

funnypeculiar no no, I'm not really cross, I think I'm just a little frustrated as he has a LOT of previous form on this front... He really does want to do the best thing, bless him, but I do think he is keen to keep things as they are at the best of times, let alone at a stressful time like this,