Extreme anxiety about stillbirth...now 36 weeks. Help...

[octanegirl]

I don't think this is normal...I'm extremely concerned about my baby dying in utero. I'm not sure why..perhaps because of the news item recently about the UK having a really high stillbirth rate, partly because a family member had a stillbirth recently at 39 weeks, partly I suppose because due date close now and it's at the forefront of my mind.
I wake up at night and can't get back to sleep for worry, spending hours and hours wide awake. Not helped by the fact that the movements are less violent now (and therefore less noticeable).
It occupies my mind for a significant part of the day as well now.
There are still 4 weeks to go and I really don't know how to cope with this constant anxiety....

Aww OP - I think it is pretty normal (or I am abnormal too!). I got completely fixated by this in the latter stages of my first pregnancy (also have family who have lost babies very late and in infancy). I am pregnant again and think that it just brings out the worst in me in terms of anxiety - I am currently completely obsessed by toxoplasmosis.

I'm not quite sure how to deal with that kind of anxiety as I didn't manage to get rid of it last time and probably won't this time either. I sometimes think talking to someone in real life about your fears can help and get the risk in proportion.

I wouldn't worry too much about the movement being less obvious though, I think this is due to the baby having much less space. If you do happen to feel less movements then lie very still or drink a glass of very cold water and see if that helps prompt it. I know reading on the internet can be scary but I think there is some pretty sound advice on what to be vigilant about regarding still birth.

My sympathies. A friend in our NCT group had a still birth (she was the first in the group to give birth. I was the last of 7). Everyone was mega worried. It's natural especially if you knew that person and there was 'nothing wrong'....

We found that prodding our bellies and drinking a sugary drink (coke or lemonade or tea with sugar) would help encourage baby to move and so 'assure' us that baby was still about.

Good luck. Not long to go!!!

Hi Octane - I'm a week behind you and get some anxiety about this too. I sometimes imagine how I would feel if it happened and cannot imagine ever recovering. Because I'm 41 I probably hear a few more scare stories from doctors and MWs too as they recommend inducing after 40 weeks due to higher risk of stillbirth.

Really sorry to hear the anxiety is affecting your sleep - can you speak to your MW to get some reassurance? Hope you manage to get through the final few weeks without getting too stressed - as Rufous said, make sure you keep talking as that will help. Good luck - we will be both be meeting our babies soon

This worries me soooo much too, I'm 36+4 and my sister had a SB at 38 weeks like you I wake at night & can't sleep, I just need to feel baby constantly......mine is a wriggler so that helps! I spoke In depth to my MW about it as I also worried that my worrying wouldn't be good for baby! She reassured me that just because it happened to my sister doesn't mean it will happen to me & she also said most pregnant women worry about it so we're not alone!
I'm sure you'll be fine, good luck.....not long now till you meet your precious little one, I can't wait to meet mine x

How you getting on? x

My first DD was stillborn and I am now 27 weeks pregnant with DD2 so as you can imagine the possibility of a stillbirth is a reality for me and pretty much haunts me every second of every day. However for me it helps to acknowledge that it does happen and it can happen to you (the statistics can't be ignored unfortunately) but actually even if this is something that may happen to you, it is far more important to focus on the precious moments you are getting to spend with your LO now while you are pregnant and they are alive. Its the same as if your child dies at any age. When I feel the panic or wake in the night worrying, I take a deep breath and then remind myself that my daughter is here with me at this point in time and I am going to enjoy spending time with her now while I still can. The memories I have of the time I had with my DD1 while I was pregnant with her are so incredibly precious that I know I can't waste the time I have with DD2 worrying about the possibility that she may also die.

It's something that really worries me too, I've also known peole have a stillbirth or lost a child during or shortly after birth and although I shouldn't I do focus on those and not the ones who have a healthy baby.

I think it's all part of motherhood, worry, I worried about whether there would be a baby there at the 12 week scan, then again for the 16 week gender scan, the run up to the 20 week scan was awful because I felt even closer to her after finding out the sex and was convinced something awful would be picked up at the anomaly scan and now at 28 weeks I fret if I haven't felt her for a few hours.

I assume we will feel the same once they are here, worry about cot death, worry about their development, worry about their first day at school etc. All we can do is our best, keep ourselves healthy, eat well, avoid unnecessary risks and put faith in our bodies to keep our babies safe and well.

I suppose so. I keep reminding myself that common things occur commonly and to be positive. It's somewhat reassuring to know I'm not the only one, but it still a very stressful time. He kicks me regularly so I guess I just have to keep taking each day as it comes now. 36+5 now...

The stillbirth rate is 1 in 200, I'd have thought some of that number would be aware of issues with the pregnancy such as diabetes or pre-eclampsia which apparently raise your risk or a problem with the baby that could cause it. Obviously there are people that have stillbirths after complication free pregnancies and for no-known cause, but you have a 99.5% chance of having your baby if the 1 in 200 is right.

It is a very very sad thing that happens, I can't imagine how you get through it, but I suppose you just do somehow. I worry about it too, but I try and think of the chances being small, I make sure I go to all of my appointments and try and be healthy. Sadly there isn't anything else you can do. FX we are never touched by this and that next year we will be holding our babies, our chances are good.

Thanks for posting this thread, it has been reassuring to know I'm not the only person worrying. This is my DC4 and I don't remember worrying as much as this in the other 3 pregnancies. I think as you get older you hear more sad stories and it makes you much more aware of all the things that could go wrong. In my case, one of my best friends has just had to end her pregnancy at 12 weeks because her baby was not going to survive, and it is heartbreaking. My emotions are running high anyway and I keep bursting into tears thinking of her and then panicing that there will be a problem with my baby.

Rainbow your post is very touching. Hope things go well for you - and all of us - this time.

hi, i too was like you. when people used to say to me things about "when your baby is here", or "you're having a baby" that kind of thing, i used to reply saying, "well, not definitely, you can never be 100% sure". i used to get so angry with people who totally believed that just becuase they were pregnant they'd get a living breathing healthy baby out of it. my anxiety levels were through the roof. every check up and scan would make me dizzy with worry and anxiety. i was in the hospital quite a few times panicking i hadn't felt the baby move and asking for a quick check she was ok.
it was debilitating, as you say we all know people who have lost babies shortly before, during or after childbirth, and its all too common.
The one thing that got me through was this: "its more likely everything will be fine, than that it wont" and that was all i could do - reassure myself that statistically my birth would be entirely average and fine.
i wish i could guarantee you everything will be alright, but the overhelming likelihood is that it will.

I had this anxiety for my two pregnancies too. I know two people who had stillbirths, and there seemed to be lots of stuff in the media on it during my pregnancies.

The only thing that helped was really staying on top of 'count the kicks' and I popped in to see the midwife for monitoring a couple of times. When my second was born (v quickly) I was hysterically shouting out "is it alive, is it alive" (didn't know the gender). Both mine were fine. I feel quite emotional thinking back to that moment.

Awareness raising about stillbirth is a good thing, IMHO, though my heart goes out to all women feeling that anxiety.

First off ~ it is a fact of life and pregnancy: unfortunately, stillbirth does happen. It is surely the most devastating situation to have to endure and there are no words to ease the pain. My first Granddaughter was born still at 36.6 weeks due to torsion of her umbilical cord ~ not a true knot or nuchal cord but delivers the same devastation and heartache. I would definitely mention your concerns to your health care team.

Please don't make yourself miserable for the next 4 weeks dwelling on the possibility of your baby being born still. There are a few things you need to know to ENJOY the remainder of your pregnancy and STOP worrying about your baby living very happily inside you!!! First ~ don?t ever hesitate to call your doctor, midwife or health care team with any questions and concerns you may have ~ they are there to educate and inform you ~ that?s their job!!! And, always trust your gut.

Become your expected baby's "guardian". Research now tells us sleeping on your left side is recommended. Why not have an additional ultrasound now to visualize the umbilical cord and placenta? If there is no problem with either one, do your kick counts three times a day for the remainder of your pregnancy. If there is a problem, work with your health care team for a close monitoring solution such as frequent ultrasounds, daily home fetal rate heart home monitoring and Fetal Non Stress Tests, etc. Remember ~ a change in baby's movements such as speeding up or slowing down, changes in sleep-wake cycles and differences in mobility tendencies could be the sign of a compromised baby. Don't ever hesitate to voice your questions and concerns to your healthcare team, and request additional ultrasounds. Ultrasounds are the ONLY way your baby can be seen.

Your baby may experience ?hiccups? which will first be noticed as soft, regular, rhythmic movements in the same place. As your pregnancy progresses, they will feel stronger and will eventually feel like hiccups except in your abdomen!!! Your baby?s hiccups should decrease as your pregnancy advances. Past 30 weeks your baby should not have hiccups every day. If your baby has daily hiccups, hiccups lasting longer than 15 minutes, or hiccups occurring more than 3 ? 4 times in 24 hours, your baby should be evaluated for umbilical cord issues.

Infections play a major role in loosing our babies before birth and shortly thereafter. Check out the websites for Group B Strep (GBS), CMV etc. Become educated. Become proactive. Become vigilant.

Getting to know your baby's movements is imperative. Empowering moms to ask simple questions, be proactive and learn how to be their expected baby's "guardian" will help to ensure a happy, healthy and hearty delivery day for all?xo

Think your info about hiccups there is potentially going to worry some women uneccesarily. Hiccups in the last trimester are normal, even daily or more often. Monitoring episodes of hiccups can be useful and if they start happening more often or go on for a long time would be worth checking out.

Requesting ultrasounds is an American thing encouraged by health insurance companies. The NHS is unlikely to give you an ultrasound simply because your baby has hiccups.

pregnancy is such the most amazing yet most terrifying time in a womans life. Im pregnant for the 7th time but 4th baby fingers n toes crossed so I understand everyones worries. I too am petrified every day that something will go wrong but its something we just have to get on with because no matter what we do or how many hours a day we think about it nothing we do can stop things happening and that is what is so frightening. and to be honest when the wonderful baby does arrive we start worrying all over again, my sons are 18 and 16 and I still worry daily. I just try and think why should it be me that bad thing will happen to, I have just as much chance as everyone else to have happy healthy child and that is what gets me through the day. try and be positive ladies, Im sure we will all be fine xx

I'm 35 weeks pg with 3rd dc and would say the baby has hiccups most days, sometimes more than once, anyone reassure me if this is ok or something I should mention to Mw? Have felt v anxious this whole pg prob due to a miscarriage just before this.

My DS is 11mo now and he had hiccups at least daily throughout my pregnancy, sometimes 4 or 5 times a day. I talked to the midwife about it and she said all it meant was he'd probably have hiccups a lot when he was here (which was true). I've not heard or been told anything about hiccups being a concern so please don't worry unnecessarily about that. It's very common.

Incidentally, I used to feel the same anxiety - even poking my bump or drinking cold drinks to try and feel movement. It's natural being concerned and I can only tell you the worry stays when they're here, it's jut about different things!!

I've been told by three separate consultants in the last week that hiccups are a GOOD thing: that they indicate good neurological development. And on a scan yesterday I noticed that the baby was hiccuping (I couldn't feel it) and the doctor commented that it was 'practice breathing' which was a good sign. So please do not worry about them (but do not include them in the kick count since they are involuntary).

DD had hiccups 3-4 times a day throughout the entire third trimester, right till the end. I mostly felt them at night when trying to sleep. I remember finding it annoying (sleeping impossible whilst that was going on!), but also endearing and reassuring as I took it as a sign she was doing just fine down there. Nobody ever told me I should be worried, and DD never had any problems.

I wonder if all this baby monitoring just leads to more maternal stress and anxiety? I'm not including scans in this - I live in France where they do a third trimester scan and I think they should be doing this routinely in the UK.

thanks everyone good to hear that hiccups aren't really a cause for concern - I did wonder how I'd got to my 3rd pregnancy (all within the last 5 years) and never heard that they were something to worry about!

Interestingly, on the 'Count the Kicks' website it specifically recommends pregnant women have a third trimester scan (obviously private in the UK since it's not generally given on the NHS) - countthekicks.org.uk/mum/ (see the section on 'Private Scans').

I'm having this baby (#2) in the US and am being scanned at every single antenatal appointment as a matter of routine (am currently 32wks). Only for a few minutes but they check baby's position, general size, cord, fluid and placenta. I find this really reassuring: obviously things can change quickly, but to go from 20wks to delivery without checking all is ok (other than via a tape measure ) seems a bit silly...