Stress and anxiety during pregnancy

[LittlePickleHead]

I'm 21 weeks currently, and just over a week ago found out that my company are, basically, trying to screw me over with regards to my contract (I'm not 100% positive ill still be employed by time mat leave kicks in, though that's worst case scenario).

This was completely out of the blue and in the last week I have felt physical effects that I'm getting concerned about. I've had insomnia and racing heart a lot of the time. Then last couple of days I've had a really tight and sore bump. I'm going to docs tomorrow, but just wondered if anyone else had been through similar? How did you get through it and can it damage the baby? There is a chance of having to sue if it all goes badly and I'm just not sure how I would cope with it. Can't face the thought of then getting away with it either...

Oh, and I should prob mention that I know there is the option of being signed off but I am kinky contracted to get stat sick pay (£86 - week) so not sure I can afford that either.

Just need to cope and possibly bring the start of mat leave forward - if I make it that far.

Would really appreciate any advice

Omg not sure how the word kinky got in there! But that's one thing I'm definitely not at the moment

What are your company doing? Maybe we could give some practical advice in terms of that.
In terms of your baby, sure it will be ok but speak to your MW rather than worrying x

It's really complicated and I've had legal advice about it. Bare bones are, joined v small company in feb. was bought out by a new company in April, and terms carried over as part of TUPE regulations (three days a week on quite decent money). All going fine, good feedback from my department etc. mid Nov I announce pregnancy to wider company (my bosses already knew and advised me to hold back telling the company). Last Monday I am told that the big bosses of wider company (who I don't work directly with) have decided I need to work full time for same pay. In essence a removal of my flexible working and 40% pay cut. Oh, and apparently they have been told to sort it by January. I've had nothing official yet, but we have a meeting on Friday (day before Christmas break, thanks for that). They wouldn't move it to jan, so I have to come in on my day off.

Apparently they want to reach a compromise but I'm not sure what. I know that any change to my contract requires my consent, which I will not give at the moment considering I am planning on going on mat leave in just over two months. I know they are on shaky ground with regards to removing flexible working (indirect sex discrimination) and they are breaking TUPE regulations, not to mention the suspect timing of it all with regards to my pregnant announcement.

I just feel so panicky every time I think about it. I love my job, my bosses rate me and are happy. It just seems that without fully knowing everything I do, the wider company has decided I'm a liability and are trying to either get me to accept shit conditions, or force me out.

There is more to it but that's the gist

Thanks Lunatic, glad to hear your ds was ok. its reassuring though I can't help feeling worried especially with the tightening/soreness in my bump. Baby is moving though so that is good.

I'm just finding it really hard, especially nights like tonight when I'm on my own. My heart is continuously racing and I occasionally find it hard to catch my breath. Can't relax and noting on tv to take my mind off.

Oh little, i recognise those symptoms. I spent a lot of my pregnant nights wishing my heart would calm down. Some nights the anxiety meant I needed to keep a light on to sleep. No idea why that helped, but go hum, it did. My anxiety wasn't work related though. In fact I have no idea what was causing it.

I am currently typing this one handedly because I am breastfeeding my 5 week old baby. All those anxiety filled nights have had no apparent affect on him!

I hope the work issue resolves a d you manage to relax. Good luck x

It's worth remembering that as the baby grows, your lungs have less room, so you can get out of breath easily. So may be a physical thing rather than a psychological one iyswim.

I had ante-natal anxiety/depression in both pregnancies. Both children are absolutely fine. I saw my GP early on who referred me to the local mental health team who were brilliant. Got lots of support.

I made the choice to take anti depressants in pregnancy. Also the usual good mental health stuff - eat well, get enough sleep, exercise, spend time doing things you enjoy.

Good luck.

This may not help you at all as it isn't remotely related to the job situation (which sounds rotten, by the way, I'm really sorry they're being such you-know-whats) BUT I have had a few issues with occasional extreme anxiety during my pregnancy so far. (currently 27w) I am an anxious person anyway so I guess it was always bound to happen (honestly I'm amazed I've even managed as well as I have!)

I had some really bad nights around 20 weeks when I would wake with PGP-related pain in my hips and then just instantly the panic would kick in about EVERYTHING ELSE. Stuff I wasn't even worried about in the light of day sometimes too. I also had a terrible night a week ago when I woke up in a panic about who much there is to do before baby arrives, finances, moving house etc and had palpitations, I just could NOT take my mind off it and then got worried that I was hurting the baby somehow...

My not-very-good advice, I think, for when you wake in the night or can't sleep, is just to try v v hard to find something that WILL distract you. For me, it is DVDs of Friends - ordinary TV doesn't do it (and there's nothing decent on at 3am anyway) but Friends is the thing that soothes me. I occasionally find that radio can help as well, if I am just too exhausted to actually get out of bed and go and put a DVD on in the living room. It takes a while but eventually I am distracted enough to stop thinking about stuff - and I imagine this is all you really want to do. You have all day to actually think things through but at night you can't 'do' anything and it is just pure stress.

Distraction, distraction, distraction would be my advice. :) Whatever that may take for you!

So sorry to hear you are having a tough time but honestly don't worry too much, the worst thing you can do is then to start worrying about the effect on baby. You are already a good mother because you take things like your job/future seriously. Just remember that and don't beat yourself up for reacting quite understandably to a very nasty source of stress.

Thanks for all the messages. Just having replies helps (I know that sounds lame!)

Emerald, we don't have a tv in our room so I do resort to mnetting on my phone. Doesn't always work though. Was awake 12.30 to 4am the other night. Then I have been spending the next day feeling like I've been punched in the face, which then exacerbated the heart/breath thing even more.

I'm just gutted this is tainting the run up to christmas. I was so looking forward to it, now all I can think about is the meeting and how, if it's bad news, it's going to affect my mood over that time

plus the fact I am also expected to work over the Christmas period but it still hasn't been confirmed exactly when! just feels like its all getting a bit too much.

Im with you, 28 weeks, getting the sack, panicking about everything. My sister had a v stressful pregnancy and swore by preggy yoga.

Oh no fergus I'm so sorry to hear its happening to you as well. Why are you getting the sack? It's just an awful feeling isn't it.

I think pregnancy yoga would help, was also thinking about Pilates. At the moment I seem to have lost the energy to do anything. Not like me at all, but the house is a mess and we've hardly any food in, just can't think enough to do it. Not sure how ill get the motivation to exercise but I need to do something

littlePickle - I tend to actually get up and go into the living room to watch TV, feels less pressure to sleep if I just drop off on the sofa IYSWIM, plus I have an annoyingly light sleeper for a DH who wakes up and unintentionally makes me feel guilty if I have woken him with TV. I think also it's meant to be better to get up and leave the bedroom if you're struggling to sleep - technically this probably means go and read a good book somewhere or something but a DVD is all I can manage! Still think it helps to get out of bed though.

Otherwise I think you have to try to take everything one little step at a time. It sounds like you are feeling overwhelmed and this is very similar to (if not actually depression. Not saying you are depressed! Just saying it sounds the way I have felt when depressed in the past - no energy or motivation to do anything, which makes you feel worse because you haven't done anything etc etc...

Maybe just set one little goal for yourself each day that will make you feel better. One goal only! Maybe a quick trip to get food in as that will make you feel more on top of things. Or if you can face it a brief 10-min tidy. (Can't believe I'm sugggesting tidying as I loathe it but I also know how it can get you down if you feel the place is a mess!) No more than that. Just a little something to feel that you have some control over things.

THere is a great preg yoga DVD by Tara Lee, she has some v short options on there to do if you only have a few mins, eg breathing exercises. TBH often I have been too stressed to even get through the exercises and felt no less shit during it (awful when she tells you that you shoudl be feeling serene at this point!) but still probably felt better for a while after

Was going to start a thread about stress in pregnancy too. Am 22weeks and stressed about how stressed I am

I get the heart racing thing and utterly exhausted but can't sleep. Stress isn't work related but personal life related. More tired I am more nauseous I feel. It's horrible. Will read the other posts properly later but op hope your job situation improves.

As bad as it sounds I am so glad not to be the only one suffering with anxiety, insomnia, sweats, racing heart, tight tummy and generally feeling miserable. I have been so worried about the harm I am causing the baby but the negative thoughts have been awful and a vicious circle of not sleeping and then being so exhausted I can't think straight.
I just have to remind myself this has got to be hormone related as I'm just not me.
Op- good luck with your meeting, I don't see how they can increase your hours and not pay more. I wouldn't agree to anything on the day and also mention if you've not had a pregnancy risk assessment. I think every company has to do one and in it you can state an increase of hours is detrimental. I think they are on very shaky ground. Hope all goes better than you think. X

pickle, my boss is gaslighting me big time. Got a formal warning for allowing IT to upgrade my system....lots of petty stuff. Everybody tells me not to worry, baby more important etc, but i just dont want to be sacked (especially for spurious reasons). Can do without the headache. Grievance in place, wont make it to mat leave.
All you can do is keep rehydrated, feet up, deep beathing etc.

Oh little I'm sorry, I remember you posting about your work issue before - what a nightmare for you. I really hope that it gets resolved for you very soon xx Can you make an appt to see your GP tomorrow after the meeting to get signed off with pg related stress at least to give you a break over Christmas. Then speak to your MW to set your mind at rest about the baby. Pg yoga may be a good idea, at least it might give you some gentle relaxation tips and exercises you could try.

I'm sorry to hear you ladies are having such an anxious time too. I've been up since 2am with wild racing thoughts and its happening more frequently. My anxiety is about work (but not as bad as OP) and birthing opinions/concerns/NHS/fear if hospital issues...great fun as I'm only 22 weeks as well. Glad to know I'm not alone (even if we all look like zombies today!). I do have anxiety generally and have been able to manage it so far...I wonder if there's a hormone shift around 20 weeks too? I'm trying to get back onto the pregnancy relaxation and yoga, but so hard to get motivated when so tired.

I found acupuncture helps a lot with stress and have been getting it all through pregnancy (20 weeks today!). I also had a stressful employment situation which won't really be resolved or clearer until Feb so I know where you are coming from. Life will all change when baby comes along so even if you makes plans now which seem to solve problems it may all change! I believe babies can do that to best laid plans...good luck and find time for acupuncture, it will help you focus on what matters x

Can't believe there are so many of us here feeling awful. Fergus that sounds horrendous. This is my second child and my employer last time was fantastic so it's come as a real shock to realise just how shitty people can be in the face of a pregnancy woman. With most people a natural protective instinct kicks in, but maybe out bosses just hate women? I don't know

To add to it all, DH didn't come home last night. Nothing sinister (i dont think) he fell asleep in the train and ended up far away (we live in London) so checked into a hotel. I only know this by calling him at 2.30, not sure he would have told me otherwise. I had to call him 10 minutes ago as he's suppose to be at work and I'd heard nothing. Lo and behold I woke him up. I just said 'good you are alive' and hung up. He hasn't called back.

I am totally gutted he could do this to me when he knows what state I'm in at the moment. We even had a conversation at the beginning of the night where I said I didn't want to stop his fun, but to be careful. He called me at 10pm completely hammered and slurring so obviously didn't listen to a word.

So today I have that added on top of everything. Not sure what to say to him really. I just feel so gutted he apparently cares so little.

On the plus, dd slept in til 8.30 so I've managed to claw back a bit of sleep!

Doctors at 11.30. Does anyone know, can they write a note of recommendation? Ie I'd like her to say that an increase to my hours would be detrimental, and I should go on mat leave earlier, that might possibly help x

Hi sorry to hear about your OH that must be so stressful to deal with. Anyway, I hope your dr helped, they can definitely do a fit note and state not to increase hours. You are allowed to start maternity now from 11 weeks before maternity but that would come off your entitlement of time off which you'll want with. Quite frankly, I hope he signed you off and you get to stay off until your maternity start date. I know my company cannot touch anyone with a pregnancy related condition. I get SPD and the dr wanted to sign me off but I said I would go in so he put reduced hours on the note. Occ health saw me and wrote that there was no way of saying what I could and could not do so I was reduced to 4 hours a day and left earlier if necessary with no affect to my pay. That was from 20 weeks. It's discrimination to penalise a pregnant woman so make sure your dr states pregnancy related and stay off. I started my maternity at 8 weeks before due date and glad I did as all this anxiety/ sleepless nights is not helping.

It's not easy, but I'd say you need to find someone to take the stress burden off your shoulders for you eg a legal advisor or union rep or something. I say this because I've has a mare of a week. I'm currently locked in battle with social services (not in UK) over the disability support services they are duty bound to provide and are refusing. It's currently going through appeal at the county court. Yesterday a lawyer friend of my husband has stepped in to act on behalf. He's taken away all the paperwork and I can now sit back and leave it all to him. I literally feel like a weight has been lifted off me. I slept last night for the first time in a week.

Well doctor didn't seem to think she could do a fit note?? She said because some people could work full time in pregnancy she can't say that, and the only thing to do is to remove me from the point of stress so she's signed me off for pregnancy related anxiety. not sure I can take it though, scared to (I never take time off!) and it would literally be dropping my colleagues I work with in the shit.

Had free 20 mins chat with a solicitor this afternoon which was really helpful so I feel more confident of how to handle the meeting tomorrow.

Spanner in the works is that my daughter is now really sick so I'm not sure I'll actually get nursery to take her tomorrow. Now that's stressing me out as not sure of repercussions if I don't do this meeting. Argh!!!

So want this all to be over so I can relax again.