Being left alone in labour

[apachepony]

Thought I would ask mumsnet jury this one in its collective wisdom. I might go into labour when dsd is here. Whatever about during the day, if it happens at night, can't really expect her mother to come pick her up. Dh did pick up when her mum went into labour but don't think it was middle of night & not sure favour would be reciprocated in any event. It would be about a 45 min round trip for dh to drop her at her mum's house. My inclination is to have him do this while I labour at home. But friends who have recently given birth are adamant i shouldn't be left alone. One of them had v quick labour. I would rather not go into hospital early as it has quite a high rate of interventions as it is. Hospital is only 5 - 10 mins drive from our house. We don't have any family here to help out. Dh has yet to speak to ex about arrangements despite my pestering!
So are problems being made out of nothing? Am I fine to be left alone for up to an hour?

How old is she?

Is this your first baby? If so it's unlikely to be that quick - I think the average for a first baby is something like 9-10 hours maybe? Mine was 8.

If it's a second child that's a bit more tricky as they can be a lot faster.

I think your plan sounds Ok if it's your first baby.

It's my first baby. Think friend's advice may be coloured by fact she started contractions at 2.30 and gave birth by 6.30 I think - first baby.I'm carrying a big baby though so unlikely to be so quick! Friend has offered to come over but I don't really feel I know her well enough... I don't really mind the idea of labouring in peace for an hour but wondered if there were risks I was missing.

I'm not sure there are any actual risks - presumably if you started having definite problems, like bleeding or something, you would have to call an ambulance - but otherwise it may well start very slowly, on and off, giving you plenty of notice to get dsd to another location.

It is unusual to have a first baby within 4 hours. My second was 3.5 hours and that was thought of as very fast even for a second one. So thechances are you will be Ok for time.

If not then it's good you've a friend near who may be able to take dsd off your hands for a while - would she do this? It's important that older children feel reassured, how well does she know dsd? If not very well, then it may be best if friend stays with you, and your H takes dsd home as fast as he can.

People like being at births - I had a friend turn up at my second, which was at home, and she kept on at me to do it again as she enjoyed it so much!

I think that you would most likely have plenty of time, even if established labour is normally 8 hours for first pregnancy, contractions start before that and can last 24 hours irregularly before baby comes, you should have plenty of notice.

You may also get nesting instinct, and uncontrollable urge to clean and organise which you will think is totally normal, 2 days before hand!

How old is dsd? She may be ok sleeping until her mum can get her in the morning?

Dsd is 9. Waiting to morning would be preferable, but we would be screwed if had a fast labour and not sure her mum would pick her up then. Morning traffic would also be slower. Dsd has never met friend and I'm not sure I know her well enough to be comfortable calling her over. Maybe need to think of a different friend...hate that my family so far away!

I don't see why it's unreasonable to ask the girl's mum to come and get her. It's not as if its going to be a regular occurrence!

I was adamant whilst pregnant that I wouldn't want to be left alone at all and would badly need dh there.

As it happened I woke up early in the morning with mild labour pains and got all wierdly cavewoman and secretive about it. I cannot explain why but I wanted to be on my own so smiled and waved dh off to work an hours drive away! I didn't tell him for several hours and even then I forbade him to come home. I just told him to wrap up loose ends as he woyldn't be back for a while!

As it happened I finally went to hospital 18 hours after labour started at 9 1/2 cms dialated. I don't think you need to rock up at hospital with the first twinge.

You'd probably be fine. I had no use for anyone at my homebirth until I needed someone to catch DS! Just take some sensible precautions - stay downstairs with your hospital bag ready to go & keep a phone & a pen & paper near you. That way you can call an ambulance & easily get to the door if need be & leave a note for your DH if you did need to go in quickly so he'd know where you'd gone!

I had my first baby within an hour of first painful contraction but my waters had broke the week before and I was having crampy period like pains for a few days before

Hmmm, sounds like my friend's experience was v unusual then. I think though I will ask him to drop in middle of night rather than wait til morning though not ideal obviously for dsd! I'm not an overly anxious person, the hospital is v close, and there is an animal part of me likes the idea of quietly going on with it by myself for a little while (ha, maybe I've been listening to my hypnobirthing thing too much, may not be quiet at all!) dsd is here too much to just ban her from overnights for a month (given I could pop anytime between 28 and 42 weeks) although if there's snow or ice which would slow things it might be best if she avoids coming here those nights

I'd have a back-up just in case. My waters went at midnight and I was fully dilated and ready to push at 4:45 so first labours can be quicker then you'd expect

I second what pogobob said, first labours usually take a while but not always and you have no way of knowing how long it will take beforehand! My first labour was 3 1/2 hours and I thought I would want to be left to it but got quite panicky when dh left the room.

Could you ask a neighbour to sit with dsd if things start happening quickly?

First and only labour lasted 2.5 hours, however I would have loved to have been left alone instead of having everyone in the world annoying the hell out of me.

Her mum sounds unreasonable if she won't pick up in an emergency.

With my first, my waters broke at home in the evening. They were filled with meconium (green slime which can indicate that baby is distressed) so when I phoned the hospital I was told to get there immediately. My friend had a similar experience with her first when her waters broke with red blood in.

Not trying to scare you there! Just thinking of other instances where you might need to go straight to hospital.

Perhaps you could ask your friend that you've mentioned or a neighbour to be on call to come over incase of a nighttime labour? Then DSD can just stay where she is (hopefully sleeping soundly in bed!) and bioMum can pick her up in the morning?

We're in a similar position - bioMum's house is only about 5 minutes walk away BUT she spends 60%-70% of her time at her boyfriend's house, which is in another country, different time zone, 3 hr flight away. (There's another whole thread in that sentence, but I digress!) Basically she just won't be 'on call' for DSC if we need to hit the hospital in the middle of the night. Our plan is to ask a neighbour to come over until MIL can get here (1.5 hrs drive away). This way the DSC won't have to be woken and transported - they can stay asleep and GM will be here when they get up in the morning. Not perfect, but hopefully easier on DSC.

I did Hypnobirthing - be aware that it is quite common for Hypnobirthing mums to have faster than average labours, at least that's what I understand from the teacher we had when I was pregnant with DD (she's also a very experienced senior midwife, so speaks from true experience rather than just Hypnobirthing promotion). My first baby (DD) went from zero contractions to fully dilated in 4.5 hours, I would have been fine on my own for the first hour or two though.

Can you ask DSD's mum to choose between: DSD not staying overnight during the month that you're due until after the new baby is born or agreeing that she will come and collect her if you go into labour? Or come and sit in the house with her (do you have a spare room that you can make up or at least a spare bed so that if she comes over, she can just sleep rather than get DSD up and make the return journey?)

We've arranged for a neighbour to come and get DD when I go into labour (am 34+2 with DC2) as we wouldn't want to wait whilst either my DMum or the ILs faff around and drive here!!!

Thanks for all your thoughts. Dh will need to speak to dsd's mum - my instinct is that it wouldn't be the best for dsd's relationship with new baby to prevent her staying overnight for a month - and I imagine her mum wouldn't be at all happy with that either - but maybe reduce overnights once I reach my due date, and ask ex to pick up if need be. Also suggested to dh that he ask one if his close friends, who we all know well, to be emergency back up. I cannot imagine labouring with dsd's mum in the house, that would not be conducive to trying to relax!