Newly pregnant and totally freaking out!

[butterflyblues]

Hi everyone, I have literally never been on here before, but I did a pregnancy test on New Year's Day and another one today, and I am definitely pregnant; I reckon about three to four weeks. I just need someone to talk to!

I should be pleased as I am 36 and dying for kids, and my fiance and I were planning to do this later this year - in about October - after the wedding in September!

Now it seems I am going to be due on or near the big day, meaning we have to push it back, and tell everyone as we have already sent out the save the dates, aaagh.

Not only that but he is abroad until March and I am on my own feeling rather bewildered. And the doctor won't even see me for a few weeks!

I know I should be overjoyed - and of course there is no question of not keeping it, so of course I want it - but I'm not feeling happy, just depressed. I'm completely freaked out and feel weird and slightly resentful. Ridiculous I know. I feel gutted that we aren't going to be able to do the wedding, and worried about telling my folks and work, and like my life is ending, and so so terrified in general!

I feel like the difference between theoretically discussing having children and being actually pregnant is vast!

If there's anyone going through the same thing, or who has experienced this, please do get in touch. I guess any words of wisdom or just a shared experience would really help :)

Hiya Butterfly

I had been trying for a baby for 2 and a bit years and was just moseying along with it, so not charting temps or anything, and then I found out I was pregnant, I was amazed and then exactly as you describe, depressed and freaked out, I spent three weeks wondering if I was actually doing the right thing or should I not have it. I cried alot on my DH and then I realised it was just the shock of it. Hormones knocked me for six in the early days and I really struggled to cope with that, however now I'm 27+4 and have been shopping and starting on the nursery this weekend and am loving being pregnant.

I couldn't believe how upset I was about something I had wanted so long and I found that people in RL didn't really know how to deal with it, Mumsnet was a god send in the early days! Hope that helps :)

No matter what age you are it sometimes comes as a shock, I'm 18 I can't really offer much advice or insight but lots of hand holding & support can be found on here. I found out 2 weeks before Christmas & I completely freaked out, it has changed all of my plans but you really adjust & now me & BF couldn't be happier. & congratulations!!

Aw thanks to both of you! Can't describe how much it helps just to know I'm not abnormal - and that it will be ok...

Thanks a lot and congratulations to you both too!

I freaked out too do & think you are totally normal. I'm 36 & had convinced myself that at my age it would be really hard to get pregnant & prob end up needing ivf ( sounds ridiculous I know, but I've had gynae issues, family history of very early menopause) so was totally prepared for it to not happen. Lo & behold it only actually took 2weeks of trying & happened straight away. It was totally the best thing ever & I've never been so happy but at the same time just not mentally ready for the fact that everything is in full working order . I'm 17 wks now & have got my head round it now and trying to change my ways of negative thinking & just feeling completely blessed. Also there are huge hormonal changes going on right now so it might take a while yet for you to get your head round it all, so don't beat yourself up about any of it.
Wishing you a very happy & healthy pregnancy (& slightly delayed wedding) xx

I think in the pregnancy topic, there was a thread along the lines of "Can I be honest, I'm not enjoying it at all" lots of people on there feeling the same.

Thank you so much Stepawayfromthesweeties and ratbagcatbag! So nice to know we're all in the same boat and actually, starting to get quite excited! Thank you!! x

butterfly I am 36 too and even though the baby was much-wanted and we were trying, the moment I got the BFP I cried. Not tears of joy either!! Not that I WASN'T happy, I was just freaked out and instantly wondering if we had done the right thing/mourning my old life already!!

7 months on and I am in a totally different mindset (to be fair I was in a different mindset after 12 weeks, once the nausea had worn off). I am thoroughly excited about the future (even though I know it may not seem it from my overly-anxious posts on other matters recently, but I figure you CAN be both anxious AND excited...) :)

DH was pretty freaked out too, we spent the first few days wondering around in shock and not feeling sure about it; now he is totally adapted and looking forward to it, amazing as he wasn't sure he was cut out for fatherhood when we started trying.

Good luck and I KNOW you will start to feel better soon. A good friend of mine told me that the whole 'point' of pregnancy is that you have 9 months to get used to the idea... FWIW I think people who AREN"T a bit freaked out are crazy (only joking; still, it is SUCH a big thing to happen to your life that it does seem a bit strange if someone is nothing but blissfully calm and thrilled from the word go...)
xx

Yep me too. In fact, I had just got married and I had been dying to get pregnant, but the day the test was positive, I totally freaked out and shut down. No jumping with joy. As you say the gap between wanting to be pregnant and getting pregnant is pretty vast!

I hope the wedding plans work out - you could always elope in March and have a big party again next year (totally what I wanted to do, but husband wouldn't and maybe I was more talk than... walk!!).

Good luck!!

I was exactly the same when I found out. Although ours wasn't planned. Me and OH had just moved in together and were 2 weeks away from going on our first boozy holiday together in Greece. Both me and OH were so shocked we didn't even talk about the pregnancy for a good few days, just tried to pretend it wasn't happening. I was 21 when I fell pregnant so thought I was too young, I've always wanted to be a young mum, but not this young! I'm now 2 days over due and cannot wait to meet our gorgeous little bundle.

I'd say it took me a good 6/7 weeks to actually start feeling happy with the pregnancy and to be a bit excited. The fact that I was feeling like crap everyday probably didn't help. As soon as I saw our baby on that screen at our first scan, I was the happiest girl in the world. Even OH couldn't hold back the tears!

Sorry for the long reply but I just wanted you to know that this feeling won't last forever. When you start to feel baby move and kick about, you'll begin to wonder how you could ever feel the way you did.

Hope this helps, and congratulations!

ditto on the freaking out front. I found out in October, and ended up doing 5 (yes 5) tests to be sure. my GP looked at me like a complete mentalist when I told her!

However, freaking out has now left me, and I am excited now - don't worry, and keep reading threads on here. All of these lovely ladies will help you through it, and if your friends are anything like mine, they will be absolutely over the moon for you and completely understand you moving your wedding day!

Congrats on your amazing news!

Congratulations!
I understand how you feel. I'm 28 and been with my fiancé (who is 32) 9 years. We always wanted children but not for another year yet as we live my parents. I fell pregnant, my own fault, but it wasn't planned and all I felt at first was panic. I was embarrassed to tell people and although I knicker checked constantly and cried when I spotted @ 9 weeks; I found it really hard to come to terms with. I just didn't feel ready and I kept/keep wondering what would be happening if I wasn't pregnant. It took until about 16 weeks for the excitement to outweigh the panic and now @ 20 weeks I cant wait! Don't feel guilty about your feelings; your not alone in feeling the way you do and hormones are your nemisis too. It's a massive change :-) x

Ah thanks everyone for all your lovely posts! So many interesting points and so the way I am feeling; it really is a rollercoaster eh, one minute I'm excited, the next I'm panicked, embarrassed and worrying about money... Made me laugh too, so thanks to everyone and good luck with everything!! xx

I know this is a really old thread but I can’t tell you how much this has given me hope. I feel like the worst person in the world for being freaked out/worried I’ve made the right decision/worried I can even do this/mourning my old life.

I’m 32 and in the middle of a 2 year study, on top of a full time job, moving house in 2 weeks and already said yes to attend 5 weddings early next year, one of which is abroad and 2 of which my DH and I are in the wedding party (best man & maid of honour).

I’m just feeling so overwhelmed and confused. I love kids & absolutely adore and own lots of animals (dogs, cats, horse) and the prospect of the child isn’t worrying me half as much as being pregnant for 9 months +. Feeling so rough (when I’m usually so active) and like I’m going insane, I know is part of the process of the hormones but it just feels like I can’t see the wood for the trees.

Anyway, thanks again to all the ladies from this thread back in 2013. I hope all your bubba’s are living wonderful and healthy lives. ✨💕