Extreme Paranoia and worry at 31 weeks about baby not surviving

[iamwhaticallpregnant]

I know exactly what has contributed to this

1/ first the midwife told me they don't scan you for ages now so it was important to take note of how many kicks he does - should be about 10 a day. She asked me if I wanted to hear the heartbeat but I had to ask for it - and I chose not to cause I am that sort of person where I don't want to trouble people. Which is, i know, ridiculous.

2/ My cousin felt the need to tell me that a friend's sister gave birth to a premature baby last week (at about my stage) that has a blood clot on the brain and won't survive.

3/ I read another thread on Mums net about a tragic loss of a baby at 30 weeks where the mother in question had a 4d scan and everything was fine (same here) and then heard the heartbeat and everything was fine - and then the child died.

4/ I asked my MW if as I was over 12 weeks (back then) was I less likely to have a Miscarriage and was everything likely to be ok and she more or less chortled at me and said "goodness no! I have had Miscarriages myself at all stages of pregnancy".

5/ My mother had a still born child before me as he had a heart defect.

All of these factors have made me sick with worry (I was sick last night). I feel like he's hardly moving at all. I am trying to feel 'kicks' but he doesn't seem to move much - although that might be because I am now trying to be conscious of it because of what MW said.

Don't know what I really want from this thread - is there anything I can do that will make the baby kick more - or is there any way I can 'feel' it easier?

Also - I used to feel him moving - whacking me, punching, kicking all the time. Now I swear I can't feel him at all - is it just that he's too compact to move? I am so worried.

Go to LW or ring triage, any change in movement should be checked, that should help put your mind at rest.

I'd also suggest going to see your GP about your worries, it might be antenatal depression?

Sorry everything is so worrying, your midwife sounds less than helpful.

You poor thing, I too have had similar anxiety and am now at 39+5. I feel like it has marred my experience of being pregnant, I completely sympathise.

To be honest I don't think reading MN / Googling helps a lot of the time as it can seem like these things are a lot more common than they actually are and it's easy to focus on the bad stuff than the good (eg that the VAST majority of babies are born absolutely fine).

Having said that you should be feeling movements by this stage although babies tend to have quiet and busy times.. It's possible that the baby is picking up on your stress and this is affecting the moves.

Call your midwife now, talk through your concerns and go in for a scan/trace, today. You are NOT troubling or inconveniencing anyone - but yourself! Put you and baby first.

Also - I find lying on my left and drinking a big glass of ice cold OJ gets the baby moving within 10 mins or so, something for you to try in future if you are concerned.

Definitely go and talk to a MW; and letting them listen to the heartbeat again now is a good idea. You are NOT being a bother to them - they don't want you to be stressed like this!

Avoid vast areas of MN until your baby is born - this is what I had to do until mine was born 9w ago - I knew too many sad stories as well and was really quite paranoid.

However, I'm in Australia and had a private consultant, which meant I got regular scans every 4w and saw him every 2w from 30w onwards, when he did miniscans at each visit.

I have a happy outcome story though - DS2 was born with no problem 9w ago and all that paranoia was for nothing. I hope you have the same outcome

Thank you.

I have a MW appointment tomorrow and this time I will be asking to hear the heartbeat. I will also try the orange juice tip.

Every time I read any thread on here it terrifies me - I am also so scared about something going wrong that I am literally in the dark about everything. I have avoided programs, books, info about the birth and haven't been to any classes. I have had depression my entire life but being pregnant sort of calmed me down and made me happy at first - now I am in a completely different stage of constant worry and anxiety. Then I read another thread where someone's one year old suddenly died and I thought "Ok, this anxiety is never going to end now" - I suppose I realised I will now have worry every single second of their life that they will not survive. Although I feel I suppose that once he is physically here I could maybe prevent that from happening in a degree - whereas I don't like the helplessness of him being in my belly and I can't do anything to make sure he is alive.
Know all that sounds crazy - but that's how I feel right now.

I am also so so angry with my cousin because she started off by saying she wasnt going to tell me a sad story she had heard - I said ok and moved on - then she later told me the story - about this tragic thing that had happened to a friend of a friend. What am I supposed to do with that information? There is nothing I can do about it other than worry. why is it that people see you are heavily pregnant and all they want to tell you is horror birth stories or stories about miscarriages and still births. She knows I am terrified of birth too but told me about a friend who had a nightmare birth'.

I'd avoid your cousin as well for now - she sounds like one of those who can't think before they speak (and that's the nicest construction I can put on it).

Thumbwitch - that is a nice construction ha ha. What angered me is that she did think before she spoke as she said she wasnt going to tell me - and then told me moments later! I think some people LOVE to tell tragic stories just to see the reaction. urgh

I was like you the whole way through two pregnancies. Please go to triage and say you think movements have slowed down, and them to listen to baby.

You can usually get then moving by laying on your left side and drinking something cold and fizzy. Or something hot actually worked better for one of mine.

iam I know EXACTLY what you mean by the "helplessness" thing. I think in pregnancy we have to often relinquish control - at the moment for me it's about what day baby will arrive. I have no control over it and it's quite unnerving.

Your cousin is an insensitive wally. Find a good "positive birth stories" site and every time you have a wobble, read one of those. I have been lucky that I have friends and relatives who shared their own positive birth stories with me too.

Can you download some pregnancy relaxation tracks too? I have done hypnobirthing sessions which are great for relaxation, listen to the recordings every day.

Also you are not alone, if you feel you are not able to put your own coping strategies in place go and see your midwife or GP. They will want to support you. Can you talk to your partner about it as well?

iam I personally think you need to embrace and acknowledge the fact that things do go wrong but find ways to focus on the positive. My DD1 was stillborn and I am now pregnant with DD2 - I understand exactly how dark the vortex of negativity and fear is. There is no point pretending that things always turn out perfectly - you can't ignore the statistics. However even though I know that things can go wrong, somehow by acknowledging it rather than running away from it and reading up on statistics etc I actually find that I feel more prepared and can then move on and focus on the wonderful things about being pregnant again and the hope that that brings with it. From my position, I focus on the fact that I am incredibly blessed to be pregnant - every single day is a bonus and I get to spend those days close to my little one, getting to know and love her, no matter what the eventual outcome may be.

thanks Rainbow - that's a lovely way of looking at things.

Partner doesn't really understand - will just think I am being paranoid as usual.

When you say go to Triage I am sorry but I really don't know what that is? As I say, I am pretty clueless when it comes to everything. I really feel like all the doctors etc are very busy and I don't want to bother them with my worries that might be silly. My MW is very dismissive.

On your notes there should be who to call numbers, for changes in movement I was told to call the antenatal day assessment unit or labour ward, so not GP but hospital. If you can't find a number phone your nearest NHS hospital and ask to be put through to Labour Ward and they will direct you appropriately.

They say you should feel 10 movements in a 15 minute period of activeness, so if baby is usually active at a certain time count how many movements. Drink something cold and lie on your left and do some relaxed breathing. Count how many kicks you feel in an hour. If less than 10 then you can try it again, after no movements for two hours you should be definitely phoning the hospital or going in to be checked.

They also say if you have a definite decrease in activity or frequency of activity you should phone and chat to the hospital.

You aren't bothering anyone, they are here for you and WANT to see you. Always better to be a nuisance than a martyr, no one expects you to be.

I tried the orange juice trick. Currently lying on my side. Felt a few flutters. Really really light ones. About 4. Still not 100% happy with it.

He has been quite active the last half hour so I am feeling a little better. I am off work now till he arrives so hopefully i'll have more time to relax and eat healthily and monitor him more closely than I have been.

Thanks - it is nice to know i am not the only one who thinks the worst and worries so much. I never knew how many ups and downs would come with pregnancy - i always thought it would be so simple but it really is so much more.

When I was pregnant with DS he was pretty still throughout the day - because me moving around lulled him to sleep! Nighttime he kicked the proverbial out of me!

Any queries/worries - get them checked. This is a baby - they will listen.
xx