Feeling v daunted by pregnancy

[purpleaura]

Hi all,

I'm not actually pregnant yet, but am about to start trying. Everything I read about pregnancy makes the whole thing sound like 9 months of serious illness- nausea, vomiting, exhaustion, aches, crazy hormones, pain and just general hassle and difficulties!

I know that its totally worth it in the end- it's so exciting- but do you have any advice for someone who is beginning to dread the whole experience? Are there any good things about being pregnant? (please say yes!!) Is it really as bad as the books say?! (please say no!!)

Any advice v much appreciated :)

Thanks x

I felt pretty rubbish in the first trimester but felt really well in the second and most of the third. But Twitchy's right pregnancies differ massively. One thing I miss is my very fast growing healthy nails and hair and good skin. They're all looking a bit shit again now.

For me, it hasn't been that bad as people made out. But everyone's experiences are different.

Worse bits for me:

Early on; Sickness: was never actually sick, just very nauseous from weeks 5-9
Tiredness: I've never experienced tiredness like it.
Later: rib/back pain, lack of sleep from back pain. Heart burn.

Best bits:

Feeling baby move, scans, having a bump, looking froward to a baby at the end! Everyone is very nice and chatty to you, strangers help you more with carrying things.

Pregnancy can be tough going. I'm not a fan at all, but I'm doing it for a second time currently! It is worth it. I don't get much sickness but slowing down physically really annoys me and I do get quite crazy and angry. The thing that makes it bearable is that there's a definite time limit on it, and it's all in service of something amazing - you're not just suffering for nothing in the same way as when you have an illness. Plus you never know, you might be one of those lucky bitches who sail through pregnancy without a care in the world!

My first pregnancy was lovely - I was sooo pleased and excited to be pregnant, had a bit of nausea for the first 10 weeks but was never actually sick, then it was all plain sailing - glowing skin, didn't put any extra weight on, even enjoyed the birth

Was quite a smug smug smuggerton at the time but it has come back to bite me in the arse with my second pregnancy (have felt various kinds of awful all the way through and another 15 weeks to go! Oh and I look like crap!)

Hi Purpleaura
Like you I was really apprehensive and almost in 2 minds when we started ttc. As time went by and it wasn't happening I increasingly realised how much I did want it and what I would do for that beautiful child. After 7 months we got our bfp on Sunday and I'm excited and terrified in equal measure but figure it's a superbly exciting journey and the benefits must outweigh the crap or no-one would have more than one baby!
Good luck and enjoy the journey x

Wow- I'm bowled over by the response to my first ever MN post- thanks so much :)

Sorry, kindly wishes and biscuits to those lovely ladies who are suffering. I guess as you say, CailinDana, there is some solace in the knowledge that it will end before too long.

I especially like your advice TwitchyTail, that once that test is positive, its a done deal. I think DP and I need to just get on with it and as you say, we'll deal with whatever comes. Fingers crossed that I'll get to be one of the smug smuggertons!!

aww, thanks ScubaSarah, and massive congrats on your bfp!!

In my first pregnancy I found the first trimester to be the worst, I wasn't expecting the tiredness and other symptoms so early on. Makes sense though as much of the real work is done in the first 12 weeks - but before I got pg I thought I'd be fine at the beginning and get gradually worse. It is hard that the worst symptoms are at the beginning when you aren't showing and don't want to tell anyone! Once I got past the first trimester, I felt a lot better.

Now I'm in the first trimester of my 2nd pg and not feeling great, but this time I have a toddler to distract me and I also know what to expect and that it'll end :)

Pregnancy isn't that great IMO, but remember that you won't necessarily get all of the symptoms and not all at the same time.

mine have been a nightmare. (Im 11weeks pg with #2)

i had HG for the whole 9months last time. (i was signed off sick by 7 weeks and never went back)

am very poorly again, and was admitted to hospital again this week for IV rehydration (again)... its even harder when you have a 14m old to look after as well as yourself.

however plenty of people dont suffer as much, and are fine

you dont know how you will react until its too late, but yes 9 months of hell is pretty accurate IMO

And at least you are being realistic.
We were ttc for 2 years. Got the BFP.
Then I got hyperemesis for 10 weeks. I had NO idea that could happen, now I am constantly knackered and stressed out.

So you sound very sensible being trepidatious, but yes once the BFP is there its a runaway train!

And yes it is only 9 months out of your life.
Here's hoping its all worthwhile!

I loved every second of my pregnancy, I had morning sickness and everything. But its all part of the package :-)

I would love to only have morning sickness

hyperemisis is completely different, and unless you have experianced it you wouldnt understand how awful and debilitating it is

I was like you, scared and daunted by the horrors of pregnancy. I'm now 7 months pregnant and apart from the morning sickness which lasted until 28 weeks (mornings only and once I vomited I was fine) it has been fine. No binge eating, no low moods, no tiredness and able to carry on as normal.

Your experience is your experience and you just get on and deal with it. Lots of other people in RL will make their experience sound dramatic!

Mumsnet as been an invaluable voice of reason!

Try not to worry. I had no nausea, pain or suffering in any way apart from giving birth was bloody painful and unpleasant but that doesn't last long (and there are drugs thankfully!!). It is definitely worth it in the end :)

nannyl - just read your post - I know someone who had hyperemisis and had to be on a drip too. How awful for you. It is just a lottery how you will feel. But OP I still think just go ahead and get preg and worry about it afterwards!!!

Also OP although I found giving birth v painful (induction , epidural and a bit of a bleed afterwards) I know a few women who were floating around in birth pools with just gas and air and insist it was a 'beautiful experience'!! You might be lucky and be one of those!!!

yup.... Ive been in hospital again this week having IV antisickness drugs (as you cant vomit them then) and 6 litres of fluid pumped into me......

after 3 litres of fluids i was still dangerously dehydrated....

its not fun at all

(but thankfully most people dont have it, and i had never even herd of it until i had it)

(on the other hand i had the easiest pain free planned home birth imaginable... so i got an easy birth at the end, and hope this one is as easy too!)

DD was worth it though and im mad enough to be doing it again......... (and i think most people would agree with that )

sorry, just realised i double posted.... had forgotten that i was on my 2nd comment this thread

Hi
I remembered being terrified if being pg and having kids and i asked my mum if she ever regretted having me. She said no (thankfully) not even for one moment. Now that i have a beautiful DD after 5 years of trying and 6 ivfs i'd honestly say that i cant imagine my life without her and i would never regret going through pg.

I too has hyperemesis, i started throwing up at 7 weeks. Physically I felt sick and exhausted for 9 months, although slightly less in the middle trimester. I was throwing up constantly up until the day before I gave birth and I developed pre-eclampsia. I slept with a bucket next to me because I was throwing up all night, every night. But...there has never been a period in my life when I felt so happy, elated, excited. Feeling your baby inside you is incredible.

I am also vain, so I got some really nice (and cheap) maternity clothes, had regular pedicures which I loved (you cant reach your toes after all) and for the first time in my life I didnt feel fat but I glowed.

I had an easy delivery by C section. If I could do it all over again I would, but I cant (too old for ivf now).

Being pg was the happiest time in my life.

I was so put off pregnancy by all the horror stories out there I decided very young that I never wanted to have children. However, the old biological clock decided differently and at the last possible minute (age 40) I changed my mind.

It has been the best decision of my life. Pregnancy has been nothing like I expected. Sure, it has it's downsides, but I am enjoying it, and so looking forward to meeting my baby. Right now she is 'put put putting' round inside me - tiny little jabs like she is feeling her way round in the dark. It is such a wonderful feeling - really sweet. I have found the best way to keep well is to keep active. Pamper yourself to make it easier. Buy a dreamgenii pillow or similar to help you sleep, bounce on a birthing ball if the baby is lying uncomfortably to turn him/her. Eat well, but don't obsess. Enjoy it.

I am 10 weeks PG with #1 and, like you, was absolutely bricking it as soon as we decided to TTC!

TTC is such a roller coaster in itself that you can't really see any further past getting that BFP. 2WW's are mental agony where time seems to go in slow motion! So when you finally get your long awaited BFP there really is nothing more in your life which you want more than to be PG.

It's 8 weeks since my BFP and I have had moderate nausea and I am quite tired but apart from that I feel fine. There is obviously a long way to go but my general feeling towards being PG is that it's worth it for the end result.

I would say your fears are completely normal

Five months in and it's been bliss. Actually feel better than normal.

purpleaura - in a rush but had to repsond!! I, like you, was in a total state about the actual pregnancy bit before we started ttc, so much so that we put it off for years months before I dared start! I was in a panic about the body changes (have had eating disorders in the past so body image is a major issue for me), about the lifestyle changes even before the baby comes, about work, about money... everything!!! Cried when I got the BFP (not because I wasn't happy) because I was sure my life would be awful from then on!

In all honesty, since then, it has been manageable to very good! Nausea kicked in at week 6 and lasted til week 12, that was actually truly awful (I felt unlike myself and a zombie) but HONESTLY it was still manageable IYSWIM. Yes I felt hideous but I knew it wouldn't last forever and somehow I did get through it. That's not rose-tinted glasses, I won't lie and say it was anything other than vile, but the anxiety about it advance was worse than the reality.

Since week 12 I have felt literally amazing. Energy is back, nausea gone. THen of course in the last few weeks (am 24+5) I have started ot get suddenly much much bigger in the tummy. Yes, I have been a little freaked out about this, I can't deny. I had a couple of days where I was stupidly really down about it and felt my body was out of control. But even that has lessened. I have bought a couple of flatteirng maternity tops and dresses which have made me feel like I am still hanging on to 'me' and not just slobbing about in fat day clothes. I still can't say I absolutely adore my growing tummy but I am AMAZED that I am now not really at all bothered by it.

Thought I'd be freaked out by feeling kicks (I am that much of a control freak!) but this part I absolutely LOVE.

So from someone who was truly dreading it (and I am aware that I am fast approaching the end of the nice 2nd trimester!) all I can say is that for me it has been a really pretty good experience on balance. I assumed I would be in a permanent panic but I think some hormones have kicked in and I am much much calmer than I thought.

Oh, and I have had pelvic girdle pain - which has sucked - but even that hasn't blighted the whole experience for me. Again, is just something else to get on with and manage.

Hope that helps and good luck!!

so many completely different experiences... but i'm really cheered by the fact that so many of you said that it is/was one of the happiest times of your life. bring it on!

thanks so much for sharing :)