35 weeks and can't make a decision

[Flowerydems]

We've had a pretty tough month with the passing of DH's mum just before xmas. My DH has been really affected by it all and has only just started sleeping properly again.

Basically he want's me to have a section as it takes some of the guesswork out of everything I guess and he's seeing it as the less stressful option. He's not pushing me into anything don't get me wrong but I'm just worried I'm being selfish going for a VBAC when it would mean so much less stress for him and the rest of the family if I'm honest as there's a set date and all that.

Only thing is we have DS who's just about 13 months and who doesn't stand much or walk anywhere and he's quite heavy so the recovery is a worry. Also I don't want to be doomed to a life of c-sections either as DS was an EMCS but feel this is just selfishness when it would make him so much less stressed. Especially since once of his pals had an ELCS and they're so relaxed about everything and said it was the best decision they made. Just want to be a person not causing him stress on top of everything else.

Just kind of hoping someone might have some insight into what's best to do cause I'm really confused about what would be the right way to go about this xx

Firstly, I'm really sorry about your bereavement. Such a sad time for your DCs to lose a grandmother

It's really your decision rather than anyone else's whether you go ELCS or VBAC as it is your body and your mind that have to cope with the physical and emotional consequences of either option. It isn't your DH's choice and given his loss he may not be thinking about this in the most rational way.

You have had an EMCS before so know what the recovery of that was like. Having had an easy VBAC myself after a difficult EMCS I was amazed by how well I felt afterwards and how quickly I recovered (literally within an hour I was in the shower). Every delivery is different of course so no-one can tell you what will happen for you.

You sound as though you haven't ruled out more children, so for that reason, plus, your toddler I would err towards trying a VBAC but with the proviso of no induction if things aren't happening, and moving to a CS in preference to this.

Best wishes to you and your family whatever you decide.

Think laguerta has given spot on advice :)

So only these to add....

Can you just opt for a caesarian without a valid medical reason then? That amazes me.

Sorry to hear you lost your MIL! However I don't think I would choose to have major surgery, just to save DH some stress. I'm not that sure it would save him stress anyway to be honest. won't he be the one who has to pick up the slack if you are incapacitated after the birth?

Hi

I couldn't decide between an ELCS or a VBAC with my DS2, I thought about not much else for weeks, was quite stressful really.

I think it's the hormones that make you indecisive

In the end when I saw the consultant I booked an ELCS for just after my due date (was quite fed up by then), I really didn't want to go overdue. I said that if I started naturally prior to due date then I would give VBAC a go.

In the end I went into labour 1 week early so laboured...ended up with another EMCS once dilated due to baby's distress (I did say to the midwife that if things looked tricky then I would rather have another CS over an instrument birth).

DS2 was fine and I only stayed in one night so was home quick. DS1 also fine with me resting lots and not carrying him plus DH did loads during his 2 weeks off.

Thanks LaGuerta and Inthenightgarden, what you said really helped :) Hearing about successful VBACs is what made me really want to try. I don't think he is thinking about the recovery only the planning aspect of everything but can't blame him for being like this at the moment.

worsestershiresauce - Yeah as I had an EMCS last time I'm allowed the option, they're quicker to whip you in if anything looks at all untoward aswell which is reassuring.

N0tinmylife - I know I just explained this to him aswell and he's seen that it's right enough. I was in a pretty bad way after the last time aswell.

thehairybabysmum - Haha it probably is the hormones making me overthink the whole thing aswell. I've already been booked in for a section for a week past term cause I was 2 weeks over with DS and there's no way I'd manage that again. But we'd already agreed that VBAC at any point before that.
Your story is kind of what I'm worried about happening. We had DS in ICU for a week cause the induction brought on distress but it's good to know that you guys were out so quick. :)

Have to say it was a fab experience with DS2 despite EMCS....didn't feel in any way disappointed, just delighted with him!

I think the moment they arrive the pregnancy stresses just vanish

Aww, thanks Inthenightgarden

Sorry to hear about your bereavement.

Has anyone been able to give you a rough idea of your chances of success with VBAC? I am coming up on 30 weeks and deciding whether to try a VBAC or just have another ELCS. (First DC was breech.) Part of me doesn't want to go through a trial of labor if there is still a significant chance of an EMCS at the end. I have never been in labor, so that is a complete unknown, and I am also 38, so I have worse-than-average chances of success. DD weighed over 8 pounds -- not a monster, but getting towards the point where #2 might be pretty big.

As I type all this, I also think it's my only chance to try -- doctor says no trial of labor after 2 CSs, and we aren't really planning a 3rd DC anyway. So I don't know what I will decide. DC2 could very well be breech, anyway. Good luck with your decision.