Advice on telling family please

[MollyCG]

Hello mums, this is my first post here.
I got a BFP 3 days ago.
I've been with my partner for more than 10 years and although we were actively TTC getting a BFP has put me into total shock.

I live in Africa and am just home to spend Christmas with my family.
I feel that my partner should be the first person to find out, but I want to do that in person and not by phone so am waiting until I go back on 2 January.

However, I'm wondering whether I should tell my mum and brother before I leave ?
This will be the only opportunity I have to tell them face to face.

The real problem stems from the fact that although my mother loves me with every breath in her body, we have totally opposing personalities and visions of life / lifestyle.
I come from a very strong Catholic upbringing and although I have been with my partner for more than 10 years, having a child 'out of wedlock' will be interpreted by my mum as a huge shame / embarrassment and not the once in a lifetime happy occasion I would like this experience to be.

So should I tell my partner first, take the time necessary to get over the shock and plan things a little bit in our heads.
Or should I tell my family before leaving on 2 Jan and risk facing a possible negative reaction / questions which I don't yet have the answer etc.?

What a hard decision. I would want to tell my DP first. Or could you video chat with him? It really is his news to hear first.

Just my opinion.

Ooo it's a hard one...

As you've been with your partner so long, do you think he'd be upset if he found out after your family did? I know mine would have been.

It's also very early days, I didn't want to tell my family until we'd had the first scan. My lot are terrible at keeping secrets so everyone and their dog would know and I wouldn't want to deal with the pain/stress of telling them if there was bad news.

I was also happy to have held off on the well meaning advice that you will receive for at least three months.

Wait to tell your family. For now just enjoy the little secret between you and DP - it really is such a lovely, special time.

Tell your family after you've had your 12 wk scan - you can surprise them by sending an email while you're Skyping. Label it something vague like "latest plans" and say you wanted to get their opinion...then wait for their facial reaction when they open the email. I pity the fool who won't melt at seeing the gorgeous little scan photo of your baby!

Congratulations, by the way!

I'd definitely wait to tell family. Your DP should be first to know and his will be the happy reaction you need to share. You don't want the first person you tell to be disapproving and negative.
It's also v early days and if, against all hopes, this one doesn't stick, the additional disapproval/comments of "not meant to be" etc may be very hard on your relationship with your DM.

No way I'd tell anyone other than dp at this stage, I really wouldn't. He should be the first to know and we never told anyone else until after 12wks, apart from when I had a mc at 9 wks and had to tell my Mum as, by luck, she was staying with us at the time. I'm overseas as well, but you can break the news by Skype, too. That way, if there's a negative reaction, you can just swithc off! Very best of luck.

We were in a similar situation and I would wait to tell family. Skype is fine and without meaning to be negative a lot can happen between now and the scan. If you wouldn't tell your family about a MC I wouldn't tell them now.

Thank you so much for all your kind messages.
I am truly touched by how supportive all your responses have been.
Thanks to all your advice, I think I have the courage to stick with my instincts.
I'll wait until Wed to tell DP, then we can have a couple of weeks with our secret before facing the family!

Your DP has to be the first to know. Mine would be beyond hurt if I told someone else first. Agree about waiting until after the 12 week scan to tell family. A family member told everyone straight away, and then had a mmc. It made a sad situation so much worse for them.