Meltdown - time for antidepressants?

[Gingerbreadpixie]

I feel a bit of a failure posting this.

Basically I'm suffering from extreme worry and anxiety at the moment and also feeling incredibly alone.

Since finding out about my pg last week (am 5 weeks along) my joy and excitement has turned into extreme fear and stress. I am constantly on the phone to my doctor with worries about the baby being damaged etc, and even then struggle to be reassured.

The final straw came today at work when I found out workmen were painting the office next to mine today and the smell came wafting in. I had a freak-out over paint fumes to my HR dept earlier on the week and said I didn't want them round me and told them I was pg. They assured me all would be fine and that doors would be kept closed and windows open etc etc. When I discovered that wasn't the case today I freaked again, ended up in floods of tears with people looking at me like I was crazy and ended up sobbing my heart out in the middle of a busy street on the phone to my doctor. I'm going to see her next week and I think she's going to suggest antidepressants. I've had periods of my life of being on them before and the helped but I came off of them specifically to TTC.

So I now feel like a total failure, work think I'm nuts, DH thinks I'm nuts and so does my doctor

I'm exhausted and living in fear. Time to go back on the anti-ds?

You aren't a failure - early pg can be a stressful and worrying time, not to mention those pesky hormones raging around.

I think it's a good idea to talk to your DH about how you are feeling, and perhaps it wouldn't be a bad idea to start taking AD's again if only to help you to manage the mood swings etc.

I have spoken to DH and he's been around for several of my "meltdowns". He just keeps saying I need to stop worrying, it's no good for the baby etc. I'm even finding my mum no support. I know millions of women go through this all the time - some during wartime, some in incredibly poor circumstances. All REAL tough circumstances. I know I should be grateful for my little blessing and that just makes me feel guilty.

I'm going to ask my doctor if hypnosis, acupuncture, some other sort of therapy might help if it turn out ADs are risky.

Hi honey, just wanted to say you are not the only one going through this! I came off my anti depressants at about 14 weeks pregnant, thought i could do it, then after a while of going down hill with my anxiety and depression getting worse and worse and was CONSTANTLY worrying about everything and giving myself the worst headaches, at 28 weeks I just thought it would be in my and the babies best intentions to go back on them. As my doc said, the up and down moods are really not good for baby, and constantly worry and getting upset causes a lot more stress to baby then taking your anti ds.

And its horrible and makes it worse when people say dont stress its not good for the baby!!!! Cuz it makes you stress about not stressing!! Hahaha honestly hun just keep doing what your doing by talking to your doctor, try and get as much reassurance as possible but if you feel like you'd be better off on your anti d's then dont worry about going back on them!

Hope your okay xx

Oh, and you are def not a failure! Pregnancy is hard anyway, let alone having to come of tablets and having your mood change!!
Don't feel down or defeated. Everythings going to be fine

Thanks Kima. Its nice to have some encouragement :) This past week has been stressful. I think I'm developing OCD, especially around thoughts of "contamination" (listeria, salmonella,toxoplasma etc). I'm T1 diabetic and have some othe health issues too. It's all been getting in top of me and is exhausting. I ruined our NYE by refusing the dinner my DH had slaved over for hours as I was convinced the meat wasn't cooked properly and would give me toxo.

The only plus side is that today has been better and we actually managed to get out of the house and eat out. I had mostly just chips and a bit of salmon fishcake but it was nice to be out with DH. I listened to a pregnancy relaxation hypnosis cd which DID actually relax me for a bit and gave me a break from my own thoughts.

It sounds like you made the right choice with your anti ds. If this constant worrying goes past my first trimester I will go back on my pills (citalopram) as long as doc says its safe.

Ginger! Oh chick! I can't remember if you mentioned this on our diabetes thread but I've touched on my anxiety a few times there - I post mainly in the mental health topic about it through when I'm feeling really bad. It helps a lot as there are a lot of people going through similar things.

My anxiety started after birth of DS who is now 19 months and during this pregnancy (a lovely 'surprise') it hasn't resolved.

Off memory this is your first pregnancy? Remember you are quite unique in that the responsibility piled on top of you due to the diabetes would send anyone potty. Honestly. I would watch other pregnant friends during my first pregnancy waft through things and think 'If only you knew,'. The constant guilt, the checking, the hunger...it's a true test of endurance. If you are already prone to anxiety as you say then it's the blue touch paper. The stress then spills over to other things like your OCD. I, for example, have become absolutely paranoid about my insulin doses thinking I've taken it twice, taken too much. I have to get DH to check and even then panic even though logically I know it's fine.

I know EXACTLY what you mean about living in fear as it's what I've done for the last two years! A combination of wonky hormones and the intense stress of a diabetic pregnancy. I wasn't that long diagnosed either when I became pregnant for the first time - an ordeal in itself. What about you? When were you diagnosed?

My anxiety has improved in the second trimester as everything settles down a bit.

Please talk on here as it really is a lifeline. But honestly what you're going through is normal. It would be normal for a 'normal' pregnant woman but please don't underestimate the extra strain you're being put under. Consiously or unconsciously it will affect things. x

Hi puds. Sorry to hear about your anxiety too. It's so tiring isn't it?

It is my first pg and still so early! I am a fairly new diabetic. It's only been 3 years. And within that 3 years I've also had a cone biopsy on my cervix, discovered hypothyroidism, lost my little sister to an eating disorder, all on top of the diabetes. And on top of that I have a very stressful and demanding job. In fact I have to tell my boss I'm pg today, at only 5+5 because my diabetes/natal appts fall on our busiest day of the week at work and unless I tell her the likelihood is I would have great difficulty getting the time off for them. So that puts me in a potentially vulnerable position at work too!

Thanks for the support. It's much appreciated and although not nice to hear of others having a hard time too, it is good to know I'm not the only one. Right now I just want to keep this little seed of a baby safe and protected. X

Ginger honestly you're a prime candidate for anxiety. After I had DS it was like a checklist of things that had mounted up to cause the breakdown I had - diabetes diagnosis (only 3 years for me too), stress at work, moving house, diabetic pregnancy, new baby. Etc etc. We can only take so much stuff.

Now you just need to take each moment at a time and try not to worry about stress causing the baby any harm - mine wouldn't have survived if that was the case!

I'm here if you need an anonymous sounding board as I know this stuff is hard to broach in real life.

Are you having any time to yourself? To relax? I've found popping on the headphones and heading on a brisk walk really helps - particularly if I'm stressed after a high reading. Clears the mind and so good for you and the baby.

I'm so, so sorry about your little sister.

Thanks puds, that's very kind of you.

When I actually list everything like that I see there has been a lot to cope with and plenty of issues to be concerned about during pg. I am trying not to stress and being back at work has taken my mind off things a bit. Although I'm on a late shift today and not looking forward to this evening much. For starters, I don't know what to eat! Work usually provide an evening meal but it's diabetic-unfriendly at the best of times. I'll have to pop to the supermarket in my break.

Telling boss was fine, so that's one thing less to worry over with my appointments etc.

I work long hours during the week but I always take a full hour lunchbreak so I can pop the headphones on and go for a walk then. At least I'm not on my feet all day.

Despite how it sounds this little one is very much wanted and I'm hoping once I get past the first trimester I will relax a bit more and actually enjoy it, or parts of it at least!! (hold on tight little seedling!!)

When I was pregnant I used to worry about everything. This is you doing your job as a mum, so well done. The thing you need to do is remind yourself though, that everything is fine and that you really need to relax and stay calm -- that is the best thing you can do right now for your baby.

The other thing is to tell you to try to enjoy this time....you will never have it again, and it is such a special time for you and your baby, so doent let yourself not enjoy and appreciate it.

That little seedling will be fine! Hope to chat on here soon .

Hi there, well I can say it is normal to worry when pregnant. I'm going through the same thing but it only started in my 5th month of pregnancy, my problem is having negative thoughts and being scared I might loose my baby even though everything is going fine. The baby is kicking and playing and has no problem the only person with a problem is me and yes when you tell people all they seem to say is stop worrying and not helping. I'm thinking of talking to another doctor about this. Any1 else experiencing this???

Hi there, well I can say it is normal to worry when pregnant. I'm going through the same thing but it only started in my 5th month of pregnancy, my problem is having negative thoughts and being scared I might loose my baby even though everything is going fine. The baby is kicking and playing and has no problem the only person with a problem is me and yes when you tell people all they seem to say is stop worrying and not helping. I'm thinking of talking to another doctor about this. Any1 else experiencing this???

Hi, sorry you are feeling like this at the moment. You are doing the right thing by going to see your dr. I have suffered with anxiety for several years. My dr told me to stop taking sertraline when I got pregnant, I decided to ignore his advice and continue with it at a low dose as I knew I wouldn't cope. I have seen numerous drs and consultants in the 1st half of this pregnancy ( due to hyperemesis and a pregnancy related cyst) and none of them think taking sertraline is a problem. It's obviously best to avoid medication if you can ... But anxiety itself may threaten your baby. So consider antidepressants and also ask to be referred to a mental health service for pregnant ladies... There are lots of changes to cope with during pregnancy and all those hormones can pay havoc on your emotions. Don't forget what you are experiencing is quite normal and you are certainly not nuts... Just emotional and pregnant! I would recommend some relaxation CDs and plenty of rest too. Good luck and keep us posted, you will find plenty of support here.

Thanks for the replies. Had I known this was coming I wouldn't have come off my citalopram prior to TTC. But now I have I am going to try to continue without them with the help of a counsellor and relaxation CDs. My doctor agrees we'll see how I go. She helped settle my fears a bit today, especially the food ones. But I was hoping she'd give me a toxoplasmosis test. However, she said that she didn't think it was worth it as apparently it's so rare. Maybe she just didnt want to indulge my irrational worries?? i might get a second opinion on that from my consultant at the hospital next week though. Especially as I'm visiting Belgium soon and concerned about eating out there.

Honestly I know worry. I had a breakdown today - a big one - as I'm convinced I have cancer (I have had three GPs tell me it's not - a lump under my arm). But I will not settle until the ultrasound I have on Tuesday. I had to literally beg and plead for it and the GP has said he's only doing it for my peace of mind.

I sympathise so much as no amount of people reassuring you will stop the worrying which just totally takes over.

I will try and assure you though - taxo is SO, SO rare. I had a small bout of worrying about it but too as was eating a lot of not so safe foods like chorizo, runny eggs, Parma ham etc etc as wasn't prepared to deny myself any more food than I already have to being a T1er!

Xx

Oh puds, I'm sorry to hear you're having such a crap time

Im sure the 3 GPs you saw were right but In your situation I would have begged for the ultrasound too. Or gone private if absolutely necessary. I'm even considering getting a private toxo test so I know one way or another.

It's so exhausting when your worrying mind just won't let you rest. I'm seeing a counsellor and we're working on CBT. I don't know if it'll work but I'm going to try my best with it.

Hope you have a nice evening, try to be kind to yourself and speak to you on here soon

Xx