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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Midwife...

11 replies

Rubes27 · 01/01/2013 21:41

I'm 25 weeks with my first, and I have no idea what my midwife is suppose to be doing, but I'm pretty sure she's not doing it!! She has a really bad 'can't be bothered' attitude and Ive asked her things at appointments to which she replied "should be ok". I even called her when I was 20 weeks because I hada dark fluid coming from my breast and she just said "yeah that don't matter"! Everyone I've spoke to has said a midwife should be like a friend and be helpful and caring but mine seems like she couldn't care less! I just don't know what to do!! Any help/advice would be great! X

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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lagoonhaze · 01/01/2013 21:44

Have a look at the nice guidelines for what interventions she is meant to be doing. Available online or in booklet at booking appt

You can always request a change in midwife.

ILoveSaladReallyIDo · 01/01/2013 21:48

I never heard the midwife should be a friend thing, most people don't have that much to do with them really, just routine checks - BP & Urine... If you have specific problems that she isn't addressing you can still see your GP or call the unit for a second opinion

you can change your midwife

you can choose an independant midwife for antenatal, or postnatal, or birth, or all three care

it's not that likely that she'll be the one delivering your baby

Original poster

Rubes27 · 01/01/2013 21:52

Shes the only midwife at my GPs surgery, so I wouldn't be able to change!

OP posts:

TwitchyTail · 01/01/2013 22:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ZuleikaD · 02/01/2013 07:22

I've never heard that your midwife should be a friend either. IME they're reasonably friendly professionals who take your blood pressure and urine sample at a visit and listen to the heartbeat/measure the bump. I've had three different MWs so far this pregnancy.

However, if you're not happy you can probably have MW checks elsewhere (eg at the hospital).

worsestershiresauce · 02/01/2013 07:45

I think midwives used to be more involved as they had fewer patients and more time. Now they do the bare minimum. Mine is also useless, so I find out everything I need to know from the web.

Fluffeh · 02/01/2013 08:17

I'm not sure if all trusts offer this but I'm on a scheme called case load midwifery. It means I see the same midwife for every appointment and she comes to my scans and consultant appointments too.
I was lucky in that it was set up when I first found out I was pg (about 4wks).
It might be something you could look into if you think it could help?
My midwife is lovely, she calls me regularly and is friendly but professional.

mrsL1984 · 02/01/2013 08:38

Is it expected for a midwife to be your friend? Is yer gp meant to be friend??? Yes her attitude seems not compassionate or even professional! Have you complained? You normally don't see the same midwife unless she's allocated a permanent clinic! Maybe your need to complain to the community midwife manager. Pregnancy is meant to e enjoyable! Maybe woman start lactating early! You can always ring you maternity triage if reassurance needed! Good luck x

ZuleikaD · 02/01/2013 11:05

Since when is pregnancy 'meant' to be enjoyable? It's just a state of physical being - that's like saying menstruating is meant to be enjoyable.

milkyjo · 02/01/2013 12:44

A midwife should be professional but not be your friend in the sense of having a friendship or relationship with a client - it will be in her code of conduct. Professional and client based relationship, yes but anything else, no. I suggest as others have said, get researching other areas to provide your care if you are really not happy. Also speak to PALS if you want to complain or even just make them aware of your midwife's attitude. For what it's worth, and I don't want to brush off the fact that your midwife has a shitty attitude, it may cause more stress and time wasting to try and change/complain, when you will only be seeing her for short appointments a handful of times, if only for a BP, urine and baby/bump check. When you ask questions, if you are brushed off with 'it doesn't matter' probe a bit more, ask if she can explain things a bit more as to why these things happen and tell her you need to know so it can reduce your anxiety levels.

angeltattoo · 02/01/2013 13:53

If she is doing what she is meant to be doing, BP, urine, bump measurements etc and is knowedgable and professional, then she is doing her job.

She is not meant to be your friend, and you do not have to see her if you don't want to.

You've said you don't know what she's meant to be doing; finding out this info may be good place to start and a resonable measure for you to assess the care you are receiving. My hospital provide an antenatal care pathway on their website, yours should too. Or NICE guidelines are open access.

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