When to tell work...

[GoodnessMeNoGinInTheHouse]

I am currently 8 weeks pregnant with #2 and returned to my role last March after 9 months maternity leave with dc 1. I am an event manager and due to the nature of my role had to tell work at 9 weeks last time as i was working on a big event which meant lifting/long hours etc...

I haven't even had my booking in appointment this time, I am told by the hospital will be at 10-11 weeks and scan at 12-13 weeks. I am torn between holding out until the scan..but have 2 events coming up before then but could get away without anyone knowing.. I do seem to be showing earlier this time around (could just be me worrying) and don't want people gossiping. I kind of feel guilty for letting anyone know before or after a scan as I know there will be an impact on the team and the workload... yet so privately excited about #2 as getting pregnant both times has not been easy...

Do you think it is best to tell them earlier again due to the nature of my work and give them fair warning I'll be going on maternity leave again? Or to wait for another few weeks? What is the best thing for them and for me?

I think you have to do what's right for you. I've always held out for the scan, just for fear of having a miscarriage and everyone at work knowing and all the awkwardness/pity that would folllow etc (sounds pessimistic I know, but I had a mc last year and was glad no-one at work knew).

I think if you're feeling well and you can do your work safely, then by all means hold off until the scan.

I think if there are elements of your job that may put you at risk in the next few weeks or if you're feeling poorly, it could be worth telling work so they can make allowances for you to safeguard you health and well-being.

Unfortunately I had to tell my boss earlier this week at only 7 weeks. I work in a lab with some pretty toxic chemicals and its a health and safety thing. Only my boss and a couple of the other lab techs know so they can keep an eye on me and step in when a procedure needs something that might potentially damage baby. Just crossing all my fingers and toes that the baby sticks as I feel too many people know now (parents and in laws included).

Sorry...my point was meant to be...don't put yourself or baby at risk but maybe keep it amoungst only those that NEED to know x

I had to tell my bosses when I was 7 weeks pregnant because I threw up on one of them. Made it kind of obvious really.

We'd already had the scan at 5+6 and seen the heartbeat so I wasn't overly worried about them knowing however I understand others wanting to wait until they have the 12 week scan back in the UK. Also I errr on the side of having people for support in the event of loss and we told family as soon as I peed on the stick and close friends straight away too.

If you work involves anything risky I'd tell them.

Ok - my experiences:

With pregnancy number 1 I didn't tell - then had a mmc at nearly 12 weeks - after which I obviously had to tell as I had been off work due to D&C etc.

Pregnancy number 2 - due to the mc before told at 6-8 weeks and hated the fact that I know it got discussed within the wider workplace, even though my immediate team only were supposed to know. Felt anxious until 12 weeks (even though I had an ok early scan). DD born safely!

Pregnancy number 3 - didn't tell and had a mc at 5 weeks - still didn't tell, was off on holiday when the mc started and went back to work as planned (had a hospital appointment on day off as working part time). Was not a nice team and several issues in workplace made me feel unsupported.

Pregnancy number 4 - told my boss only (and one close friend in team) at about 5 weeks, then it was all quiet and told everyone else at 12 weeks. DS born safely!

Pregnancy number 5 (this one) - didn't tell boss until 12+3 after second scan. Told rest of colleagues at 16 weeks.

I guess as time has gone on I don't feel the need to share the info - I also think work is less my life as I have had more children - my colleagues were my some of key friends in teh job I had before my first child and the job I'm in now - I like them but they're not my close friends. I don't think there is any moral obligation to tell before 12 weeks or so in terms of the fair warning. I was also showing with my second baby and this one but people just say afterwards "Oh I thought you had a bit of a tummy but I didn't like to say anything!" - and it's amazing how you can hide it with baggy clothes, cardys, scarfs, etc.

HTH

I told my line manager at 14 weeks as knew she would have to find mat cover and wanted to give her reasonable notice. Have told the wider business at 21 weeks. I think it's such a personal thing - we have been very worried about losing ours so kept it fairly quiet. Also my job is desk-based so could suffer in silence a lot of the time - might have been a different story in a more demanding, active role! I'm surprised my team genuinely seemed not to have suspected a thing even at 21 weeks - first pg though and maybe they thought I was just getting fat, bless! Large jumpers and lots of new clothes so they didn't notice any bulges that weren't there before seemed to help....

OP, I think people are generally much less observant than we give them credit for. So they probably haven't noticed you're showing. But if you're genuinely worried about working conditions then perhaps you could tell one good friend on the team, who could make sure you don't have to do any heavy lifting?

Or, you could say that you have had a bad back and don't want to do any lifting. I did this while ttc for a while and no-one dives any further (I also work in events), although I had had a bad back in the past so could make it sound plausible!

It feels really weird not to tell people in the first few weeks, especially because it seems like your whole life is changing. I told a few friends at that time, but only after Id weighed up the question: can I talk to them if I have a mc? Was tempted to tell work, but then realised it would be hell to have to talk to them about a mc, especially because you will have already talked about how happy/ prepared/ excited you are (inevitable baby news small talk).

You need to decide what works best for you. I would have liked to have not mentioned until it was physically obvious as I'm a contractor and didn't want it to jeopardise extending my contract.
In the end I was pretty sick before my first scan and close colleagues guessed when I was looking green, constantly snacking and had dropped caffeine in my tea/coffee order. I felt a big relief when it was out in the open - and I was surprised that even as a contractor I received support (I don't get paid if I'm not in office, but they let me work a few days from home and finish/start late a few times without financial penalty which I was very grateful for)
I expected difficulty with regard to extending the contract, but was surprised that it was extended in the end and there has even been some shifting of roles/responsibilities so I am doing something that is much better suited to my needs for the rest of this pregnancy.
Its difficult to sometimes know how people/bosses will react, but my experience leads me to feel that if you are generally well considered as a good worker and a big if - that your managers are reasonable then it should be ok for them to know, but I realise there are plenty of people who are probably not working in companies with good and reasonable managers.