New future near (36) and suddenly scared?

[LaCiccolina]

Hi, we r due at end of jan. it's dd2 and obviously we r very happy. Dd1 has recently turned 2 herself. Now it's like I can't stop worrying about how it will be. Pregnancy has been easy ish, life been up and down in 2012. (Isn't it always?) my top worries have recently been

How will I cope with 2?! It will be an elcs. First was induction which I hated passionately, not because I wanted natural, just hated induction and was very traumatic. How will I cope with dh, dd1 and now dd2?

Will dd1 feel so terribly abandoned? I'm starting to feel immense guilt and sadness like she wasn't enough, when I adore her. We mention bump but she's 2. I really don't think she gets it, how can she? Any tips? I've bought baby doll etc from dd2 for dd1 but will dd1 be ok?

How will I do stupid little things? The one bizarrely that worries me most is sleep for dd1. Do I just leave dd2 in Moses in lounge and go upstairs with dd1 settle her and return? For some reason I'm fixating and can't see past the enormity of two to think straight. How do others do it?

Will dh and I cope together? It feels as scary as one turning up. We got thru and are very close but the what ifs are haunting me.

Does everyone worry like this? I'm usually so calm and practical this worry wort is new..... Experiences please!

Oh honey everyone feels like this! When I had ds2 I would leave him in a safe place (cot Moses basket etc) so I could deal with ds1. If I had to go upstairs with ds1 and leave ds2 I just put him safely at bottom of stairs so I could still see him.

The thing is you just play it by ear and before you know it your coping with 2! You will develop routines etc and as long as dd1 is kept involved she will be fine.

We coped so well we went on to have dd and are about to have dc4 in jan although our 3 dcs are all school age now and the juggling of little ones won't be necessary this time still absolutely shitting self though

One thing to remember is that more than for anyone, this baby is a massive gift for your dd1. I would be lost without my sister, who else will work with me to deal with our parents getting older. No one knows me better and puts up with as much from me. So don't be worrying about dd1 feeling abandoned, you are giving her quite the opposite, back up and support for life.

Wow, dunno why but I never looked at it like that. I'm an only child so have no experience of that. Very helpful thank u.

Good to know I'm not the only one who gets cold feet

My first daughter loves her baby sister she was never jealous at all. We kept pointing out that the baby was watching her (which she was it was freaky!), that she did nice things and was a good big sister. She was 2.9 when little sis arrived and enjoyed the attention that a new baby brought her. I think people concentrate too much on the possible negatives of the sibling relationship.

Hi, my ds is now 5 weeks, and dd1 is 2.5. I was really scared of all the same things you are.

Firstly, dd is great with ds. I think buying her off with a talking igglepiggle as a being born present from him helped, but also she has just accepted it. I do have less time with her but still manage a couple of hours each day of really focussed play with her usually. I do have a cleaner though and also dh has been doing much more around the house to facilitate this. There are some really beautiful moments when they are both asleep on me / or I am playing with dd with ds lying happily on the playmat with us - these moments rarely last long though!

Mostly it has been quite chaotic - and I've had to adopt a bit of a disaster management approach - sorting whichever one needs most at any given time. This was particularly tough in the first few weeks but has got a lot easier and now feels manageable again. My sister said to me that all you need to do is survive and keep everyone safe at the start - and if that means more cbeebies than you would like for dd1 so be it. It does get easier and you can make up for it later.