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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

8 weeks til my due date and loosing sleep over guilt

11 replies

Cupcakemummy85 · 16/12/2012 10:12

Hi all, I'm 32 weeks and I have a dd who is 17 months and I'm feeling so so guilty about having another baby. I feel a bit as for my daughter as she really enjoys her cuddles and it's always me she wants. I'm feeling guilty about not being there for her when I'm giving birth. Is this normal or am I being a bit crazy!

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ScarfHatSunglasses · 16/12/2012 10:27

Totally normal. I cried for my first ds as he was only 15 months when ds2 came along. But it was the best thing ever for him as they're so close now (5 and 4 yo). It'll be busy but children are accepting. Dont assume there will be jealousy and upset. Ds1 barely noticed a thing Hmm

Good luck!

Numbthumbs · 16/12/2012 19:33

Im 35 weeks and feel exactly the same. My DD is also 17 months and is going through a lovely clingy and kissy phase with me at the mo, definately not so much with DP. Maybe they know?

I tell DD about the baby in my tummy and this week she has started to give my tummy a kiss and say babeeeeeee with a big smile. Im panicking about what im going to do with her when i go into labour more!!

Congrats

PogoBob · 16/12/2012 23:13

I'm exacly the same, DD is 28mo now and I'm 38 weeks with DS. I've never left DD over night and am having real panic attacks about how she will cope.

She will be with PIL (she adores MIL) whilst I am in labour and DH will obviously be with her if I have to stay in the hospital overnight but still worry that she will feel abandoned.

She will probably see the whole thing as some adventure and not miss me at all!

Cupcakemummy85 · 19/12/2012 22:13

My dd is going through a very clingy phase too and is strangely attached to my boobs all of a sudden. It's weird because I haven't bf her since she was about eight months but she always wants to put her hand down my top when she is tired or upset lol. It's things like this make me feel bad. How will she respond to another baby getting attention from me. Will she wonder if she was enough for me and why I had another baby.
Now I have friends telling me how hard they r finding it having two dc so close together. I'm really worried!!!! My dd is a sensitive child and I love her so much I don't want her being upset or hating me or the baby :(

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musttidyupBeforeSantaComes · 19/12/2012 22:22

It will be fine. After a day or two it will become normal. Try not to fret. DC1 will still be your baby, your first baby. Smile

Jenny70 · 19/12/2012 22:25

Completely normal,here is a poem I found (I didn't write it!) that summarised exactly how I felt and how I feel now:

Loving Two

I walk along holding your little hand, basking in the glow of our magical relationship. Suddenly I feel a kick from within, as if to remind me that our time alone is limited. And I wonder: how could I ever love another child as I love you?

Then she is born, and I watch you. I watch the pain you feel at having to share me as you've never shared me before.

I hear you telling me in your own way, "Please love only me." And I hear myself telling you in mine, "I can't," knowing, in fact, that I never can again.

You cry. I cry with you. I almost see our new baby as an intruder on the precious relationship we once shared. A relationship we can never quite have again.

But then, barely noticing, I find myself attached to that new being, and feeling almost guilty. I'm afraid to let you see me enjoying him--as though I am betraying you.

But then I notice your resentment change, first to curiosity, then to protectiveness, finally to genuine affection.

More days pass, and we are settling into a new routine. The memory of days with just the two of us is fading fast.

But something else is replacing those wonderful times we shared, just we two. There are new times---only now, we are three. I watch the love between you grow, the way you look at each other, touch each other.

I watch how she adores you--as I have for so long. I see how excited you are by each of her new accomplishments. And I begin to realize that I haven't taken something from you, I've given something to you. I notice that I am no longer afraid to share my love openly with both of you.

I find that my love for each of you is as different as you are, but equally strong. And my question is finally answered, to my amazement. Yes, I can love another child as much as I love you--only differently.

And although I realize that you may have to share my time, I now know you'll never share my love. There's enough of that for both of you---you each have your own supply.

I love you---both. And I thank you both for blessing my life

Ameybee · 19/12/2012 22:39

I have DD 3 and DS 12wk & felt the same but someone reminded me that although DD may have lost a bit of my time she has gained a beautiful sibling who she adores most of the time, made me think about it differently xx

Cupcakemummy85 · 22/12/2012 08:44

That's a lovely way to think about it. I'm starting to panic about everything now. How my dd will cope without me, how I will cope with two. The grandparents haven't really spent enough time with her to know what her routine is apart from my mum and my mil refuses to stick to my rules for my dd. mil is so stubborn, she is really old school and won't except how I do things. Maybe that's where some of my worry is coming from

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leannac · 22/12/2012 11:26

I'm 30w with 19 month old daughter & its actually making me cry quite a lot that it'll never be just her & I again. That poem made me cry too. Silly hormones. In the long run its got to be better for them to have siblings & so lovely for us too. The adjustment period is just going to be really hard for all of us! Clearly all first borns can sense something is up as my dd extra clingy to me at the moment too!

GingerJulep · 22/12/2012 16:23

I was thrilled when my sister arrived... still remember being taken out and allowed to choose the new baby a teddy for when it arrived.

Being left with grandparents was great (ate way more satsumas than usually allowed and stayed up late but no disasters).

I was just 2 and it was over 30 years ago but I still remember it now!

Seriously, if you make it a positive thing for your eldest ('we're going to give you a little brother/sister' rather than 'we're having a replacement you') they'll probably be thrilled (most of the time, anyway!). It certainly seems to work that way with families of friends :-)

inadreamworld · 22/12/2012 18:17

Am 37 weeks with no 2 and DD is 20 months. I am also worried about leaving her with my Mum when I am in hospital giving birth as I have never left her with anyone for longer than a couple of hours. Hope I have a very short labour!!

I do think it will be great for DD to have a sister (new baby is a girl) as I am an only child and always wanted siblings. Don't be worried you won't have enough love for both of them - you definitely will!!!

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