Struggling with this pregnancy

[WeevilsAreEevils]

Aw bless you, I felt really bad this pregnancy up until 10 weeks so fingers crossed you will feel better soon.
As for your feelings it sounds a bit like ante natal depression - or beginning of it- I had it with DC1 but touch wood ok with this one and started from as soon as the hormones kicked in around 6 weeks and just got worse until I went in medication and got more help.
Speak to your midwife about this it may just be hormones but may need monitored and if it is depression you don't want it getting too bad.
I hope you feel better soon x x

Your hormones are peaking at this stage. I would definitely speak to your midwife about this, arrange an extra appointment to talk through it, the sooner it is mentioned the better. Does your DH really know how you feel, have you properly sat down and talked? Maybe he is being defensive because, he feels the same, or he wants the best for you. It does sound like depression and you will need support from DH to work through it, take him with you to see the midwife if you feel comfortable with it, he may just take things more seriously. The midwife always asks about feeling low at booking appointments - or at least they should as it's part of the care pathway.

I'm not posting to tell you what to do. Because only you can decide what's right and how you feel.

I just wanted to share how I've also struggled with my 3rd pregnancy. I'm 40 weeks with DC3. I've felt ambivalence on and off throughout my (planned) pregnancy and have even worried whether I'm going to bond with my baby as my moods about having another child have at times been so negative.

For me I think it's been because I'm at SAHM, looking after a very demanding toddler (tantrums and lack of sleep etc) and I think this has taken a lot of the romance out of parenting. I feel like I know what's coming and it's tough. I've also found being pregnant and caring for two other DCs really hard work. I don't get much pleasure from being pg - there's none of the mystery or excitement I had first or even second time round. It now feels like a chore to endure which will then get me a baby. I'm also pretty cynical realistic about what lies ahead in terms of sleepless nights, school runs and so on and this has certainly taken any of the romance out of having another baby.

The thing I am forgetting - and regularly remind myself - is that I absolutely adore my DCs. I love being their mum and I know I will love being mum to DC3. I'm in this strange fearful no man's land where I can't get excited because I'm worried about how I'm going to cope. I would be devastated if something went wrong with my pregnancy but I'm also not excited either.

Looking at pictures of the DCs when they were babies has helped - I'm focussing on the bad bits and the photos remind how adorable they were. I know I'm devoted to my DCs - so I don't know why I'm being so negative. Hormones, tiredness I don't know.

Anyway - just wanted to post to say you're not alone - because it is a very lonely feeling to have. It's a difficult thing to admit because so many people would love to be in our shoes. I do though feel much better now than I felt at the beginning of my pregnancy and am looking forward to meeting the baby and completing my family. Keep talking to people - my Dsis said that she, and a friend of hers, had similar feelings with their (planned) 3rd pregnancies which lifted totally when they had their babies.

Thank you for your kind messages.

DH is very excited about this pregnancy. He really struggled with DC as he was unwell when they were babies. Whereas he is in great health now and is gearing up to be more hands on.

He wants to talk names, prams etc. whenever he starts I just feel this heavy pit of doubt in my stomach and ask him to change the subject.

I am being really selfish but I don't want to do this all again. I adored my babies when pregnant/newborn the last two times. Especially with DC2 I tried to treasure every moment, due to it all flying by with DC1.

I'm worried that this (ah I don't even want to use the word) baby will be the straw that breaks the camels back. I won't have enough time/money/space for all of them and it will give DH & I even less time together. The thing is I was enthusiastic when TTC - but we had also decided that we would stop as I was starting to have doubts. It's then that I got pregnant.

I just don't feel mentally strong enough to deal with this. I just want to crawl into a hole and pretend its not happening. It feels like my body is betraying me and I hate that my body is changing shape. My midwife appointment is in a couple of weeks due to busy schedules of the midwives. I will ask about my options then.

It's nice to know I'm not alone but I feel so desperately sad in RL and I can't talk to anyone else about this.

It's not exactly something you can admit out loud in real life is it

I don't have any advice but just wanted to say you're not a bad person, there is nothing wrong with having doubts and fears and you're not alone.

I'm 31 weeks pregnant with ds4. Unplanned pregnancy and I didn't find out until after ex and I split up. I put all my symptoms down to the emotion of the time and wasn't having periods as I was still breastfeeding ds3. It was a total shock.

And it still hasn't really sunk in. As guilty and as awful as I feel for saying it and thinking it, I haven't bonded with this baby. I haven't dragged out the Doppler like I did with ds3 to eagerly listen to his heartbeat every day, I haven't lay in bed at night poking my stomach to make him move, or imagined what he will look like. I haven't bought a single nappy or outfit and am willing the time to slow down and stop flying by at warp speed.

Although my situation isn't perfect at the moment, I think I have a good balance. My ds1&2 are 10 and 8 and adore ds3 (17 months). They are I dependant enough to do most things for themselves, they help me with ds3. They go to their dads half the week and I get my delicious toddler all to myself. He's not a good sleeper but it doesn't matter because I can nap with him during the day. It just works. We are a little unit and I like it this way.

But, it's all going to change. It will be so much more work, I will be exhausted, I will have to share my time even more. I don't want to do it. I planned to go to work next year, I planned to learn to drive, I planned to do so many things.

I just don't want to do it.

Dinosaurs You've had a hard year.

I'm so sorry you both feel like this. It's an impossible situation for you. I'm much further down the line and do feel lifted by the prospect of having the baby though I know that won't necessarily be your experience.

I turn 40 next year and feel like my life is on hold again - so totally get the fact that you had things planned you now can't do.

I'm sure you don't need me to tell you to share with MW or GPs or close friends if you can. I really hope things improve for you both.

It's funny, I came to this board because I'm finding this (second) pregnancy much harder than my first. I am exhausted all the time, MS was awful, I can barely concentrate on anything and feel very emotional. I've also put on quite a lot of weight and am not feeling great about myself, which hasn't been particularly good for my relationship with DH (he is over the moon with the bump and massive breasts but I can barely stand him looking at me, let alone touching me).

I do feel as though I'm bonding with the baby, but I'm also terrified of having a second DC because we'd just managed to get our finances running well, I've just settled into a job and I don't know how we'll manage. I also suffered with PND after having DD and we bob worry about that recurring. I very nearly didn't survive the last time.

I'm just praying that things will be better and that we'll cope somehow. Sorry I don't have anything particularly constructive to say, that was kore of a conspirational whinge. But I do understand how upsetting it is to feel so out if control and not really be able to talk to people IRL about it. I know I am not even having a particularly hard time compare to the rest of you on this thread; I hope things work out for you Weevils, and Dinosaurs and Dye.