My Partner

[RileyTheLittleMonster]

I've had 2 pregnancies both ended badly at 23 and 6 weeks.

I'm pregnant again, now 4+5..

I know we're both scared due to me being high risk, but he doesn't seem excited. He says he is but i know he isn't!

The past month he has lost his job and is spending more time with my brother (who he has been very close to since we got together) instead of me. He isn't making 100% effort to find a new job either, i'm a student so there isn't much i can do.

Also he is very stupid with money, he spends it all on Cigarettes and junk food. We also have our Sons headstone to save up for :-(

It's all getting me down and i'm defiantly not getting rid of this baby i think it's a gift. I just need to no how i can talk to him and kick him up the bum? Please help.. I'm only 18, he's 25...

I promise he is AMAZING, he loves me more than anything and wants to be a daddy to a new baby.. But he has no motivation anymore.

Sorry for the long post. Any help would be appreciated!

Sorry for your losses.

Do you think your partner is a bit scared about caring too much about the baby? When you have lost two before, perhaps he finds it hard to invest too much early on because it would hurt so much if it went wrong again.

Also, after I lost pregnancies, I had periods afterwards where I wanted to go out and do things totally unconnected with babies. I don't smoke but I probably spent too much going out because I needed a distraction.

Also I lost a baby before this current pregnancy and I was doing "everything right". When I got pregnant again, I was so convinced it would fail that beyond taking vitamins/not drinking, I didn't modify my life at all. I didn't see the point changing everything when it would all go wrong again. It took a long time for me to accept that I might be lucky enough to get a baby at the end so I should calm down.

With no disrespect meant at all, you and your partner are very young to have experienced such awful losses happen to you. My husband was a decade older when it happened to us and despite having dealt with lots of difficult personal situations in that time, he didn't deal well with it at all either. So I think perhaps it is not that surprising that your partner is struggling a bit. You don't say how long ago your losses were but if you are only 18, I am imagining they are fairly recent. He well still be bruised from them.

I think you need to talk to him about your worries and his own. Good luck.

I lost my little boy in April and 6 weeks in August.. I started college in September and we wanted to wait 2 years to try again.

I think he is scared, but at the same time he has no motivation since we lost Riley which i fully understand. I want to talk to him but sometimes he doesn't take what i have to say well. I can defiantly admit we are not in the best situation for a baby but we will love this baby alot and i have faith that once he has seen the baby at 12 weeks he will get excited and realise it's real.

The good thing is I don't have symptoms yet and did in the last two so i can do works as I'm aiming for Distinctions.

I was the same as you Ruby when I lost Riley and got pregnant again I didn't have caffeine or anything, thought I did everything by the book but ended up loosing my squiley so just taking vitamins and cut down to a brew or two a day

How many weeks are you? and i'm sorry to hear about your previous loses. How far along were you?

Hopefully we will have bouncing babies next year!

I'm 25 weeks now so hoping for the best. I've had a few pregnancies end at different points and am lucky enough to have one DS. So fingers crossed.

Did either of you get any counselling when you lost Riley? April is still so recent and to follow that up with another loss in August must have been awful for both of you.

I don't know what to suggest (hopefully someone else with better ideas will post soon).

But I think that maybe trying your best to talk about it - without seeming to blame your partner at all - is a good start. Then when you hopefully do have your scan, this will give you both a more tangible reason to have hope so your partner can find some motivation again.

Sorry I don't have more practical advice but crossing my fingers that all goes well for you both from now on.

I asked him before if everything was going to be ok, he said he's scared and needs to get onto his feet. So im going to support him every step of the way

It's going to be hard but we have 9months and i know we can do it, thank you ruby and congratulations only 15 weeks left!